Dear 2018

Thank you!

This year I finally learned to love myself- strengths, flaws and all.

And so, it’s easy to share love to others.

photo from Special Achievers

I learned to stand up for myself and let go of people and things which do not help me move forward in my journey.

So, it’s easier to stand up for what I believe in.

This year, I said goodbye to fear.

I embraced trust and determination instead.

This is the year I took a step of courage

and a thousand fold of help came.

Thank you for the lessons on self-love, letting go, trust, determination and courage 2018.

I’m excited for what 2019 holds!

                                                                   Love,             
                                                        Karen

I am grateful

The young dragon fruit plants have weathered the storm. 

Because in the midst of the catastrophe, a sprout still grows

This is Papa's newly built packaging area which Typhoon Nona crushed to the ground.

Because no one was hurt despite the chaos (from where I come from- that is)

We've been fighting the quarrying in our barangay for a while.  The townsfolk were divided though because some of them profit from it.  The storm showed everyone its devastating effect.

Because what we’ve been fighting against, has unveiled it’s horns

What used to be a bed of rock now looks like a beach.  Without the rocks, the water from the river flooded into the houses and the streets.

Because a smile can still be found in the middle of the waste land

The Naglaon river is now twice its size because the big boulders which protect its banks have been removed.

Because life goes on even without pants

The donation we've received have been packed and are now on its way to the Mangyans.

And I am grateful for well-meaning people who are willing to lend a hand

For everyone who sent good wishes and who helped us help the Mangyans, maraming maraming maraming salamat po (thank you very much)! 

video from Release Your Wings

Goodbye Sister Poyee

photo by Ojie Vergara

"Do you want to have a chopsuey life?", she sternly asked me.

Sister Poyee, my 68 year old mentor can be brutally frank to a hilt.  Sugar coating is not in her vocabulary.  She doesn't swerve here and there when she needs to make a correction.  She goes straight to the point and serves it cold.

"I cannot tolerate mediocrity that's why I don't work with ordinary people.", she explained. 

"I can spot the ore and bring out the gold in people but they have to be willing to be trained."

Her training though is one which will make even the toughest ones cry.

One time, she made me go around the stretch of Tomas Morato Avenue selling some kind of contraption.

"The heart of any organization is sales.  If you cannot sell, you will have to close shop.", she told me after two long days of knocking on doors.

Knowing that I don't have the courage to sell the idea of a non-profit organization for persons with disability yet, she went with me to every single meeting and spoke to key people we need to bring to our side.  She met with parents, teachers, marketing executives, website developers and volunteers.  She was building a team while I merely looked on.

"Why are you so scared of knocking on doors?", she would ask.

"If your intention is pure and if you believe in your cause then you will definitely get a yes- even from a stranger.  And so what if you get a no, just knock on another door.", she would constantly remind me.

For a year, while we were doing the groundwork for the organization, we had a ritual.  Every Monday morning after meditation class, we would have coffee and she'll share her stories of old.  Then, she would ask me the questions I deem too huge for me like, "Don't you want to help humanity?" or questions I try to evade such as "Ask your heart, what is it that you truly want?". 

Then, when my distractibility gets in the way of that one thing I want, she would nudge me back albeit quite sternly.

Recently, I understood why she had to use tough love on me.  She only had few Mondays to spare.  Last week, she departed suddenly that I didn't get to say goodbye.

Our last conversation though was the ending I have always envisioned.  "Congratulations, you and the Special Achievers team made it happen.", she happily greeted me. (She was on leave from the organization for a year so she can take care of her health.) 

"You jumpstarted the whole thing!  The credit goes to you.", I quickly replied.

This is the part I failed to tell her though, "Thank you Sister Poyee for spotting the ore in me and helping me bring out the gold.  The process was not easy but it was well worth it.  I will forever be grateful." 

  

For Teacher Sheila

from http://radiantsunleapingheart.wordpress.com

Before you go
Please leave instructions on how to be a bad cop
I've been a good cop for so long
I've forgotten how to be the tough one
I'm not sure if the kids in our class will respond to my stare


How many times did we say good bye?
Let me count the ways
I guess, we've just been so used to having you around
And pleasantly happy at that
We want you to know that you'll surely be missed


Do you know why it's so easy to organize your parties?
Let me tell you in on a secret
So many people love you
I merely need to say it's your thing
And they come running



Well, you've always been there for friends
You'll attend the most boring party
Finish a late meeting so you can give someone a ride
Fly off somewhere to simply offer company
And, even organize a funeral! (not mine, just so we're clear)  


Why am I writing about you, you may ask?
Because, I'm really really grateful
To have you as a mentor and then a friend
And since you're boarding the plane tomorrow
You won't have time to rant about this


Well, I didn't say
That you once told us, "You weren't loved"
110% that is, but you were loved completely and fully
And I didn't tell anyone
who we made fun of during your despedida



Ok, I think I should stop now
See you soon!

Dearest Papa

I seriously doubt you'll read this

You never go online 

Still, I want to tell the world 

How awesome you are

So here goes...

Thank you for teaching me 

How to find joy in the simplest of things.  

I bought you a toothbrush once

Couldn't forget how you showed it off to mama

As though you received a gold watch  

And, you've always believed in my ideas

No matter how crazy it may seem

When I told you about yogic agriculture

In an instant you said, "I'll have a nipa hut built for you"

"So, you can meditate in the middle of the farm"

When I was into organic stuff

You drove for me until we reached the mountain

Where the natives live and process their produce

The whole family thought it's something I'll start but never finish

But,  you simply allowed me to go through this phase

And you support me, inspite of my absurdities 

When I told you that I want to be a monk

You didn't say anything

Instead, you gave me a land title

And said I can get my share

I've never heard "it can't be done" from you

You always let me dream

And you will accompany me even to the ends of the earth to pursue it

You always tell me that I'm great

Even when I can't see it

Whenever, I go home you'll always be at the pier to pick me up

And when I'm down and out, you say "It'll pass"

I must have done something right to deserve a dad as wonderful as you

I will forever thank God for putting you in my life

To my number one fan, Happy Father's Day! 

Thank You Little Sister

Picture from http://www.taramcglinchey.com

"Why are you heavy?", asked my business mentor as we end our usual Monday meeting.  "Huh?" , I cluelessly answered.  "You have to check yourself.", she retorted.

The Inner Scrutiny
I immediately went through my usual to do list: go to meditation class daily (check), enjoy work (check) and propel my other projects forward (check).  Since things appeared to be going smoothly, how can there be any blockages? Otherwise, it should hamper my world. Still, I persisted on investigating the matter closely.  I spent extra time in the early morning and before bedtime in silence to check the state of my heart.  To my surprise, I found out that I am indeed carrying a baggage as heavy as a block of cement.  I've been busy being responsible at home, keeping a happy disposition at work and being courageous with my new endeavors that I didn't realized that I'm not really ok.

Wearing many hats and thinking too much made me forget what I feel. I didn't realized that I am angry. Well, not at myself.  As I mentioned earlier, my egotistical self thinks I'm superduper fine.  I was angry at  the other person in my life who by my standards is not making her life move.  I am mad at her for not stepping up to her full potential.  In my head, I'd like to jolt her out of her inertia and I was constantly screaming "Get out of it!".

I metamorphosed into an I-am-better-than-you zombie (see I was a zombie), judging her for not being like me, telling her what to do like a nagging mother (i thought that would help), and berating her for not doing her duties (cause I think that an effective house manager/older sister follows up and gives the necessary reinforcement).

The Talk
A talk with my spiritual teacher helped me look at the situation more clearly.  He said, "You were mad at her because you see her as your sister who's not facing her responsibilities but you failed to see that she is a struggling soul.  She is weak at this point and your expectations and judgment just pushes her down even more."

I was ashamed for behaving so badly.  I never thought I am still influenced by anger until this moment.  My negative take of the situation made it worse than what it really is.

I had a long honest talk with myself.  "This is not your true nature.  You are as accepting and accommodating as an ocean.  You are a loving soul.  You have a big heart which can embrace the whole world.  Go back to who you really are."

The Gift
I had to go through a process of facing myself squarely, forgiving myself, and going back to my truth before I regained my light heart back.

It was not a walk in the park, it took me weeks to clear the blocks.  I realized that any negative emotion- fear, anger, worry, regret, or hurt impedes my inner eye from seeing people and circumstances for what they truly are.  It is only when I remove these blinders that I can let love back in and then be able to give it out.

Thank you, little sister for helping me learn this lesson.