Monday, September 23, 2013

I want to be a monk

A recent weekend retreat made me revisit this long-lost, forgotten dream.

Four years ago, on my first trip to the raja yoga's headquarters in India, despite all odds, I squeezed in an appointment with the administrative head to tell her that I want to surrender.  In my head, this meant that when I get back home I will quit my job, leave my family, stay in the meditation center and teach yoga. Like a giddy first-timer, I awaited a favorable response.  However, Dadi Janki, the 93 year old spiritual leader looked at me sternly and said, "Only when you are light and accurate".

At the moment, if I resubmit my application, I think I will still be turned down.  Yes, I am light but I'm not yet accurate.  I've been wondering,  "Why not simply rest on my easy nature?".  After brooding on this, I realize that if I allow myself to be so carefree, I may just fall off the cliff as a result of my carelessness.  Accuracy is the string which allows the kite of lightness to fly.  Without the right discipline, the kite will fall to the ground or go wayward in the vast horizon.  I now understand that a strength ceases to be a strength when it reaches its extreme.  Like a highly organized person without concern or sensitivity for others may turn out to be arrogant and controlling.  A sweet charismatic person without the ability to discern may end up being dependent on people or condoning even of wrong behavior.  Therefore, the right dose of complimentary virtues is required to bring about the best version of me as a strength needs to be balanced by another virtue for it to fully realize its power.  I do need to be light and accurate.

The Plan
Being a monk (that's how I prefer to call the volunteer raja yoga teachers who stay in the meditation centers) is still at the top of my bucket list.  If I ace being accurate, I think I will get it.  Now, as I finish the things I have to finish as I journey towards my goal, I will do this one thing- be on time (for every appointment, meeting, or class) !

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