A slice of truth

"Are we all the same in a mirror image?  Is this the real life of what is?", asked my little brother.  

"Will you say a foolish thought is foolish simply because the majority ruled it as such?...Does truth lose it bearing if all is given light to?", he queried.     

Here's an attempt to answer his questions.

photo from www.brahmakumaris.org

Everything I see with my eyes is real
Not true
The reality I know is an illusion
In essence, I am just a point


A soul
a being of light
A spirit
I am energy



The body
is simply a tool for me to express
It is like a cellphone
And I am the sim


In fact, everyone's a sim
Only in different cases
Each one with different roles
Just as there are simple phones and androids


Essentially at the core we are all the same
The differences I see is not real
If we remove the cases
We are all dots


Beings of light
With everything we need
Peace, power, purity
love and happiness



The world is a stage
With the sun and the moon as lights
This is where I act out my role
Just as in a play, one day the curtains will close


This is not my home
But I have attached my heart to it
Because I've been here for a long time
I thought I am of the earth


Gradually, my battery has diminished
And so has my power
I thought I am of dust
So I grab only the visible



I thought that the goal
Is to become bigger and taller than the the skyscrapers
So I scramble for hats on my head and strings of relations
I will do anything to accumulate stickers and stamps


But I am a spirit
When I leave 
I leave the hats, strings, stickers and stamps
Only the good and bad credits remain


The world now has become a graveyard
The material and the differences hold the spotlight
People suffer because of anger
Greed, ego, lust, attachment



We have to remember
Who we truly are
We are beings of light
Stars from the abode light 
Who have come down here simply to  play our parts


We are here to express
Our truest selves
One which is filled with beauty and goodness
Up there we can only shine
Down here we can love, care and celebrate


Deep down
We are all the same
In essence we are all good
Even the seemingly foolish & meanest of us
We have simply forgotten


Please remember

Meanderings of a soul at a crossroad

image from learnmeditationonline.org

I've learned to stop asking 
"Why is this happening?"
More often than not
The answer always comes  
Usually, not in my own set timeline



It will magically appear
When I am ready to 
Accept the situation 
Learn the lesson 
Take the next step



I confess there's this tendency 
To storm the heavens
Wrack my brain
Go to a mentor
Even escape the inevitable



Being of the  'instant age' 
I scream out loud
"I want the answers right now!"
I've forgotten there is no remote control
Like nature, everything in life has a season 



Things which ought to happen will happen
Not in my own time
But, at the right time
I have to trust that
My right will always come to me



When I'm ready

I will live!

image from www.bkpublications.com

I met an old friend from college and she told me, "Our friends from the States are asking about you?"  Then, she whispered, "It's about what you blog about?"

I'm not dying
I answered back, "Oh, I get it!  I think they're stuck on the part when I thought I was dying.  That's several months ago!  My doctor says it's a mere vitamin deficiency.  I will not die from a terminal illness anytime soon."  (Thank heavens!).

I'm sorry dear friends.  I don't post all my blog entries on facebook.  If you check the newer posts, you will find out that I'm ok now. Please feel free to ask me directly via mail or private message.

My take on dying
But, I completely understand you.  I think the subject of dying is really a touchy one.  That's probably why you didn't ask me upfront.

I know that people are so scared of it.

But, what if dying is actually a beautiful experience?

I think it's like riding a rollercoaster.  If you cling on to the railings like a rock when it goes downhill, it feels like your heart has been transported down to your tummy (or in extreme cases, to your foot). That's very heavy.  But, if you raise both your hands (a.k.a. surrender), enjoy the ride, and think that you're tiny star going back to your home of bright red-orange light where your Father the purest and brightest star welcomes you, it's very liberating.

Why people are afraid of dying
Anthea Church articulates it best when she says that it's scary because people hold on to their costume very tightly.  By costume she means, the body and all it's attached possessions, relationships and roles.

I feel that a lot of us have forgotten that the world is a simply a stage.  An each one of us will have to exit it at a certain point.  Nothing scary there.        

I met a business monk

image from http://www.bkpublications.com

I have this notion that only those who stay in the meditation centers are monks- not true.  

Recently, I met an owner of a pharmaceutical company who is a monk, too!  (I call raja yoga meditation volunteers/teachers monks.)  

The monk
"Don't rush.  You're here to take a break.", she said to my co-facilitator whom she hired for her company's team-building.  It was 7.30am and our program begins exactly at that time and she told her to sit down and finish her coffee!

Prior to that, she was cooking breakfast for us and I went to her cottage to inform her not to bother because we have already eaten.  She gently motioned that she'll speak to me later.  I noted down that she behaves like the sisters in the centers.  

You see, for raja yoga practitioners, food preparation is considered sacred, done in silence and filled with loveful vibrations.

Also, like the monks I hang out with, she had a simple yet profound take on things.  I told her that I tried munching on cayenne pepper like she advised (as per her metabolic doctor's orders) but couldn't really take it.  "It's so hot", I explained.  "Sssh...don't even say the word", she admonished.  "It's just mind over matter."      

The mother
She is Ellen (she refused to have her full name mentioned), the mother of Prosel, a pharmaceutical company she and her husband built for 31 years. 

Her gentleness and strength permeates the company's culture, as well.  

When I spoke to her company's medical representatives they reported that doctors call them angels (the same as the company's logo).  

They never hard sell because the company values relationship more than sales.  Moreover, they do not compete with other pharmaceutical companies or even amongst themselves, instead they cooperate and collaborate.

I also saw just how much she values people and how much they love her back.  On our way back home, she insisted that she sends us off to the bus terminal.  Along the way, we came across their executive secretary and she asked her if she wants to tag along.  Without hesitation, she said yes and climbed the van.  The secretary would speak to her comfortably like she is an old friend- not a boss.  I was also surprised when our guide, their sales manager in Batangas, confided to her (while in the car) about his need for attention which stems back from his childhood.

The gist
I have been exposed to the corporate world and it is a dog eat dog world.  This monk, however, has managed to build a family within the company.  That's really astounding!          

Oh happy day!

image from www.facebook.com/SpecialAchievers

I was (almost) whistling & skipping while walking on my way back home- grateful that my 11am patient cancelled and happy that I have 2 hours lunchtime (I live 2 blocks from my work place).  In my head, I was running down all the other things which I am thankful for when I stepped on poop.

My mind came to a screeching halt.  It just stopped.  No questions.  No irritation. I instinctively knew that I simply have to get the dirt out of my shoes, otherwise it will stink.

It took me a minute or two to iron the mess.  Then, I immediately continued my happy journey back home.

I think that going through any challenge is like stepping on poop.  Whether it's big or small, it changes the smooth flow of things.

If I don't deal with it, it will stink and follow me (sadly, everywhere I go) but if I'm brave enough to face it, then it's no big deal.  However, if I allow it to disturb me, it can me throw me off balance.

For me, the keys to maintaining my om (peace) in any situation are resilience and stability.  How fast can I go back to my center even when unexpected things happen?  Do I allow the situation to shuffle me or do I hold on to my happiness?  

Frankly, it's my daily meditation drills which help me build the power to face any poop I might step on in life (I also understand that it may be praying for some, laughter therapy for others and even morning runs for a few).

Just ruminating. ;)

How about you, what helps you cope?






         

Why is it that when I try to help out another person I end up helping myself?

photo from http://www.servicespace.org

I visited my 66 year old friend today.  I came with an agenda- persuade her to lie down on her bed.

You see, she fell on the floor when she suddenly stood up from her bed one dawn.  It took her 8 hours to get her bearing back.  Her left arm and leg were badly bruised and since then she has never slept on her bed again.

So, she has been sleeping upright- while sitting down, for a month now.  Her legs, feet and ankles are all swollen due to this.  To make the matter worse, she lives alone and refuses to give up her independence.

I came in prepared.  I brought the doctor's prescription (Lie down).  I also showed her the complications of inflammation and simple remedies to alleviate it (No. 1 of which is to elevate the leg while lying down).  None of it worked.  My last resort was to call an orthopedic doctor (who also happens to be a friend) and let him talk her into it.

She told him, "My world whirls around when I lie down.  That is what I am afraid of."

He said, "Just go through it. It will pass".

And that's the exact prescription I need for the day! "Just go through it. It will pass".

It happens all the time, whenever I try to help another person, I end up helping myself.



  

Letter for my 18 year old sister

cartoon by Lalaine Navarro

Dearest Laine,

I'm nearly double your age today.  Since I obviously have more years ahead of you, I've gone through more things- sometimes I succeed and often I fail.  Like any Ate (older sister), I want to spare you from all the pains and give you the best kept secrets I learned along the way.  So here it goes...

Never ever worry about how thin or fat you are.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is how big you're heart is and how level-headed you are.

Never ever chase anything or anyone other than your heart.  As long as you remain true to it, it will point you to the right direction.

Love whatever it is you are doing and it will love you back.

But, before anything else, love yourself first.  And always think, no BELIEVE that you're great.  It makes a whole world of difference- whatever it is you choose to do.

However, even if you choose to simply bum around, I hope that you find The One, The One Who Knows Your Heart or that He finds You.

He'll teach you to simply be who you are.  Then, the doing part will be a lot easier.

Then again, know that sometimes it's ok not to care about what other people think.  What's more important is what you think, what you feel and how everything sits with you.

So, feel free to take this advice, dump it in the dumpster or just choose which ones work for you.  You have the free hand.  Know that in life you always have a choice, dearest sister.
          

                                                                                                                         Yours 'til the sun shines,

Ate Karen 

I met a prince

cartoon from petit prince gallerie

He was wearing a long cape, a brown cowboy hat, sando, shorts and slippers- nothing like a prince's wardrobe but he assured me that he is a prince.  "My dad is a  king!", he boasted.  I saw past his strange outfit and gave him a curtsy. 


His nanny cautioned me that arguing with him is pointless because he is so convinced that he is a prince.  He would sneak out the towel with a hood he is using as a cape from the laundry area even when it's soiled.  He told all his friends that the hat he's wearing is really a crown and he refused to remove it (and the cape) even when he was sweating profusely while playing dodgeball outdoors.  His friends rewarded his persistence by calling him Prince Mateo.  His lady friend even volunteered to be his princess (even without courtship or dowry!).


I smiled as I watch the scene unfold.  Look at this young boy of four, all he had really was a strong belief and the whole of his universe connived to fulfill it.  In his mind, he was a prince so he acted like one.  Hence, even without demanding the title, subjects or princess he was able to attract everything to himself.


Belief is such a powerful potion.  We use it as children but we forget it as we grow up.  More often than not, that's the only thing we need to turn our dreams into reality.  Thank you, Prince Mateo for reminding me!  

6 out of 7

Photo from http://www.wtatennis.com

Not a bad batting average.  Last week, I got 5 over 7. This week, I upped the ante by 15%. Yehey to me!!! "Good job, Karen! I know you missed your goal by a slight margin (1 point to be exact), but it's ok.  The good thing is, you are improving. I am definite that you will hit it this week".

Yes, I just reaffirmed myself.  To be honest, I wrote it with a slightly heavy heart.  I really wanted to perfect it this time.  But I didn't.  At crunch time, fear had gotten hold of me.  I couldn't exactly recall what happened.  I just knew that the moment I felt that the prize is so near, I cowered.  I got scared of succeeding and so I was paralyzed into inaction.

A life coach many years back said that I tend to sabotage myself when succcess looms in the corner.  Like a mission impossible message, I had this propensity to self-destruct when the goal's almost accomplished.  I couldn't pinpoint why I do this.  I just knew that I succumb to fear when I'm about to throw the winning shot.

They say fear is like having a mouse inside your heart.  Your heart just goes tug-tug and you end up pacing back and forth with sweaty palms, perplexed about what to do.  Fear is that little voice inside your head saying, "You can't do it!".  It skillfully narrates all the things that could go wrong and explains in detail why you are not enough or not worthy.  Fear puts a humongous wall between you and your dream.  It holds one captive inside his own comfort zone.

True, I don't know what's out there.  How I wish I can just disappear into oblivion to escape the huge task in front of me.  But, I don't want to forever guess what could have been and  I want to see how far I can go. So, I am determined to just do this- no matter what!


                                           video from bkwsuglasgow

Life in a blender

picture from http://www.karenwyattmd.com

What do you do when life throws you lemons?
They say make lemonade
I say, "Dodge!"
Duh?!

What if it's a lemon avalanche?
Wikihow says swim and try to stay near the surface
I say, "I'm clueless, I just hope I survive."
Huh....(deep sigh)

It happens
Storms strike at the most unholy hours
The whole of your world goes spinning
Aaaaargggh!!!!

I don't understand
No, I refuse to accept
Life can go haywire
Hmmmm....

Things don't go as planned
Setbacks happen
Or worse, things fall apart
Ooops!

Have you ever tasted the nearness of success with added spoonfuls of fear?
How about truckloads of expectations masquerading itself as tough love?
It's disgusting, let me tell you
Yuck!

People go crazy
Dreams elude even the most persistent
Happily ever after seems so far away
Well...

Whatever, I'll still push on!

I want to be a monk

A recent weekend retreat made me revisit this long-lost, forgotten dream.

Flashback
Four years ago, on my first trip to the raja yoga's headquarters in India, despite all odds, I squeezed in an appointment with the administrative head to tell her that I want to surrender.  In my head, this meant that when I get back home I will quit my job, leave my family, stay in the meditation center and teach yoga. Like a giddy first-timer, I awaited a favorable response.  However, Dadi Janki, the 93 year old spiritual leader looked at me sternly and said, "Only when you are light and accurate".

Present
At the moment, if I resubmit my application, I think I will still be turned down.  Yes, I am light but I'm not yet accurate.  I've been wondering,  "Why not simply rest on my easy nature?".  After brooding on this, I realize that if I allow myself to be so carefree, I may just fall off the cliff as a result of my carelessness.  Accuracy is the string which allows the kite of lightness to fly.  Without the right discipline, the kite will fall to the ground or go wayward in the vast horizon.  I now understand that a strength ceases to be a strength when it reaches its extreme.  Like a highly organized person without concern or sensitivity for others may turn out to be arrogant and controlling.  A sweet charismatic person without the ability to discern may end up being dependent on people or condoning even of wrong behavior.  Therefore, the right dose of complimentary virtues is required to bring about the best version of me as a strength needs to be balanced by another virtue for it to fully realize its power.  I do need to be light and accurate.

The Plan
Being a monk (that's how I prefer to call the volunteer raja yoga teachers who stay in the meditation centers) is still at the top of my bucket list.  If I ace being accurate, I think I will get it.  Now, as I finish the things I have to finish as I journey towards my goal, I will do this one thing- be on time (for every appointment, meeting, or class) !

I Love You Still

picture from http://www.tumblr.com

"Please lock all the doors before you sleep.", I told her many times over before I retire for the night.  At 3 o'clock in the morning, I woke up with all the doors open- screen door, front door and back door.  Good thing, all our things were still intact and no stranger tried to barge in our house.

"I can get angry at her.", I told myself.  This time my anger is justified!  Awful things could have happened to us. Different scenarios played in my mind but my intellect (the rational part of me) said, "But, nothing happened.  You have just cleared your heart?  Do you want to be heavy again?" (Please see post on this if you don't follow)

"No, I don't want to carry any burden again", so I collected myself and decided to let it go.  I spoke to her calmly about the matter when she woke up.  Then, after breakfast, I thought of the most extraordinary thing- invite her for coffee.

My mind said, "Are you nuts? So, you are rewarding her for putting all of you in danger?!"  My intellect refuted, "I'd like to love her inspite of."  My better judgment won the battle.

When I brought her coffee, I muttered, "My peace offering.  I'm sorry I could sometimes be harsh on you." She said, "Sometimes I need it, Ate (older sister). I can be very stubborn also." "Still, I'm sorry.", I replied.

For the first time in months, she started to share about her plans and dreams.  I let her do the talking while I listened intently- reminding myself not to ask questions or give unsolicited advice.  I was simply there for her- not passing any judgment whatsoever and wishing her well.

I felt I've cleared the air.  I've finally cut the cobwebs which kept her from moving forward.  You see, our negative feelings- anger, fear, resentment, worry or hurt not only clouds our thinking but it also entangles the object of these emotions.  We often think that telling them of the problem is helpful.  Well, it is but only when we come from a space of love.  If we keep on blaming other people for our suffering thinking "you ought to change because you make me very uncomfortable", what we do is simply cramp the person more.  Experience taught me that the best antidote for any conflict, relationship problem or even illness is love. Before calling in the counselor or the ambulance, I learned it's best to give them space to be who they choose to be, accept them for who they are, and love them inspite of.

I love you, little sister.  I know you will be ok soon enough!


                                      video from spotlightvalues

On Letting Go

image from http://www.elfwood.com

I will still care
but I will stop telling you how to live your life
I will still be here
but you shall not hear me ranting if you do your  hiding-from-life drama
I will forever wish you well
but I will stop offering my two cents' worth


Instead, I shall give you

space

space

and more space


Because...
I understand that this is your choice
Because...
I accept you for who you are
Because...
your script is different from mine


And I shall give you

space

space

and more space


I'm letting you go
And I'm letting you be
Know that you deserve the best
And that I still believe in you
I guess, i finally learned to love
Thank you for teaching me.

                                                            from EasyMeditation

Thank You Little Sister

Picture from http://www.taramcglinchey.com

"Why are you heavy?", asked my business mentor as we end our usual Monday meeting.  "Huh?" , I cluelessly answered.  "You have to check yourself.", she retorted.

The Inner Scrutiny
I immediately went through my usual to do list: go to meditation class daily (check), enjoy work (check) and propel my other projects forward (check).  Since things appeared to be going smoothly, how can there be any blockages? Otherwise, it should hamper my world. Still, I persisted on investigating the matter closely.  I spent extra time in the early morning and before bedtime in silence to check the state of my heart.  To my surprise, I found out that I am indeed carrying a baggage as heavy as a block of cement.  I've been busy being responsible at home, keeping a happy disposition at work and being courageous with my new endeavors that I didn't realized that I'm not really ok.

Wearing many hats and thinking too much made me forget what I feel. I didn't realized that I am angry. Well, not at myself.  As I mentioned earlier, my egotistical self thinks I'm superduper fine.  I was angry at  the other person in my life who by my standards is not making her life move.  I am mad at her for not stepping up to her full potential.  In my head, I'd like to jolt her out of her inertia and I was constantly screaming "Get out of it!".

I metamorphosed into an I-am-better-than-you zombie (see I was a zombie), judging her for not being like me, telling her what to do like a nagging mother (i thought that would help), and berating her for not doing her duties (cause I think that an effective house manager/older sister follows up and gives the necessary reinforcement).

The Talk
A talk with my spiritual teacher helped me look at the situation more clearly.  He said, "You were mad at her because you see her as your sister who's not facing her responsibilities but you failed to see that she is a struggling soul.  She is weak at this point and your expectations and judgment just pushes her down even more."

I was ashamed for behaving so badly.  I never thought I am still influenced by anger until this moment.  My negative take of the situation made it worse than what it really is.

I had a long honest talk with myself.  "This is not your true nature.  You are as accepting and accommodating as an ocean.  You are a loving soul.  You have a big heart which can embrace the whole world.  Go back to who you really are."

The Gift
I had to go through a process of facing myself squarely, forgiving myself, and going back to my truth before I regained my light heart back.

It was not a walk in the park, it took me weeks to clear the blocks.  I realized that any negative emotion- fear, anger, worry, regret, or hurt impedes my inner eye from seeing people and circumstances for what they truly are.  It is only when I remove these blinders that I can let love back in and then be able to give it out.

Thank you, little sister for helping me learn this lesson.

Dearest Little Sister

picture from http://mypoeticside.com/poems

I’m sorry I’m not big enough to accommodate you. I just can't accept that you choose to stay in the rut of the past for too long.  I wish I can say “It’s ok” all the time.  

I look into your eyes and I can’t find the sparkle.  Where did you hide it?  Where has my unstoppable partner in crime gone?  You used to simply jump over the hurdles.  It pains me to see you in a standstill.  

I’ve told you many times over, “You’re the best among us siblings”.  I hope you realize this soon enough.  When did you stop believing you can?  Well, never mind.  Just move forward and never ever remember “that” moment.  Frankly, it is merely a speck now.  You only made it so big in your head.

I understand that you are afraid.  It’s ok, just don’t stay afraid because it will eat you up to pieces.  I know because I’ve been there.  It’s like a humongous dragon but, if you look closely enough, it’s all just smoke- a scary-looking mirage.  You’re made of tougher stuff.  You have the heart of a lion!  

Move past the fear.  I assure you, it will dissipate.  Go on dear, simply take steps forward.  You can do it! Just believe in yourself again.

I was a zombie

I think I pretty much established that earlier (see The TV took me hostage).  There was a time when I would turn my mind off and drown myself in information overload, throw gold coins of time wantonly and put my life on hold.  Not anymore!  Thank heavens I woke up, jumped out of slumber and moved forward.

Now that my eyes are open, I see zombies hovering all around the place.  They say only a zombie can really identify it's kind.  Let me classify it for you.

Gadget Zombie-  This zombie keeps it's android phone, tablet, and other gadgets within reach at all times.  It dies of boredom otherwise.  It has to be constantly updated of other people's lives, news or the latest trends via facebook, instagram, twitter and other media. It feeds on wasting time on senseless games and videos, getting likes and gossiping.

Workaholic Zombie-  This one fills itself with work, work, and more work.  It needs to always prove itself and acquire more stuff so it can look bigger than what it seems.  It is always running and moving around to avoid facing it's inner struggle.

I-Need-To-Be Beautiful Zombie.  This is the most superficial zombie of them all.  It looks good outside but is hollow inside, hence, the extreme focus on covering the vacuum with a pretty face or gorgeous body.  It feeds on praise and approval of others.

I-Hate-The-World Zombie.  This kind feeds on the past- misfortunes, failures, regrets. It always has a complain about something or someone.  It is very difficult to please them or for them to be happy.  It clamors for drama, drama, and more drama.

I-Am-Better-Than-You Zombie.  This one has the biggest head.  It is always right and will fight anyone who says it's not.  It readily judges and gets impressed.  It feeds on power- holding the key position, having the last say, being in control.     

Eat-Drink-Be-Merry Zombie.  This zombie indulges in pleasure.  It wants to taste and experience everything.  While out partying, it grunts, "I only live once!".  This one stays alive only to satisfy the self.    

I-Will-Only-Be-Happy-When Zombie.  This zombie postpones its happiness for a later time.  It believes that happiness is a lofty goal,  "I will be happy when I find someone who loves me" or "I will be happy when I am successful".  It feeds on what could have been, what ifs and persistent daydreaming.  

All cartoons are from http://plantsvszombies

One time over lunch, a colleague commented, "There's just so many zombie movies and tv series of late".  I think it's telling of the time.  We've been zombified!  Our minds have been enslaved by so many different things- laziness and carelessness , greed for money or power, wrong sense of self, negativity and endless desires.

But fret not, there is an antidote- the herb of knowledge (or you may also want to know how to kill an addiction).  We only need to awaken to the truth that our real selves is not connected to anything we have, or whatever we do, not even to what we have become.  Essentially, we are beings of love, peace, happiness, purity and power.  There's really no need to scramble to look for it.  The very thing we seek in our lives is inherent in us.  We simpy have to remember who we really are.  

from EasyMeditation

How to Kill an Addiction

Cartoon from http://lastlemon.com/harolds-planet

I'm usually a sensible person.  I'm in and out of facebook- making sure I'm not scrolling the newsfeed for more than 30 minutes on the few times I log in (and that's goes for other online social media- youtube, twitter, etc), I never play online games (or any video game for that matter), I've said my goodbye to the dvd player and videostreaming a long time ago but for some weird reason the tv just got me hooked (Please see The TV Took Me Hostage to know the full story).  I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  So, I did more soul searching to understand why I am doing what I'm doing (since I'm a self-development junkie, I just really need to know).

So, I looked back at my previous patterns.  I saw that if there's something I couldn't handle- I sleep.  If I came across a roadblock- I run away.  If  a bigger-than-life opportunity comes my way, I cringe.  

After facing myself squarely, I realized that I allowed the TV to take hold of me because I couldn't quite pull myself together.  I was not powerful enough to turn the remote off because I am afraid of facing the opportunities in front of me.  I lacked the will and strength to change so I revert back to an old habit.  Also, I wanted to reach the goal but I don't like to put in the work involved to get there.  Like infamous Juan Tamad (Lazy Juan), I opted to sleep under the guava tree hoping that the fruit will miraculously fall straight to my mouth.  I took the easy route- stall and escape!

The TV allowed me to go just that,  lull my mind and go brain-dead for a few hours.  It allowed me to simply dream of the fruit and prevented me from climbing the tree so I can get the guava right away.  It brought everything to a halt just like sleeping.

In actuality, the culprit's not the TV afterall, it's my fear and laziness. 

Yay, now I know the root cause!  Since realization is the first step to change, now, I only need to gather the courage to do the right thing -again and again until I form the habit of just moving forward towards the goal, not minding the hurdles.

Cartoon from http://lastlemon.com/mahoney-joe

  

The TV Took Me Hostage

Cartoon from http://vecto.rs

It's been awhile since I last wrote here.  There were just so many other things. And the very little time that I was free, I've been kidnapped- by none other than the boob tube!  It's actually in front of me right now and I'm resisting the urge to break it into pieces.

While I'm still thinking if I should opt to do that, let me tell you our story.  It started off like an unexpected romance.  After a long busy week, while sitting down on the couch, I took a glance at it and thought,   "I've never really liked you but let's give it a try".  And that's the end of me.  I was glued for hours and hours- just clicking channels, tuning in to catch-up weekends, and running the series' marathons.  I was so enchanted by it that I would delay going to the restroom, the kitchen and even  the oh-so-precious-bedroom (losing a lot of my oh-so-valuable-sleep).  So, I almost gave myself UTI, starved to near death and divorced my beloved bed (at least once a week).

It was a once-in-seven-days affair.  For some weird reason, I would only let myself slide when I know I don't have work the next day.  Thank heavens, some threads of sanity kept me from going berserk all the way!  It was good while it lasted though.  The TV swept me to worlds I could only imagine.  Sometimes, I'm a New Yorker trying to make a name for myself, or a hot shot lawyer, or an artist in search for stardom.  It allowed me to escape my (sometimes) mundane existence.  It comforted me to no end.  It was just always there- making me laugh, letting me dream, taking me to exciting places.

But, in the end I had to let it go.  It was not what I thought it was.  It was sucking the life of me.  It wouldn't allow me to go out and meet my friends, do what I love like write on this blog or cook, and go about my usual sensible routine.  Slowly, I realized that the time I spent in front of it makes me less and less myself.  I allowed it to occupy my time so my projects, writings, sports, advocacies, relationships were all on a standstill.  In a sense, my life was on a halt.

It would only happen once a week but I feel I've waste so much.  Prior to this incident, I couldn't really understand why they say time is gold.  Now, I do.  It's the currency I pay in life.  If I let my hours pass meaninglessly then I spill potential gold coins of new experiences, connections, and learnings.  But, if I use it then I taste life's offerings and insert some coins in a piggy bank labeled future.  By allowing myself to be hypnotized by the seductive television, I spill the coins down in the gutter- never to be retrieved.

Now, you understand why I detest it so much.  But, I will not obliterate it.  Just now, I decided to take the higher road, I will let it live but I shall take my life back!  I hold the remote.            


This photo is from http://pages.shanti.virginia.edu

                 

       

'Never lose your happiness'

Happy yogis BK Agnes and BK Roshni in front of Om Shanti Bhawan, Mount Abu, Rajasthan, India

“Write it on your forehead I will stay happy and distribute happiness to others.”

“Bolo”, (repeat) the Teacher said in Hindi.  The crowd of 24,000 chanted in unison “I will stay happy and distribute happiness to others”.

I’m  OK

I’ve been to India for four times to participate in a huge gathering of raja yoga meditation students from all over the globe but this is the happiest meeting I’ve had.  I am not dancing or singing or shouting for joy.  Nor am I laughing out loud or shedding tears of happiness.  There’s simply an inner stability and contentment inside.  The mind is clear and my heart is calm.  I am ok and so is everything else around me.  The stillness is like that of the depths of the ocean.  There are no stirrings of worry or pain, no ripples of expectations, and no waves of sorrow.  I am at peace with myself, nothing is bothering me at all- not the distinct smell of Indian spice floating in the air, or my upset stomach, or even the small space I’m cramped in.  Nothing matters at all because I feel so good inside.

Hold on to your happiness

The Teacher explains, “No matter what situations arise, it should not take away your happiness”. Happiness is my inherent treasure.  I don’t have to search for it, buy it, or even earn it.  All I have to do is keep my happiness.  Often, when a challenge comes I allow it to pull me down.  I let it disturb my calm mind with questions and thoughts of worry.  It shakes my peaceful disposition with feelings of fear, pain, hurt and insecurity.  Then, I lose my happiness because at a time my heart can only hold one thing- either love or fear, joy or pain, healing or hurt, stability or insecurity.  It’s impossible to maintain a positive disposition if there’s a tiny bit of ill feeling. 

“Make the situation small, do not make it big”, He admonishes.  I have the power to mold anything on the basis of my perception of it.  If I complain, resist or judge a circumstance, I make it into a monster which comes back to me and haunts me.  If I accept it and move forward, then I overcome it like a bird flying over a mountain.   

Nothing’s wrong

Being on the path of self-development for more than 3 years has taught me that “whatever is happening is good, whatever has happened is good, what is to happen will be good”.  Therefore, nothing is wrong.  Situations come to test me.  If I pass it, it bestows me gifts- patience, humility, maturity, trust.  Then, I move forward in this game of life stronger.  On the other hand, if I don’t pass the test, I will have to take it again and again until I get the lesson.  It’s like a computer game, I can never progress to a higher level until I finish the lower stage.

He makes it simpler, whatever it is you are going through “just be courageous and you will receive help”.  He adds, “Have constant good wishes and pure feelings for everyone”.  It is very easy to justify why a situation is wrong, look at my weakness, or someone else’s mistakes.  He advises us to see only the beauty in everyone and everything.  I feel that when I am confused, hurt, or angry I’m sending out sharp arrows around me which only hurts others and makes the atmosphere heavy.  But when I trust, accept, move forward, and remain happy I give others space and I send out roses in the air whose fragrance uplifts everyone and any situation.

“Make a firm promise, you will remain happy and share happiness.  There is no nourishment like happiness.  There is so much wonder in happiness”.  He continued, “If you like it, raise your hands”.  I raised three- my two hands and the hand of my heart.

Photo by Agnes Roque

When I Die

Two days before leaving the meditation campus in Mount Abu, Rajasthan, India we were informed of the passing of two senior yogis who served as pillars of the yagya (gathering).  That incident made me think about the eventuality of my own death.

When I die

Weep not for me for it is not my end

It simply means that my role with you has finished

And I have to move on to my next one

It is good

When I die

Please celebrate

Sing, dance and be merry

For I am happy that I have gone

It is time

When I die

Miss me not

Go on with your journey

I have to cross another path

But in due time, we shall meet again

When I die

I wish that my case be burned

And my ashes thrown by the Lake Nakki

My spirit has flown off

The humus has to return back to its land

Wherever my next destination may be

Know that I am well

In this life, I have attained what I have been looking for

I am content

My hope is that you find it too

Nakki Lake in Rajasthan India, where I want my ashes to be thrown