Monday, April 29, 2013

My Beloved

I asked a manly man of 40 years, “Do you know God?”
Instantly, his eyes sparkled and a childish smile 
appeared on his aged face
He did not reply to my query but his face betrayed him
In that moment, he was like a bride reminded of the bridegroom
I knew then, that he knew Him
I knew then, that he had experienced His love

I was jealous
Though I felt I’ve met Him in my solitude
I do not have the same twinkle in my eyes
My heart doesn’t leap nor bounce for joy
I asked then, How much do I know Him?
I asked, How eager am I to know Him more?

At dawn, I awaken with the thought
I want you to be my Beloved and I your Bride
I sat patiently, waiting for an overwhelming feeling
A surge of love from my groom
I wanted to be swept off my feet
I wanted the romance and the fireworks

It did not come
I reminded myself again, “Today, you are my Beloved”
A reply came, “I have loved you ever since”
But the exhilaration I was expecting was not there
Instead, all my questions disappeared
In its place was a certain knowing that I am loved

Days passed
I was still waiting for the grand gesture
None came
Instead, I felt a constancy that He is there 
and He will never leave me
I was  waiting for the fireworks
Nothing of that sort occurred
In its place was deep stillness and security

More days had gone by
I had forgotten my expectations and demands
I sat and whispered, “Can you be my Beloved?”
Then, it happened
A song played, ”Let me love you
I will be here until you learn to love yourself”

Then, I felt it
Like a huge wave washing over me
A deep, overwhelming feeling of being loved
I felt He’s been there all along
I just couldn’t understand Him
Because I did not love myself enough to be loved

Then, I knew
I have to let the love in
First by holding myself in such a high esteem
Give it all the fireworks and grand gestures
Play the violin and shower the rose petals
Then, I can let God in my heart

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