Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Note to self

  illustration by Kristina Swarner                                                       


People will disappoint you
though how well-meaning they may seem
They are not robots
They cannot or will not do things exactly as you expect them to
Be accommodating



People will hurt you
Even if they don't want to
Even if they love you
They sometimes forget or they get too attached to you
Let go



People will not always like you
They are as fickle as the weather
It's not about you
It's about them but they bounce it off to you
Don't mind them



The good thing is
People can change
like seasons
People can evolve
like iphones



Give them space
Allow them to be who they choose to choose to be
And remain stable in who you are
Don't let them shake you
Be a rock, be their rock





Saturday, December 28, 2013

Lessons from the monks

photo from www.tagaytayretreatcenter.org

They wake up at dawn to meditate, they do things in silence, and they have devoted their lives to teach raja yoga.  They are actually volunteers of an international non-government organization (which is in consultative status with the United Nations) and residents of the Center of Spiritual Learning (CSL) but I prefer to call them monks.

I want to be like them (please see I want to be a monk), so for a year I would go up to cool and hilly Tagaytay to stay with them during my weekends.

Meet the residents 

The sisters and the lone brother in CSL rarely give me instructions instead they teach by example.

I usually arrive Saturday afternoon. A motherly Sister Yogini welcomes me with her signature twinkling eyes and the warmest "Hello, hello, hello!".  Before I even put my luggage in my room, I'll be ushered to the kitchen where the center coordinator, Sister Sushila greets me with a wide Cheshire cat grin and a hot bowl of soup.  She usually sits down with me and asks how my week had been.   On the other side of the dining hall, I'll catch a glimpse of Sister Adel sitting by lone self and eating in meditative silence.

Sunday morning breakfast will not be complete with Sister Natalie's freshly baked pandesal and brewed coffee.  She reminds me of my grandmother (though she’s probably only in her late thirties) as she is always in the kitchen- happily concocting and preparing dishes and pastries.  Often, she'll let me taste the new vegetarian recipe she's experimenting with.  After breakfast, Sister Tims orients me about the things I have to do in the next two days.  I love how she gives me the creative freedom to do tasks the best way I know how. Sometimes, she'll remind me, "Karen, it's never about the end-result.  Always check what you're becoming in the process."

Before the day ends, Bro. William who to me looks like a gentle bear because of his big built and very refined manners packs up the kitchen.  If I have time, I help him out but he always insist that I rest earlier than him.

The Secret
Visitors and guests of the Tagaytay retreat center will always comment that they instantly feel at peace as soon as they enter the door.  Let me tell you in on a secret, it is because the "monks" who live there have filled each and every corner of the place with pure, peaceful and loving vibrations in their moments of silence and as they go about their chores.

Don't take my word for it, come see for yourself.  The Center for Spiritual Learning regularly holds retreats and meditation classes.  Drop by and treat yourself to a spa for the soul.  



                                             video from Easy Meditation

Saturday, November 30, 2013

It's ok to talk to strangers


I did mention in my previous post that I won shopping vouchers (please see It's my birthday and I can gloat if I want to ). Hooray for me!  Honestly, it was a pleasant surprise but getting a prize was the farthest thing from my mind.  My intention was to simply acknowledge the kind staff of Starbucks LCCT (low cost carrier terminal), Malaysia.

So, I nonimated them in Malaysia airports' TOUCH campaign and wrote about their good deed.  Let me tell you the story.

My travel buddy and I arrived at the Kuala Lumpur terminal past 1am. I usually cap the night by 9 pm so I was partly sleepwalking at that time.  Good thing, I was sane enough to arrange for airport transfer before our flight.  The hotel advised me to call as soon as we land.  Since I needed Malaysian coins to use the phonebooths in the airport and I wanted to call immediately before I doze off (while walking), I asked the nearest shop (Starbucks) to change my dollar into coins but didn't order anything (I was so exhausted and sleepy, I wanted to be done with the call ASAP).  Without batting an eyelash, they gave me enough coins for the call and returned my dollar.  I thanked them and immediately hopped from one phonebooth to the other trying to connect to the hotel.  Unfortunately, all the booths seemed to be out of order but I mindlessly continued to dial away (I did mention that I don't think straight when I'm  sleep deprived, right?).  Two of the Starbuck's staff whom I asked for change came out for break and noticed my desperate attempts to make a broken phone work.  They approached us and offered the use of their cellular phone.  I was hesitant initially.  In my head, I was thinking "I'm a total stranger plus I look weird (I'm not only expecting to miraculously bring the phonebooth to life but I was also in my monk costume- an all white punjabi), are they not afraid that I run away with their phone?!" and "How generous of them to let me use their phone's credit considering they don't know me from Adam! Are they for real?".  Eventually, I swallowed my doubts and pride, accepted their offer and called.  After more failed attempts, not wanting to disturb them any further,  my companion & I thanked them profusely and handed the phone back.  They were hesitant to leave but we insisted that they take their break.  However, in less than 10 minutes, they were back.  They reported that they were able to contact the hotel and that the driver will arrive soon.  We were very grateful and handed them a few dollars for the help but they refuse to accept it.  Instead, they showed us where we will be picked up and quietly left.  But before they head back to their post, they checked on us again to make sure we are ok.  Just then, the driver arrived.  Since he  didn't speak English, they stayed awhile and interpreted for us.

This experience convinced me that people are good and that there are still those who are willing to walk the extra mile to extend their help.  Now, I'll never tell anyone not to talk to strangers.

People, just be discriminating yet trusting and you'll come across the good Samaritans.






Monday, November 4, 2013

It’s my birthday and I can gloat if I want to

I’ve lost track of how many times my mentor had to sit down with me just to remind me that I have to focus. “Do you really want to have a chopsuey life?!”,  she’d asked (for those of you who don’t know what chopsuey is, it’s sautéed mixed vegetables. interesting choice of words, noh?) or “You know, I didn’t believe you before when you said that you probably have ADD (attention deficit disorder) but you might just have it.” or “You have great potential but if you don’t get your act together it might just remain that- a potential”.

I know, she can be very honest but she’s also very patient.  She did not give up on me though it took me a year to jumpstart a project she can successfully accomplish in a month.  I don’t know how in the world I could ever come close to her standards.  But today, I am definite I have!

What a pleasant birthday surprise!

Persistence is key

Currently, I’m blogging from a hotel in Kuala Lumpur (KL).  I arrived past midnight expecting an airport transfer.  But the road to getting it wasn't easy.  As expected, I booked last minute- 48 hours before the flight.  I specifically asked for transfer when I confirmed the booking and I also e-mailed the hotel twice just to be sure. When I didn’t get a response after a day, I called.  Guess what? They refused to accommodate my request because I had to inform them 48 hours before the scheduled check-in not 48 hours before I land on the airport ( didn't check the fine print).  So, after a long and fruitless negotiation with the desk officer, I hung up on her.  Knowing that her shift will end around 5pm, I called again past that time hoping that I can get to talk the manager this time (or just a more sensible person).  However, after spending precious pesos on an international call, I got another no.  My travel buddy insisted that I let it slide. We could just get a taxi. So, before I boarded the plane I called again just to get the address for the cab but I was told that the hotel will be sending someone to pick us up. Hooray! Dogged persistence does pay off. 

Push it!

I work in “lala land”.  That means I don’t do overtime (only until 6.30pm if I really have to). Office politics is unheard of where I come from.  It’s impossible in my world since we work with different colleagues daily and there's no ladder to climb.  Since people are not after any position or promotion, the work atmosphere is generally relaxed.  To top it off,  I may get off work anytime I want to (not that I do that often). I just need to inform people- no slips or application of leave whatsoever.  There's a reason why I’m telling you all this- to emphasize the point that  I’m not used to working my butt-off like corporate people.  We literally just play at work.  Then, I have to collaborate with a mentor who hails from a let’s-get-things-done-even-if-it’s-out-of this-world environment and expects me to move mountains.

For a year, I've been telling her that I'm trailing behind her but I'll get it soon enough.  Today, I'm happy to report that I nailed it!

You see, I am in KL so I could redeem a shopping voucher (not that I care anything about shopping). I won it.  The thing is, I failed to read the fine print again. I could only use it at the international airport of which I don’t have a pass since I came in via the low cost terminal. I checked with the information personnel- she said I can only use it for chocolates and perfume.  My sister (my travel companion couldn’t contain her laughter- she knows I don’t like perfume and I need every inch of my 15kg luggage to pack in all the sweets if I am to use up the gift certificates).  But, after a recent win (getting the airport transfer), I’m not one who will easily give in.  I still went ahead with my set plan (to get a gadget using the vouchers) and asked around.  Turned out, I can use it in a electronic store.  The only thing is, I didn’t like the selection in the only store outside the terminal.  Again, my travel buddy coaxed me to just be done with it and just get whatever is available.  The old me would have followed her.  But, I’ve seen how persistence works so I called the number in my congratulatory letter until my fingers bleed and my sister threatens to block me from her travelling companion list.  Did I budge?  Did I give up? Hell no! (pardon the language but I couldn’t find anything more appropriate)  I asked where the office of the awarding committee is and despite all odds (my irritated sissy & the more irritated information lady), we ventured into the city to find the head honcho so I can talk to him.  I learned from my mentor that if something closes, find another way. Also, she emphasized that the personnels usually can’t make decisions so go for the big guys, they’re usually more accommodating.  To cut to the chase, after almost a day of seek-and-seek and talk-to-any-english speaking-airport personnel, I got a pass to go inside the international airport terminal. Another yay for me!

The Win
I just got my birthday present- a fiercer, more determined and wait for it……………. a more focused me!  Thank you dearest mentor and great job, self! You are getting better!

P.S. Truth be told, silence helped me a lot too but that’s another long story.
 
video from EasyMeditation

Thursday, October 10, 2013

6 out of 7


Not a bad batting average.  Last week, I got 5 over 7. This week, I upped the ante by 15%. Yehey to me!!! "Good job, Karen! I know you missed your goal by a slight margin (1 point to be exact), but it's ok.  The good thing is, you are improving. I am definite that you will hit it this week".

Yes, I just reaffirmed myself.  To be honest, I wrote it with a slightly heavy heart.  I really wanted to perfect it this time.  But I didn't.  At crunch time, fear had gotten hold of me.  I couldn't exactly recall what happened.  I just knew that the moment I felt that the prize is so near, I cowered.  I got scared of succeeding and so I was paralyzed into inaction.

A life coach many years back said that I tend to sabotage myself when succcess looms in the corner.  Like a mission impossible message, I had this propensity to self-destruct when the goal's almost accomplished.  I couldn't pinpoint why I do this.  I just knew that I succumb to fear when I'm about to throw the winning shot.

They say fear is like having a mouse inside your heart.  Your heart just goes tug-tug and you end up pacing back and forth with sweaty palms, perplexed about what to do.  Fear is that little voice inside your head saying, "You can't do it!".  It skillfully narrates all the things that could go wrong and explains in detail why you are not enough or not worthy.  Fear puts a humongous wall between you and your dream.  It holds one captive inside his own comfort zone.

True, I don't know what's out there.  How I wish I can just disappear into oblivion to escape the huge task in front of me.  But, I don't want to forever guess what could have been and  I want to see how far I can go. So, I am determined to just do this- no matter what!


                                           video from bkwsuglasgow

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Life in a blender

picture from http://www.karenwyattmd.com

What do you do when life throws you lemons?
They say make lemonade
I say, "Dodge!"
Duh?!

What if it's a lemon avalanche?
Wikihow says swim and try to stay near the surface
I say, "I'm clueless, I just hope I survive."
Huh....(deep sigh)

It happens
Storms strike at the most unholy hours
The whole of your world goes spinning
Aaaaargggh!!!!

I don't understand
No, I refuse to accept
Life can go haywire
Hmmmm....

Things don't go as planned
Setbacks happen
Or worse, things fall apart
Ooops!

Have you ever tasted the nearness of success with added spoonfuls of fear?
How about truckloads of expectations masquerading itself as tough love?
It's disgusting, let me tell you
Yuck!

People go crazy
Dreams elude even the most persistent
Happily ever after seems so far away
Well...

Whatever, I'll still push on!

Monday, September 23, 2013

I want to be a monk


A recent weekend retreat made me revisit this long-lost, forgotten dream.

Flashback
Four years ago, on my first trip to the raja yoga's headquarters in India, despite all odds, I squeezed in an appointment with the administrative head to tell her that I want to surrender.  In my head, this meant that when I get back home I will quit my job, leave my family, stay in the meditation center and teach yoga. Like a giddy first-timer, I awaited a favorable response.  However, Dadi Janki, the 93 year old spiritual leader looked at me sternly and said, "Only when you are light and accurate".

Present
At the moment, if I resubmit my application, I think I will still be turned down.  Yes, I am light but I'm not yet accurate.  I've been wondering,  "Why not simply rest on my easy nature?".  After brooding on this, I realize that if I allow myself to be so carefree, I may just fall off the cliff as a result of my carelessness.  Accuracy is the string which allows the kite of lightness to fly.  Without the right discipline, the kite will fall to the ground or go wayward in the vast horizon.  I now understand that a strength ceases to be a strength when it reaches its extreme.  Like a highly organized person without concern or sensitivity for others may turn out to be arrogant and controlling.  A sweet charismatic person without the ability to discern may end up being dependent on people or condoning even of wrong behavior.  Therefore, the right dose of complimentary virtues is required to bring about the best version of me as a strength needs to be balanced by another virtue for it to fully realize its power.  I do need to be light and accurate.

The Plan
Being a monk (that's how I prefer to call the volunteer raja yoga teachers who stay in the meditation centers) is still at the top of my bucket list.  If I ace being accurate, I think I will get it.  Now, as I finish the things I have to finish as I journey towards my goal, I will do this one thing- be on time (for every appointment, meeting, or class) !

Sunday, September 1, 2013

I Love You Still

picture from http://www.tumblr.com

"Please lock all the doors before you sleep.", I told her many times over before I retire for the night.  At 3 o'clock in the morning, I woke up with all the doors open- screen door, front door and back door.  Good thing, all our things were still intact and no stranger tried to barge in our house.

"I can get angry at her.", I told myself.  This time my anger is justified!  Awful things could have happened to us. Different scenarios played in my mind but my intellect (the rational part of me) said, "But, nothing happened.  You have just cleared your heart?  Do you want to be heavy again?" (Please see post on this if you don't follow)

"No, I don't want to carry any burden again", so I collected myself and decided to let it go.  I spoke to her calmly about the matter when she woke up.  Then, after breakfast, I thought of the most extraordinary thing- invite her for coffee.

My mind said, "Are you nuts? So, you are rewarding her for putting all of you in danger?!"  My intellect refuted, "I'd like to love her inspite of."  My better judgment won the battle.

When I brought her coffee, I muttered, "My peace offering.  I'm sorry I could sometimes be harsh on you." She said, "Sometimes I need it, Ate (older sister). I can be very stubborn also." "Still, I'm sorry.", I replied.

For the first time in months, she started to share about her plans and dreams.  I let her do the talking while I listened intently- reminding myself not to ask questions or give unsolicited advice.  I was simply there for her- not passing any judgment whatsoever and wishing her well.

I felt I've cleared the air.  I've finally cut the cobwebs which kept her from moving forward.  You see, our negative feelings- anger, fear, resentment, worry or hurt not only clouds our thinking but it also entangles the object of these emotions.  We often think that telling them of the problem is helpful.  Well, it is but only when we come from a space of love.  If we keep on blaming other people for our suffering thinking "you ought to change because you make me very uncomfortable", what we do is simply cramp the person more.  Experience taught me that the best antidote for any conflict, relationship problem or even illness is love. Before calling in the counselor or the ambulance, I learned it's best to give them space to be who they choose to be, accept them for who they are, and love them inspite of.

I love you, little sister.  I know you will be ok soon enough!


                                      video from spotlightvalues

Monday, August 26, 2013

On Letting Go

image from http://www.elfwood.com

I will still care
but I will stop telling you how to live your life
I will still be here
but you shall not hear me ranting if you do your  hiding-from-life drama
I will forever wish you well
but I will stop offering my two cents' worth


Instead, I shall give you

space

space

and more space


Because...
I understand that this is your choice
Because...
I accept you for who you are
Because...
your script is different from mine


And I shall give you

space

space

and more space


I'm letting you go
And I'm letting you be
Know that you deserve the best
And that I still believe in you
I guess, i finally learned to love
Thank you for teaching me.



                                                            from EasyMeditation





Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Thank You Little Sister

Picture from http://www.taramcglinchey.com
"Why are you heavy?", asked my business mentor as we end our usual Monday meeting.  "Huh?" , I cluelessly answered.  "You have to check yourself.", she retorted.

The Inner Scrutiny
I immediately went through my usual to do list: go to meditation class daily (check), enjoy work (check) and propel my other projects forward (check).  Since things appeared to be going smoothly, how can there be any blockages? Otherwise, it should hamper my world. Still, I persisted on investigating the matter closely.  I spent extra time in the early morning and before bedtime in silence to check the state of my heart.  To my surprise, I found out that I am indeed carrying a baggage as heavy as a block of cement.  I've been busy being responsible at home, keeping a happy disposition at work and being courageous with my new endeavors that I didn't realized that I'm not really ok.

Wearing many hats and thinking too much made me forget what I feel. I didn't realized that I am angry. Well, not at myself.  As I mentioned earlier, my egotistical self thinks I'm superduper fine.  I was angry at  the other person in my life who by my standards is not making her life move.  I am mad at her for not stepping up to her full potential.  In my head, I'd like to jolt her out of her inertia and I was constantly screaming "Get out of it!".

I metamorphosed into an I-am-better-than-you zombie (see I was a zombie), judging her for not being like me, telling her what to do like a nagging mother (i thought that would help), and berating her for not doing her duties (cause I think that an effective house manager/older sister follows up and gives the necessary reinforcement).

The Talk
A talk with my spiritual teacher helped me look at the situation more clearly.  He said, "You were mad at her because you see her as your sister who's not facing her responsibilities but you failed to see that she is a struggling soul.  She is weak at this point and your expectations and judgment just pushes her down even more."

I was ashamed for behaving so badly.  I never thought I am still influenced by anger until this moment.  My negative take of the situation made it worse than what it really is.

I had a long honest talk with myself.  "This is not your true nature.  You are as accepting and accommodating as an ocean.  You are a loving soul.  You have a big heart which can embrace the whole world.  Go back to who you really are."

The Gift
I had to go through a process of facing myself squarely, forgiving myself, and going back to my truth before I regained my light heart back.

It was not a walk in the park, it took me weeks to clear the blocks.  I realized that any negative emotion- fear, anger, worry, regret, or hurt impedes my inner eye from seeing people and circumstances for what they truly are.  It is only when I remove these blinders that I can let love back in and then be able to give it out.

Thank you, little sister for helping me learn this lesson.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Dearest Little Sister

picture from http://mypoeticside.com/poems

I’m sorry I’m not big enough to accommodate you. I just can't accept that you choose to stay in the rut of the past for too long.  I wish I can say “It’s ok” all the time.  

I look into your eyes and I can’t find the sparkle.  Where did you hide it?  Where has my unstoppable partner in crime gone?  You used to simply jump over the hurdles.  It pains me to see you in a standstill.  

I’ve told you many times over, “You’re the best among us siblings”.  I hope you realize this soon enough.  When did you stop believing you can?  Well, never mind.  Just move forward and never ever remember “that” moment.  Frankly, it is merely a speck now.  You only made it so big in your head.

I understand that you are afraid.  It’s ok, just don’t stay afraid because it will eat you up to pieces.  I know because I’ve been there.  It’s like a humongous dragon but, if you look closely enough, it’s all just smoke- a scary-looking mirage.  You’re made of tougher stuff.  You have the heart of a lion!  

Move past the fear.  I assure you, it will dissipate.  Go on dear, simply take steps forward.  You can do it! Just believe in yourself again.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I was a zombie

I think I pretty much established that earlier (see The TV took me hostage).  There was a time when I would turn my mind off and drown myself in information overload, throw gold coins of time wantonly and put my life on hold.  Not anymore!  Thank heavens I woke up, jumped out of slumber and moved forward.

Now that my eyes are open, I see zombies hovering all around the place.  They say only a zombie can really identify it's kind.  Let me classify it for you.


Gadget Zombie-  This zombie keeps it's android phone, tablet, and other gadgets within reach at all times.  It dies of boredom otherwise.  It has to be constantly updated of other people's lives, news or the latest trends via facebook, instagram, twitter and other media. It feeds on wasting time on senseless games and videos, getting likes and gossiping.




Workaholic Zombie-  This one fills itself with work, work, and more work.  It needs to always prove itself and acquire more stuff so it can look bigger than what it seems.  It is always running and moving around to avoid facing it's inner struggle.


I-Need-To-Be Beautiful Zombie.  This is the most superficial zombie of them all.  It looks good outside but is hollow inside, hence, the extreme focus on covering the vacuum with a pretty face or gorgeous body.  It feeds on praise and approval of others.


I-Hate-The-World Zombie.  This kind feeds on the past- misfortunes, failures, regrets. It always has a complain about something or someone.  It is very difficult to please them or for them to be happy.  It clamors for drama, drama, and more drama.


I-Am-Better-Than-You Zombie.  This one has the biggest head.  It is always right and will fight anyone who says it's not.  It readily judges and gets impressed.  It feeds on power- holding the key position, having the last say, being in control.     




Eat-Drink-Be-Merry Zombie.  This zombie indulges in pleasure.  It wants to taste and experience everything.  While out partying, it grunts, "I only live once!".  This one stays alive only to satisfy the self.    



I-Will-Only-Be-Happy-When Zombie.  This zombie postpones its happiness for a later time.  It believes that happiness is a lofty goal,  "I will be happy when I find someone who loves me" or "I will be happy when I am successful".  It feeds on what could have been, what ifs and persistent daydreaming.  

All cartoons are from http://plantsvszombies

One time over lunch, a colleague commented, "There's just so many zombie movies and tv series of late".  I think it's telling of the time.  We've been zombified!  Our minds have been enslaved by so many different things- laziness and carelessness , greed for money or power, wrong sense of self, negativity and endless desires.

But fret not, there is an antidote- the herb of knowledge (or you may also want to know how to kill an addiction).  We only need to awaken to the truth that our real selves is not connected to anything we have, or whatever we do, not even to what we have become.  Essentially, we are beings of love, peace, happiness, purity and power.  There's really no need to scramble to look for it.  The very thing we seek in our lives is inherent in us.  We simpy have to remember who we really are.  



Monday, July 8, 2013

How to Kill an Addiction

Cartoon from http://lastlemon.com/harolds-planet

I'm usually a sensible person.  I'm in and out of facebook- making sure I'm not scrolling the newsfeed for more than 30 minutes on the few times I log in (and that's goes for other online social media- youtube, twitter, etc), I never play online games (or any video game for that matter), I've said my goodbye to the dvd player and videostreaming a long time ago but for some weird reason the tv just got me hooked (Please see The TV Took Me Hostage to know the full story).  I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  So, I did more soul searching to understand why I am doing what I'm doing (since I'm a self-development junkie, I just really need to know).

So, I looked back at my previous patterns.  I saw that if there's something I couldn't handle- I sleep.  If I came across a roadblock- I run away.  If  a bigger-than-life opportunity comes my way, I cringe.  

After facing myself squarely, I realized that I allowed the TV to take hold of me because I couldn't quite pull myself together.  I was not powerful enough to turn the remote off because I am afraid of facing the opportunities in front of me.  I lacked the will and strength to change so I revert back to an old habit.  Also, I wanted to reach the goal but I don't like to put in the work involved to get there.  Like infamous Juan Tamad (Lazy Juan), I opted to sleep under the guava tree hoping that the fruit will miraculously fall straight to my mouth.  I took the easy route- stall and escape!

The TV allowed me to go just that,  lull my mind and go brain-dead for a few hours.  It allowed me to simply dream of the fruit and prevented me from climbing the tree so I can get the guava right away.  It brought everything to a halt just like sleeping.

In actuality, the culprit's not the TV afterall, it's my fear and laziness. 

Yay, now I know the root cause!  Since realization is the first step to change, now, I only need to gather the courage to do the right thing -again and again until I form the habit of just moving forward towards the goal, not minding the hurdles.

Cartoon from http://lastlemon.com/mahoney-joe
  



Sunday, June 30, 2013

The TV Took Me Hostage

Cartoon from http://vecto.rs
It's been awhile since I last wrote here.  There were just so many other things. And the very little time that I was free, I've been kidnapped- by none other than the boob tube!  It's actually in front of me right now and I'm resisting the urge to break it into pieces.

While I'm still thinking if I should opt to do that, let me tell you our story.  It started off like an unexpected romance.  After a long busy week, while sitting down on the couch, I took a glance at it and thought,   "I've never really liked you but let's give it a try".  And that's the end of me.  I was glued for hours and hours- just clicking channels, tuning in to catch-up weekends, and running the series' marathons.  I was so enchanted by it that I would delay going to the restroom, the kitchen and even  the oh-so-precious-bedroom (losing a lot of my oh-so-valuable-sleep).  So, I almost gave myself UTI, starved to near death and divorced my beloved bed (at least once a week).

It was a once-in-seven-days affair.  For some weird reason, I would only let myself slide when I know I don't have work the next day.  Thank heavens, some threads of sanity kept me from going berserk all the way!  It was good while it lasted though.  The TV swept me to worlds I could only imagine.  Sometimes, I'm a New Yorker trying to make a name for myself, or a hot shot lawyer, or an artist in search for stardom.  It allowed me to escape my (sometimes) mundane existence.  It comforted me to no end.  It was just always there- making me laugh, letting me dream, taking me to exciting places.

But, in the end I had to let it go.  It was not what I thought it was.  It was sucking the life of me.  It wouldn't allow me to go out and meet my friends, do what I love like write on this blog or cook, and go about my usual sensible routine.  Slowly, I realized that the time I spent in front of it makes me less and less myself.  I allowed it to occupy my time so my projects, writings, sports, advocacies, relationships were all on a standstill.  In a sense, my life was on a halt.

It would only happen once a week but I feel I've waste so much.  Prior to this incident, I couldn't really understand why they say time is gold.  Now, I do.  It's the currency I pay in life.  If I let my hours pass meaninglessly then I spill potential gold coins of new experiences, connections, and learnings.  But, if I use it then I taste life's offerings and insert some coins in a piggy bank labeled future.  By allowing myself to be hypnotized by the seductive television, I spill the coins down in the gutter- never to be retrieved.

Now, you understand why I detest it so much.  But, I will not obliterate it.  Just now, I decided to take the higher road, I will let it live but I shall take my life back!  I hold the remote.            


This photo is from http://pages.shanti.virginia.edu


                 



       

Monday, April 29, 2013

Why I Go to India

My family and friends often ask me why I go to India every year. “I meditate”, is my usual short reply.  I know they think I only sit down the whole day.  That is hardly the case.  Let me show you…

**Welcome to Gyansarovar!  This is the second largest of the 3 campuses of Brahma Kumaris in Rajasthan, India.  It is a modern facility complete with huge halls for classes, dining areas, computer shops, telephone booths, art galleries, and dormitories.  The university is powered by solar energy.
In Madhuban (how we fondly call the university), most of the students start their 
day at 4am.  Personally, I feel that the best time to meditate is at dawn 
before the world wakes up.


Then, I go for chai or walk.  Here, I came across 2 Rajasthani women one early morning. 
At 7am, I attend class. This is Dadi Janki, the 97-year old administrative head of Brahma Kumaris 
sharing with us.



**In Madhuban, my focus is the study and meditation.  I can do that because there everything’s prepared for us: meals, snacks, laundry, and room cleaning. They even arrange the tours.  We have 2-3 classes daily but one may come and go as he pleases.  Attendance is not taken.
 
**In the afternoon, all departments close down for siesta.  We usually rest or go around until 5.30pm.  The picture above was taken in the museum at Peace Park.



**By the way, we also play.


**And sit down for chit-chat.
Before the day ends, we have dusk meditation.  Here, our group climbed Baba’s Rock for
a view of the sunset and a beautiful yoga experience.

**Often, my friends ask if yogis levitate.  No, we don't but because the mind is taught to think of the right things, one feels very light yet stable.  Nothing esoteric really.


And you might be wondering why everyone's in white.  Well, since, we're in a university, students are required to wear a uniform but guests may come in any attire.  

I think I still haven't answered the question.  Let me put it this way, going to India is my "me-time".  It allows me to look within, look up, and only then will I look out.  It's a beautiful experience.  I hope you get to try it as well.


**Photos courtesy of Agnes Roque
           



The Forest of Honey is My Home

My roommates.  From L to R Nadhi from Sri Lanka, Ashoka from Italy, Daniella from Italy, Anais from France,
Agnes from Philippines and Dola Po from Nigeria

Mount Abu, Rajasthan India-  There were seven of us in the dormitory from five different countries- Italy, France, Nigeria, Sri Lanka and Philippines.  For three days, we’ve been billeted in one dormitory room yet we still don’t know each other’s name, more so speak more than one sentence at a time to each other.  When we all came to the Brahma Kumaris' spiritual university in Mount Abu, more fondly called as Madhuban (meaning The Forest of Honey), a silence retreat was going on.  In adherence to the set guidelines, we would only greet each other by nodding our heads, we’d whisper if there’s really something important to be said, ate in silence, and went about the routine in the campus quietly.  

Come fourth day, the silence ban was lifted as we prepare for the huge gathering of meditation students from India and foreigners from different parts of the globe.  I thought the quiet and peaceful atmosphere in the room will remain.  I’ve grown accustomed to it and I enjoyed the serenity.  I was wrong.  Agnes, our roommate from the Philippines instigated a pageant of nations.  She started calling off the countries, asked us to parade in the small aisle in between the 2 rows of bed, and prompted each one to come up with signature wave.  “Miss France!”, she bellowed.  “Miss Nigeria show us your wave!", she hollered.  Everyone willingly complied.  The silence of the last three days was replaced with gobs of laughter and a loving camaraderie.

Why We Came
Our very enthusiastic host then went on to each one’s bed and did her one-on-one interview.   That’s the only time we knew that Miss France’s name is Anais, Miss Italy is Daniella, Miss Sri Lanka is Nadhi, Miss Nigeria is Dola Po, and Miss Italy/Sri Lanka is Ashoka. 

Frankly, in Madhuban (how we fondly call the university in Rajasthan) a lot of things don’t matter- name, age, country, or position.  Often, we are unaware what day it is.  Also, we rarely talk about our work.   We all came to the headquarters to bathe in study and yoga.  Going to India is a treat and a retreat for all of us.   It is the time to focus on our spiritual growth. 

Ashoka, a retiree from Milano, Italy said, “I came here to find God.” Dola Po, a young professional from Nigeria on the other hand related, “I am very happy here.  I’m filled to the brim and I’m ready to give when I come home.”  Anais, from Paris,France aptly said, “I feel at home here.”
 
As soon as one enters the gate of the university, a waft of peace can be felt.  I usually feel instantly refreshed even after more than 24 hours of travel- as though I've come to the ocean shore.  This may be attributed to the vibration of tapasya (intense meditation) and atmosphere of love in Madhuban.  The residents in the campus have lovingly filled the place with powerful yoga even as they go about their daily tasks.  Meditation students all over the world flock here to go into the depths of the knowledge and silence.  The senior brothers and sisters who have been practicing raja yoga for 25 years (or more) guide the younger students through classes and meditation experiments.  More than a university, here on the mountain top of Abu, we are a family helping each other progress in our respective lives and spirituality.
Anais helps me tie the sari while Dola Po looks on
Song of Happiness
It is the farthest thing from boring because a yogi life is a life of balance.  We are taught to take care of our inner state, so we can remain stable in the face of any circumstance.  We practice silence to be able to connect to our true selves, the one filled with the virtues of love, peace, purity, power, and bliss. Then, we bring these in our interaction with others. 

We love solitude but we can just as easily move from stillness to celebration.   After the huge gathering, Dola Po (Miss Nigeria) came out of the hall waving and greeting everyone she met like a crowned princess.  A huge crowd of locals gathered around her mesmerized by her charm (and hair weave).  We had to usher her  out as she was creating traffic (around 24,000 people were trying to get out of the hall).  When we got back to the room, by unanimous vote, we declared her the winner of our mini pageant. Instead of the ceremonial walk, she sang “I have the strangest feeling that I’ve been here before…Something tells me I have come home…it tells me I belong.”  We gave her a huge round of applause not only for the beautiful rendition but also because she sums up the whole Madhuban experience of us all.  

Miss Nigeria, Dola Po waving to the crowd
* All photos courtesy of Agnes Roque

Of Cereals and Generosity

Photo from http://www.pinoygigs.com
I went for afternoon chai- my third for the day.  Just as there’s an atmosphere of unlimited peace in Madhuban, there’s unlimited chai.   I went late so I can be alone, eat in silence and also (hush tone) so I don’t have to share the cereals I brought from the Philippines. 

You see, though the university’s modern and fully equipped, it still rests on top of the mountain where there’s no huge groceries or department stores. There’s a small store inside the campus, and a village market nearby but I’m still in rural India.  There’s really no way for me to get my favorite boxed cereal so I scrimped on it and share little.       

The Test
As I was sipping my chai and munching my oh-so-precious cereal, an Indian lady sat opposite me.  Her badge shows me that she’s just visiting the campus for the day.  (Most of the students billeted in Gyansarovar are foreigners.)  I smiled to greet her but then I quickly bowed down and focused on my snack.  I didn’t want to talk or share, remember?  She spoke in Hindi, and pointed to what I am eating.  I looked up to acknowledge her but pretended not understand what she meant.  We ate in silence for a minute.  She must not like the popped rice she was given (meals & snacks are served in the university), that she again inquired where I got my snack. I dismissed her for the second time, moving my head to and fro while giving her a quizzical look as if I don’t know what she wanted.  She stopped asking but she never stopped staring at my food.

The Talking Conscience
I tried to ignore her but a voice inside says, “You’re practicing meditation so you can get in touch with your real self and your values.  Yet here you are refusing to be generous.”  I ranted like a brat, “But there’s nowhere I can get another box here!”  “True, but this is your chance to practice what you’ve been studying.”, the voice replied.  “I don’t want to give with a heavy heart”, I blurted back.  The voice was persistent, “Then don’t. Give willingly.  You see, there’s really no point studying about spirituality and meditation if you don’t live by it.”  I was stumped.
 
The little voice inside my head is right.  What’s the point of all the study and silence, if it doesn’t show in my dharna (practice).  The Indian lady in front of me is not the most charming of people. To be honest, I’m a little annoyed by her assertiveness.  She’s a stranger and I feel that I don’t have any obligation to her.  But I have a responsibility to be true to who I am.  I really am a generous spirit.  Holding on to my cereals disprove that.  I am a peaceful soul and my not liking her says otherwise.  I am loving and being apathetic to another kindred spirit shows that I am not.

After being jolted, I opened my bag, removed the cereal box and filled-up her small bowl.  She received it and ate away.  There was no thank you or even a smile.  It’s ok, I learned my lesson.  Thank you, Indian lady!    

Photo from http://inerg.blogspot.com




I’ve Conquered the Green-Eyed Monster

Photo from http://cauldronsandcupcakes.com

They say that Madhuban (how we fondly call the university for raja yoga students in Mount Abu, India) is like a hall of mirrors.  I cannot agree more.  I think that the atmosphere supports one’s deep desire for introspection.  Also, being away from everything else allows an individual to focus solely on the self.  The thing with a mirror is, it never lies.  It shows both the beauty and ugliness of the viewer. 

The Beast
Two years ago, when I came for my retreat, this attention-seeking and jealous behavior suddenly showed up.  I would envy the students whom the dadis (senior sisters) know really well.  I would feel a tinge of jealousy when they are called up front or mentioned in the classes and sometimes “poor little me” feelings popped up.

It’s like a coin-sized mark in the lower portion of a crisp white shirt which had gone unnoticed for the longest time.  I do not like it one bit and the only reasonable next step is to erase it.  Meditation allows me to do just that.  But like a hard stain, it doesn’t fade very easily.  So, I have to soak the shirt in beautiful thoughts, rinse it with pure wishes and make sure that I stay under the Source of all good things.

Slaying the Green-eyed Monster
This year my test came.  I was in Madhuban with a very friendly, humorous and cheerful buddy.  She was a stark opposite to my pensive and quiet nature.  While I preferred to eat alone, she would gather everyone together, engage them in chit-chats and direct group pictures.  Whilst I would ask questions and listen during conversations, she, on the other hand, would cracks jokes and entertain everyone with her funny antics.  While I enjoyed sitting down with my thoughts, she would run around helping everyone- guiding the new students around, cooking delicious non-Indian food (it’s really nice to eat something else every once in a while) and taking videos and pictures for others.  Almost everyone knew her and praises her to no-end.  

I was checking how I’m feeling amidst all these and I’m surprised that it didn’t bother me one bit.  I wasn’t looking for anyone’s approval or seeking praises.  I was perfectly fine with her taking the spotlight.  I finally understood that I am who I am and she is who she is.  

Everyone in the world has a different role to play and each of our parts is equally important.  We need go-getters as well as think tanks, relationship people as well as intuitive ones, organizers and those who implement.  No one’s role is any less than the other.  There’s really no need to get jealous.

“All the world’s a stage, All the men and women merely players."   -William Shakespeare
 Photo from http://www.thehindu.com