Note to self

It took quite awhile for my anger to subside.  And when it did, I took small steps towards change. 

And, I learned some lessons along the way.

Image by Kristina Swarner

People will disappoint you

Though how well-meaning they may seem

They are not robots

They cannot or will not do things 

Exactly as you expect them to

Be accommodating

People will hurt you

Even if they don't want to

Even if they love you

They sometimes forget

Or they get too attached to you

Let go

People will not always like you

They are as fickle as the weather

It's not about you

It's about them 

But they bounce it off to you

Don't mind them

The good thing is

People can change

Like seasons

People can evolve

Like caterpillars

Or butterflies (if you're a pessimist)

Give them space

Allow them to be who they choose to be

And remain stable in who you are

Don't let them shake you

Be a rock

Be their rock

Meditation by Release Your Wings

P.S.  If you're going through some tough 

times or if simply you want to build resilience, 

this might help. 

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The Red Monster Came Out of Hiding

The journey to self love and healing did not happen overnight.

First, I had to call out my enemy.  

image from medium.com

I have waged war against the television, waste thoughts and even laziness and won.  


I was happily resting on my laurels, proud of what I have accomplished when the red monster crept in from behind and attacked me.  It was so sudden, so unexpected, and so brilliantly strategized.  I was held captive.


The fearsome enemy sneaked unnoticed for years.  It was slowly and secretly building its arsenal and strength. 

image from wikihow

Everytime I choose to keep quiet and follow orders I  do not understand, it becomes stronger.   Whenever I evade the issue and hide in my room, it keeps me company. In the moments I believe that "I cannot do anything right.", it grows bolder.  When I say yes even when in my head I'm screaming "No!", it bellows its evil laugh.  


It masks itself as the keeper of peace.  It's best to agree than cause disharmony, it admonishes.  It says simply blow a wish and everything will be ok.  It cares not if one feels hurt or low. It simply shrugs the inner turmoil and pretends everything is ok (even if it's not). 

image from pinterest

I never thought, I've been feeding the monster of anger for so long.  Not until, I felt so weak I think I'll die.  


In one conversation with friends, it suddenly popped up.  I realized I was so angry, I feel drained.  I was so angry, I'm driving myself to death.  I was so angry, I succumb to depression.


It's been there all along but I have ignored it.  Now, the monster's finally out and I stare into its red hot face.


I have been told that this will happen.  I often hear it in meditation class, "As in ayurvedic medicine, all the illnesses will erupt before it gets better".  

Sister Denise, a senior yogi based in India says that my monsters have  to come out so I can eradicate it.  Then, I will get stronger and tread through life lighter having eliminated the excess baggage.  


Contrary to popular belief that the devil lurks outside, in spirituality, I am taught that I have to drive out the monsters inside of me and extinguish it.  So, I can move closer to my true being- one that is filled with power, peace, purity, love and bliss.


Ok then, let the fight begin. 

image from buzzfeed

And fight the red monster, I did.  

                                              

                                           Meditation on Releasing Anger

 


Now 4 years later, having won my inner battle, I'd like to reach out and help others fight their own monsters.  (Wait, have you identified what your monster is?)  Let me walk you through it in this forum on coping with depression.

Register here

  

OMG! I think was depressed some few years back

I was looking for a photo and so I reviewed my old posts.  I came across this entry from 2014.  It  reminded me of a point in my life when I got depressed. OMG, I totally forgot that phase.

image from alwayslonliness

"You hurt me!", this was my battle cry the whole week I succumbed to depression.


I was angry


I had been keeping in all of my angst for years and one day it just blew up in front of my face.  I felt so angry, I don't know what to do.  So, for a week I locked myself in my room and wallowed in misery ( but I would come down twice a day to eat and yell at the dog- to let my anger out).

I generally keep everything in check except for my hurts. I look at my thoughts, my behavior and my response to things. But, when someone attacks me (confronts, backstabs or fights me), I automatically shut down and feel numb.  I come from a squishy home where my parents have always been very supportive and  protective.  I work in lala land where office politics is unheard of.  So, when I come across mean people, I freeze.

image from lenonhonor.com

I didn't stand up for myself


I spoke to a senior yogi about this.  She  asked, " What do you do when someone doesn't like you or fights with you?"  


"I meditate", I replied. 


"You're not defending yourself!", she answered back.

I have been defenseless for years.  So all the hurt, anger and pain were kept in the inner recesses of my heart.  One day, it came out and swallowed me whole.


I'm so angry at so many people, I don't want to see them.  

image by culturacolectiva.com

I wallowed in my pain


So, I went back home (I don't live with my family) and locked myself up.  In my room, I cried and  blamed everyone who hurt me. 


"Why are they so mean?", I asked. 


"Why didn't someone point this out to me early on."  


I did this blaming game day in and day out for seven days until I realize that I can't blame people for being who they are. 


They are aggressive, controlling and manipulative, yes.  But, there's no way I can change them.  


Even if I plead, "Can you please change because you're encroaching on my space?"  I doubt if they'll transform in an instant simply to accommodate me.  


People have their own issues and  personalities.  I have no control over that.  And, sadly, I don't live in a perfect world with angels and saints.  

There will always be difficult people. The only thing I can do is to toughen up and learn to master the art of standing up for myself. 

image from cloudarticles

I took responsibility

In the end, I realized that I am to blame.  I hurt myself because I allowed others to hurt me.  

Now, I have to power up! 

Meditation on Power by Release Your Wings

After 4 years, I did power up and now I can talk about how to deal with anxiety and depression.  But, I prefer walking you through it.  Join me and my friends in this forum on depression and the journey to self love and healing.

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