My Beloved

I asked a manly man of 40 years, “Do you know God?”

Instantly, his eyes sparkled and a childish smile 
appeared on his aged face

He did not reply to my query but his face betrayed him

In that moment, he was like a bride reminded of the bridegroom

I knew then, that he knew Him

I knew then, that he had experienced His love

I was jealous

Though I felt I’ve met Him in my solitude

I do not have the same twinkle in my eyes

My heart doesn’t leap nor bounce for joy

I asked then, How much do I know Him?

I asked, How eager am I to know Him more?

At dawn, I awaken with the thought

I want you to be my Beloved and I your Bride

I sat patiently, waiting for an overwhelming feeling

A surge of love from my groom

I wanted to be swept off my feet

I wanted the romance and the fireworks

It did not come

I reminded myself again, “Today, you are my Beloved”

A reply came, “I have loved you ever since”

But the exhilaration I was expecting was not there

Instead, all my questions disappeared

In its place was a certain knowing that I am loved

Days passed

I was still waiting for the grand gesture

None came

Instead, I felt a constancy that He is there 
and He will never leave me

I was  waiting for the fireworks

Nothing of that sort occurred

In its place was deep stillness and security

More days had gone by

I had forgotten my expectations and demands

I sat and whispered, “Can you be my Beloved?”

Then, it happened

A song played, ”Let me love you

I will be here until you learn to love yourself”

Then, I felt it

Like a huge wave washing over me

A deep, overwhelming feeling of being loved

I felt He’s been there all along

I just couldn’t understand Him

Because I did not love myself enough to be loved

Then, I knew

I have to let the love in

First by holding myself in such a high esteem

Give it all the fireworks and grand gestures

Play the violin and shower the rose petals

Then, I can let God in my heart

Photo from http://brahmaribhagwan.blogspot.com