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Yes, I just reaffirmed myself. To be honest, I wrote it with a slightly heavy heart. I really wanted to perfect it this time. But I didn't. At crunch time, fear had gotten hold of me. I couldn't exactly recall what happened. I just knew that the moment I felt that the prize is so near, I cowered. I got scared of succeeding and so I was paralyzed into inaction.
A life coach many years back said that I tend to sabotage myself when succcess looms in the corner. Like a mission impossible message, I had this propensity to self-destruct when the goal's almost accomplished. I couldn't pinpoint why I do this. I just knew that I succumb to fear when I'm about to throw the winning shot.
They say fear is like having a mouse inside your heart. Your heart just goes tug-tug and you end up pacing back and forth with sweaty palms, perplexed about what to do. Fear is that little voice inside your head saying, "You can't do it!". It skillfully narrates all the things that could go wrong and explains in detail why you are not enough or not worthy. Fear puts a humongous wall between you and your dream. It holds one captive inside his own comfort zone.
True, I don't know what's out there. How I wish I can just disappear into oblivion to escape the huge task in front of me. But, I don't want to forever guess what could have been and I want to see how far I can go. So, I am determined to just do this- no matter what!
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