The bullies love me!!!

I’m so sorry for bringing this up- again. I tend to perseverate on certain things until I get it.

Of late, I realized that my bullies (a.k.a.) my siblings love me.

Oh my gosh!  This is a eureka moment.  

I remembered a conversation with a guy friend, a long time ago.

“Don't you get it? He was always teasing her because she wants to get her attention. He likes her!”, he patiently told naive old me.

Now, that I think of it.  This is not the only time I heard this premise.  

And if this is true, this means that my bullies are really my besties!   

So, when my youngest sister warned me, “Ate, be careful you might wake up with a bacon in your mouth” (I’m vegan, by the way.)

image from knowyourmeme

What she’s really saying is, “You’re the best sister ever but let me annoy you so you get the point.”

When my brother told me to go out and eat grass when I’m having dinner with the family (and not eating because I forgot my food), what he really wanted to say was, “I love you sis but let me pretend that I don’t care about you.”

The only thing that still nags me though (given it’s true that the teasing is really their love language) is that I feel hurt whenever they make fun of me lately. It didn’t bother me before. 

I didn’t really mind that I have 5 (younger) siblings who are trying to outsmart and outwit each other in coming up with a vegan or a monk joke.  And, that all of them would laugh out really really (twice for emphasis) loud and in unison when they clinch the punch line.  

Recently though, I wish that they would just vanish in thin air! (I know, it’s not very om.)

image from istockphoto

After some soul searching, I discovered that my fake bullies remind me of the real bullies in my life.  You know, the ones who put you down simply because you came up with a better idea or the ones who can’t accept that you’re bigger than the box they put you in.

To be honest, it’s not even the bullies fault.

I realized that I was hurt because my ego was hurt.  

Simply put, I think ego is the mask you put when you face the world.  Most of the time, we put on the best mask but then the negative comments and vibe we get from others, scratches that mask.  The labels and names they call us stick on the surface of our masks like smudge.

image from favim.com

For me, it hurts because behind my strong and confident facade, there are still traces of self-doubt and fear (fainter now but there are still some residues).  I hear my own negative self talk in the derogatory remarks and negative vibe of my bullies.

Lately, I’ve been talking to myself more and spending longer time in silence.

What I discovered, when I dived in my sacred space is that I have this huge heart which is so big it can embrace the world.  My strength also comes from the purity of this heart which only wants to give, understand and accept. 

I revisited who I am- without the mask.  

As I do that more and more, the hurt I’ve accepted from others ebbs away until all the blotches on my mask have been erased.

Moreover, I began to identify more with the loving and powerful soul behind the mask. 

Now, that I  know who I am and I love who I am, the bullies cannot touch me.

P.S.  Need help or inspiration?  This FREE event at Greenbelt 1, July 26, Thursday 6:30-8:30pm might help you. Register online here.