Monday, April 29, 2013

I’ve Conquered the Green-Eyed Monster

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They say that Madhuban (how we fondly call the university for raja yoga students in Mount Abu, India) is like a hall of mirrors.  I cannot agree more.  I think that the atmosphere supports one’s deep desire for introspection.  Also, being away from everything else allows an individual to focus solely on the self.  The thing with a mirror is, it never lies.  It shows both the beauty and ugliness of the viewer. 

The Beast
Two years ago, when I came for my retreat, this attention-seeking and jealous behavior suddenly showed up.  I would envy the students whom the dadis (senior sisters) know really well.  I would feel a tinge of jealousy when they are called up front or mentioned in the classes and sometimes “poor little me” feelings popped up.

It’s like a coin-sized mark in the lower portion of a crisp white shirt which had gone unnoticed for the longest time.  I do not like it one bit and the only reasonable next step is to erase it.  Meditation allows me to do just that.  But like a hard stain, it doesn’t fade very easily.  So, I have to soak the shirt in beautiful thoughts, rinse it with pure wishes and make sure that I stay under the Source of all good things.

Slaying the Green-eyed Monster
This year my test came.  I was in Madhuban with a very friendly, humorous and cheerful buddy.  She was a stark opposite to my pensive and quiet nature.  While I preferred to eat alone, she would gather everyone together, engage them in chit-chats and direct group pictures.  Whilst I would ask questions and listen during conversations, she, on the other hand, would cracks jokes and entertain everyone with her funny antics.  While I enjoyed sitting down with my thoughts, she would run around helping everyone- guiding the new students around, cooking delicious non-Indian food (it’s really nice to eat something else every once in a while) and taking videos and pictures for others.  Almost everyone knew her and praises her to no-end.  

I was checking how I’m feeling amidst all these and I’m surprised that it didn’t bother me one bit.  I wasn’t looking for anyone’s approval or seeking praises.  I was perfectly fine with her taking the spotlight.  I finally understood that I am who I am and she is who she is.  

Everyone in the world has a different role to play and each of our parts is equally important.  We need go-getters as well as think tanks, relationship people as well as intuitive ones, organizers and those who implement.  No one’s role is any less than the other.  There’s really no need to get jealous.

“All the world’s a stage, All the men and women merely players."   -William Shakespeare
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