You are greater than you think!

This thought came to mind one sunny day along the beach of Boracay.  We just finished a dragon boat race and we're just sitting by the sand waiting for the announcement of winners. 

A friend sat beside me and said, "Do you know that this first International Dragon Boat Festival in Boracay happened because of you?".  

I looked at her quizzically before I exclaimed, "What?!  All I did was row today."  

She explained, "Remembered you called Jenny at 5 am in the morning to remind her of the training in Manila Bay.  She was hooked after day one and recruited me.  Then, I called my boyfriend in Boracay to try it out there.  He immediately formed a team. They enjoyed it so much and decided to organize an international regatta."

The Butterfly Effect

Imagine what one simple call has done.  This just proves to me that my actions create ripples.  A small deed can spur a great thing or a disastrous event (which most of the time I am not aware of).  The only determinant if it is a good or bad contribution to the world is my intention.      

Looking back, all I did was simply share what I love doing (at that time).  The intention was pure and clean and so the series of events after that turned out to be good not only for me but for my team and for rowers in different parts of the globe (I heard they still hold international races yearly.).

The learning for me here is to mind what I think and to consciously be aware of my agenda knowing that it not only affects me but others as well.

Conscious Living

Now, I understand what my friend Agnes Prieto wrote in If you don't mind, it doesn't matter:  

"If we mind our thoughts 

we live a life that matters."  

"However, most of us go through life unconscious—in a trance induced by media, other voices (from our upbringing, our present friends etc.) and circumstances.  Our minds operate on default. When we wake up in the morning, we don’t have to put on a mind, it’s there, running noiselessly giving us optimal service."

I agree with her that we have conveniently forgotten to rule our minds.  We let it run amuck like a wild horse.  Without a rider, it wantonly goes here and there making living a routine- pointless and meaningless.

If we simply turn off the auto-pilot, hold the reins of our mind,  and choose to think of quality thoughts (positive, good, beneficial) then we "operate from a position of power and live a life that matters"

Musings of a Happily Stranded Soul

We just finished a weekend retreat.  Everybody immediately headed back to the city.  I said, "I don't want to go home yet." Of around a hundred meditation students, I was the only one who decided to stay back for one more day at the retreat center with the residents.  As drama would have it, I couldn't go down the next day as it was raining cats and dogs.  And, it refused to stop for one whole week.  I ended up being stranded approximately 2,000 feet above sea level while the metropolis was wallowing in floodwater for several days.

I thought, "I must have done something right that I was able to inadvertently escape the damp city and be happily secluded in a fortress (I just feel so safe and secure in the center)".  After this lightbulb moment, I beamed like a child who was handed an unanticipated present and exclaimed, "Oh, what good karma I have!"

Karma is often used synonymously as punishment.  I heard a news anchor chastise an alleged crook on television saying, "Be scared of karma".  Common people use it whenever they feel deceived, insulted, or unfairly treated, and often, they would curse their perceived perpetrators with, "Karma will get you!"

Contrary to popular belief, the word karma is actually neutral.  It is a Sanskrit word which simply means action.  In physics, there is law which states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction (The Law of Cause and Effect).  Interestingly, the laws of the universe follow certain laws of physics.  So, if one does good action or karma, he will accordingly get a good payback.  On the other hand, if one does bad action or karma, he will get a just punishment whether others wish for it or not.  

Simple isn't it?  Good begets good.  Bad begets bad.  This is one of the internal system by which our world operates.  The image for me is that of an automatic accounting program.  Each person in the world gets points based on the quality of his action.  He get credits or debits because whatever he does may have positive or negative effects on other people and even nature.  This automatic accounting has been occurring since the time we played our part in this world drama- that maybe for just one lifetime for some or many births for others.  

The thing is, the auditing happens at unexpected times.  Sometimes, not even in this lifetime but each one of us definitely has to face the consequences of our actions.  

Karma makes life fair.  Each one gets what is due him or her at one time or another.  What is unfair is when we blame God for our personal demise or for the flood, tsunami, earthquake, or any natural disaster.  Insurance companies call these things "act of God" and  people think these are punishments from the heavens.  But, how can God, the purest energy in this universe, the perfect parent, bring harm to His beloved children?

Truth is, everything that comes to us, both beautiful and ugly, we brought it upon ourselves.  When a challenge befalls us, our debts are being collected.  When we stumble upon good fortune, we are claiming our rewards.  That is the law of karma.  Each one of us reaps whatever we sow.

      

I Love Me!

I've been trying to understand why I have to change.  It's so difficult!  Sometimes, (like right now) I'd rather revert to my old ways.  It's so much easier that way.


At the moment, I can very well sympathize with how Arjuna of the Bhagavad Gita feels before the great war begins.  His words express my sentiments,  "My limbs sink, my mouth is parched, my body trembles, the hair bristles on my flesh. The Magic bow slips from my hand, my skin burns, I cannot stand still, my mind reels."


I rather not fight this inner battle.  Why can I not just let things be?  Why get out of my comfort zone?  Why struggle?


I really need to understand!


I've been doing some soul searching these past few days.  Deep inside, I know I need to find my why so I can move forward (and it has to be a very strong why).


Before the day ends, I have discovered my why in 3 words,            I LOVE ME!.  "Seek and you shall find" proves to be true after all.


I deserve the best!  I so love me!

I got a note from my  life coach (i'm a self-development junkie, in case you haven't figured it out) at the end of a leadership course, it reads: I DESERVE THE BEST!  I wept buckets when I read it.  It hits my heart like an arrow because I have short changed myself so many times.  I often tell myself, "Ok na yan!" or "This is enough." or "Let's just stay where it's comfortable.".  I have settled for crumbs and the sidelines for so long that's why my heart aches.  The note just echoes what my heart has been screaming for, "I deserve the best!"  So, from now on, no more settling.  I shall not rest until I become the best me.  That means, all the bad stuff must go.


It's time to level up!  "Self, let's get better!"

They say life teaches lessons.  Funny thing is, tests come and  will keep coming until I get the lesson.  So, the challenges are really exams for me so I can get the point.  It can really be tiring and boring to get the same test over and over (even if it's masks in various scenarios).  So, I say, "Self, let's finish this one so we can move up a notch!  We don't want to get stuck, do we?".


It's just a small thing. No biggie!

I've been listening to Bro. Jagdish's classes.  He says even if you are facing a mountain, imagine that it's just made of cotton and you can easily pass through.  "You have the power to make anything smaller", he emphasized.  "Our Teacher tells us to consider obstacles to be a paper tiger so there's really no need to be afraid."  Finally, he stressed out it is written in last stanza of the Gita that  Arjuna will definitely be victorious because God is on his side.  In the same way, if I just keep God's company, everything will be a breeze.

I love me!  I love me!  I love me!  I love myself so much that I will bravely face and conquer my biggest enemies- my fears and my weaknesses.  Game on! 

Who's Your Nemesis?

Mine is carelessness and laziness.

I figured out that I love comfort and so I sometimes I put it first even before the deadliest deadline.  Then, I would cram like crazy when "the hour" comes.

Conquering of the Enemy

I know I should change it.  It's my kryptonite (i'm coming from the perspective that I'm a hero as explained in the previous post).  I understand that I lose my power when I succumb to it.

But it's so deceiving like the Hydra, that monster of Greek mythology whose head multiplies when slashed.  I would conquer the dreaded beast in a week- like wake up as soon as my alarm rings, submit all my papers on time, and come to work before time (not 5 minutes after) and then it would come up again the next day.  It can be frustrating.  

But I guess, the main weakness of any human being operates like that.  It keeps on coming back because the habit has been instilled for years, for several lifetimes even.  And so the roots run deep.  

So I thought,  "Let me check out what Hercules did to kill the opponent."  Legend claimed that he asked for help!  He made Iolaus burn the severed head with a flaming torch then he crushed and tore the main head (which remains unharmed if attacked with a weapon) before burying it deep in the ground.  

So, i'll try to do the same.  First, I will ask help from The Source.  Then,  I will burn my antagonist (carelessness and laziness) in the fire of yoga (meditation) before throwing it into the abyss.   

The 5 Thieves

How about you?  Have you figured out who your adversary is?

We often  externalize things.  We have been brainwashed into thinking that the enemy lurks outside.  Truth is, it in inside of us.

I learned in raja yoga meditation that our enemies are the vices.  It  may be in any of the 5 categories:        

1. Anger says "I am right.  You are wrong!".  So it feels offended, insults, blames, criticizes, and judges.  Relative of anger includes: dislike, irritation, revenge, resentment, bitterness, animosity, and distrust among others.      

 
2. Lust says "You exist to please me!"  And it says this line to things and people alike.  Lust is a slave to the 5 senses and it lives life "drinking, eating, and being merry", often at the expense of others because it thinks only of the satisfaction of the physical self  (which can never ever be satisfied and just keeps on wanting).

3. Greed says "I want more and more and more!"  It is always hungry because it is empty inside.  It thinks that collecting more trophies in the form of gadgets, money, luxurious items, other possessions, and even relationships to fill in the inner vacuum.  

4. Attachment says "You belong to me and to me alone!"  It sticks to its prey like a leech and never lets go.  It's is afraid of being not needed, letting the other be on his own, and of standing on his own two feet.           

5. Ego says "I am better than you or I am not enough".  It swings from superiority to inferiority because at it's core lies a deep insecurity.  Ego holds on to the false self.  It associates itself too much to what can be seen, tasted, heard, and touched so it always looks for comfort, praise, reassurance, even pity, consolation, and help.

My Struggle

I think that careless and laziness is a subtle form of ego because it feeds on comfort.  It is very selfish because it does not consider consequences of its action on the self and others.  It is like a spoiled brat whining, "I want this! I want that" without ever discerning if it's good or bad.   

Knowing who my nemesis is, is the first step to winning the inner battle and letting the hero within shine.  It took me careful scrutiny and reflection to pinpoint it accurately.

I hope that you also find the time to check yourself and then take steps of courage to change.

Why Do We Like Heroes?

Picture credit

We love watching them or reading about them.  We are fascinated with The Avengers, Superman, Batman, Spiderman.  Most of these heroes are human like us- they just have extra abilities.    

I figured, we like them because there is a part of us that resonates with them. 

Heroes are good.  
If we really look deep inside, whether we accept it or not, our core is good.  The folly lies in believing that we are just humans.  We forgot that we are also beings (human beings).  And this is where our extra factor lies, much like the added capabilities of the heroes.  If we examine this being, this spirit, this psyche, this soul- we will find out that our original blueprint is made of the beautiful qualities of peace, power, purity, love, bliss, mercy, and knowledge.  If we talk, walk, and move holding a particular quality in our awareness, then our actions and interactions will be of a higher notch, hero-caliber even.

Heroes fight.  
They fully understand that they will have to battle with different obstacles and villains.  In the same way, at this time in the world’s cycle, no one can be exempt from defeat, sorrow, and difficulties.  These things will come our way and we have to confront these using our power of peace, purity, love, bliss, mercy, knowledge and all our other virtues.  

Heroes fly, or smash or jump.  These are the very tactics we ought to use when facing our problems-  fly above it,  smash it into pieces,  jump towards it and slash it from behind.  Heroes do not hide in a nook and cry when the war is upon them.  They muster all the courage and strength they have and take on the enemies.

            

We love heroes because they remind us of our true nature.  The hero spirit is in each one of us.  We just have to nudge it to come forward.

For My Mothers

I have many mothers- mama, my physical mother; Mama, the mother of the spiritual university I go to and God, my eternal Mother. 

Today, we celebrate Mama's day at the meditation center.  So, I'd like to express my gratitude to all 3.

Mama,

        I didn't quite understand why you were always pushing me to excel.  You would make me squat with a book on each hand until I finish reciting 1-100 when I stubbornly told you I hate Math, go to my school editor to ask her to give me an assignment when you didn't see any article with my by-line on our paper, and prod me to run for student government when I could barely talk in front of a crowd.  

        Now, I do.  You simply believe in me so much.  Now, I understand that that was your way of showing your love.  I appreciate it.  If it were not for your tough love, I wouldn't have come out of my shell.  I would still be the shy girl at the back of the class brimming with so many thoughts and ideas but will not dare raise her hand.  And you know how to encourage me as well- play times, beach trips, home-cooked meals, and no household chores for great jobs done.  

         I never told you of that incident when a cousin from the city visited us in the province.  We still lived in the nipa hut (a native house made of coconut leaves and bamboo) at that time.  He arrogantly asked me, "So, this is your life?!".  I confidently answered him.  "Yes!  Isn't it grand?  Mama cooks delicious meals for us all the time.  We can just get fruits from the backyard and we can play as much as we want! (as long as all assignments are done, that is)"  

         I feel rich in spite of the simple life we have because you make me feel very much loved and cared for.  Thank you!  I love you, Mother!

Mama,

         I have never met you but I feel so close to you.  I will never forget this line from you,  "Follow God's directions with the force of 20 nails!".  Your words are powerful  because you walk your talk.  I wish that   how I live my life become my message as well.  I also want to be as accurate and as determined as you.  I like how you define determination, "whatever I think about, I make sure it happens at any cost".  And you don't just think about anything.  They say you were never ordinary.  Dadi Janki attested, "She was very introverted, she acted in the external world  just as an instrument and usually was in a state of inner intoxication.  Her face reflected happiness and intoxication ".  Thank you for leading by example.  Thank you  for the gift of your transformation.  I love you, Mama.  

Mama,

        I've always thought of you as a Father since I was young.  I'm glad I have learned that you can be my Mother, as well.  What a gentle and nurturing Mother you are!  You guided me very lovingly towards the spiritual path.  You never scold me when I make a mistake, but you gently lift me back up.  You also let me hide in your embrace when this world seems too much for me.  You also know when not to cradle me, and just watch me learn my lessons.  But even if you keep your distance, I just know that You will always be there for me.  Thank you!  I love You!

                                  http://www.youtube.com/user/EasyMeditation

Ode to my 2 Dads

Picture credits 

For my lokik (physical) and alokik (spiritual) fathers.

Thank you for calling me great even though I don't believe it (sometimes).
Papa, I would never forget what you told me when I was 12 years old.  I came home from a press conference without any medal when everyone else in our delegation collected a handful each.  And you assured me saying, "You're great Karen, you were probably just nervous during the competition".  Everytime I come to you complaining that I lost, I didn't get the grade, or my plan didn't work out, you always reminded me of how great I am (not just simply good) and you believed it with all your heart.

Baba, every single day, you uplift me.  You call me sweet child, beloved, master, princess, lucky star, jewel, flower, and all sorts of beautiful names that sometimes I still don't accept.

I heard, superman's father did the same.  He recorded and then continuously played his affirmations of him in his earth-bound rocket capsule.

I really really really appreciate our trips to the ocean.
Papa, I had fond memories of  playing in the ocean with my siblings.  It was my first experience of the unlimited.  We would keep on fetching buckets and buckets of water but it never got depleted.  Thank you for bringing us there whenever we ask for it (and even when we don't).

Baba, I never thought that there is an Ocean of Love or an Ocean of Peace.  I didn't know it is possible to go to the depths of it.

Thank you for the gifts of silence and stillness.

Thank you for loving me without strings.     
Papa and Baba, I always feel that you both love me period.  No ifs. No buts.  Just 100% pure, all-natural, unsaturated L-O-V-E.

Words can never truly express how happy and blessed I feel for having both of you in my life.  Still, here goes,  "I love you, Papa!!!  I love you, Baba!!!"


             

Just Be!

This is the favorite line of my friend, TJ.  When I was shaking and panicking before an impromptu song number (a  requirement for a course), in his sweet and carefree tone, he prodded me saying, "Just be, Karen. Just be!".  When I was cramming to reach my goal during our intensive leadership program, he repeated this line again.  And again, when we partnered in a difficult project.  It seemed like this was his answer for everything, "Just be!".


What a simple yet powerful fix!  What he means is to tap into my inner resources.  Just be happy!  Just be free! Just be honest!  Just be me.  There's no need to put on a mask or a show.  No more pretenses.  I only need to bring out my strengths and my core qualities. 

 
Sometimes, what is exhausting is the extreme focus on the task or even the end result.  Often,  it is nerve wracking, hairsplitting, or simply stressful.  I realize that when I focus on the virtue or the inner power that a situation allows me to practice then there is value.


I remembered, what Sister Tims shared with me when we ran programs to celebrate the International Year of Youth .  She related,  "Sure, the events were successful but what's really important was your process.  How was your stage (how did you hold yourself) during and right after this?".


The end never justifies the means.  It's always about what I am becoming. 

Let Me Tell You Why this Blog is Narcissistic

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"In the face of eternity, a lot of things don't really matter".

This is what struck me in a weekend retreat with Anthony Strano , the director of the meditation centers in Greece and Hungary.

So, one fine day, while waiting for my sister to finish her college interview, I sat cross-legged on a bench outside and  I asked, "What is eternity?".

I held this single thought for nearly an hour until I dipped my finger on it.  In a second, eternity stood before me in the midst of the bustling day scene of people moving to and fro.  It laid placid and unlimited.  Whilst everyone rushed, it stayed in complete standstill- unstirring, unperturbed.

In that moment, I felt that nothing really matters in this absolute vastness and stillness except for 2 simple truths- I, the soul and my Father, the Supreme Soul.

At least for me, only these 2 truths are real- it can never ever be destroyed.  These are the only things worth my time and attention.  Everything else will come and go.

Maganda ka pa sa Umaga

In English it reads, you are more beautiful than the morning.


That's how a friend greeted me one day, and I just smiled back.  I found it absurd.  "How can it be?",  I asked myself.  


Yesterday, the answer came to me as I was meditating in the garden.  Without bragging and with all honesty,  I experienced that I was more beautiful than the manicured lawn stretched out in front of me (and even the  bright morning!).


I was appreciating the greenery before I went inwards (introspection is a key in meditation).  I was so deep in my contemplation that the garden disappeared and I could only see the real me- a being of peace.


In raja yoga, I learned that I have 2 I's: the obvious I and the real I. The obvious I relates to the human part: roles, culture, position, occupation, name, age, leisure and everything that's connected to the physical.  All of these things are subject to change.  The real I which refers to the soul, spirit, higher self, psyche, or being, on the other hand, always is.  It is this part of me that I constantly want to nurture and enhance through going into silence, living by my highest truth and expressing my best virtues.


My wish is that you be able touch base with your real "I" so you can fathom how exquisite you are too.

White Lady

Painting by Marina Petro 

I was eating dinner by my lone self in a huge hall (imagine a portion of Hogwarts dining hall, uhmm...more or less a quarter of it).  I only switched on the bulb directly above me and kept the corridor lights dim.

Adjacent the area is the foyer enclosed by a glass window which allowed me to view the garden outside.  I caught a glimpse of someone in white moving in the garden.  "That's weird", I thought.  I knew that everybody's meditating upstairs.  I squirmed on my seat to directly face the window 5 feet away.  The lady in white stared at me.  I quickly shifted my position and turned away.  In my peripheral view, I saw the lady move as well.  I faced the window again.  She did the same.  At this point, I was amazed that I'm not shrieking my lungs out.  (Has meditating made me this calm?)  Slowly, I moved closer and looked intently to gaze at my own face reflected on the glass window.

I realized that in life, the scariest thing of all is facing my own shadow.  Before, I would do all sorts of things to escape it- play, party, work, sleep, watch tv, work some more.  When I'm alone, the thoughts of what happened, what could have been, what if, and what will happen just kept on coming.  I would drown the voice in my head with incessant busyness or sleep to escape.

It's easier to just move away from it.  Or so I thought.

The issues just kept on piling up and and sooner or later it hounded me.  End result, my life got stuck then it spiralled down.  I felt lost and empty.  When I hit rock bottom, I turned to spirituality.

There, I learned how to face my own demons, hold it by its horns, and purl it around before throwing it into oblivion.  End result:  a significant decrease of baggage thus I now tread through life lightly and happily as I focus on what really matters.  

This too shall pass

I can emphatically deliver this line while looking out to nowhere (for more dramatic effect) or I can excitedly exclaim, "What's my present?!".

My meditation teacher says, "After the storm there's a gift".  Experience tells me that it's true.  So, everytime I am facing a challenge, I am more cheerful than gloomy.  "Why do I feel that you are happy that you are going through this?", asked a friend after I shared to her.

Why not?  I often come out stronger and better after an upheaval.  For me, it's always been a gift.

Just like the gloomy sky. The dark clouds will cover the sun and the clear bright sky but it will soon pass, leaving the horizon more radiant than ever before.

I always look forward to the brighter sky and am not just waiting for the dark clouds to disappear.  

I watched the rain today

I was in the garden of the retreat center when the foreboding signal of rain came- cold breeze and gloomy sky.  I was crossed between going back inside or staying on the sofa outside to watch the impending downpour.  I chose the latter.  While waiting, I realized that I haven't watched the rain for the longest time (probably around a decade).  Just as soon as the thought came, as if on cue, the rain  gently fell to the ground for a good 20 seconds.  Nothing spectacular happened.  The raindrops touched the ground in its usual linear pattern.

The garden I watered last week was different though (I volunteer in the center on my weekends).  The dry brownish grass with a splash of green had turned into a green carpet with a sprinkle of brown.  The plants looked happier in their more vibrant colors and the flowers were in bloom. (It's been raining for a week, I've heard.)

After scanning the garden, I couldn't help but look up to see where the rain came from.

I hope that I could be like the rain.  It's short presence (for a week) had made the garden more beautiful and made me remember to look up to the Source.

My wish is that you be the same as the rain too, connected to the One, a blessing for others and a reminder for them to look above.          

Pasalubong from India

At least once in your life, you will have an epiphany.  Mine happened a year ago, when I was sitting amidst a crowd of 20,000 in India.  I felt God's love.  He loved me fully, completely, and so deeply that I need nothing more.  I truly experienced that the whole world- the earth and the sky belong to me.

Surprisingly, I also felt that He loves the one sitting beside me and the one at the far end of the assembly as much as He loves me- as full, as deep, as complete.

In a second, I understood how unlimited and unconditional God is.  And from then on, I strive to do the same- love everybody. 

So, in my recent trip to India this year, I was inspired to bring gifts (pasalubong in Filipino) for everyone.

You see, whenever, I stay for 2 weeks in Madhuban, also known as the Brahma KumarisWorld Spiritual University Headquarters, I share some of my reflections to my friends back home.  Here is one those letters.

This was sent to Monday, 28 March, 2011, 11:05 PM

Om Shanti.  Greetings of peace from Mount Abu, Rajasthan India.  
I just e-mailed to let you all know that I am fine.  More than fine, actually.  I really am enjoying the inner journey.  

I thought that coming here is a retreat from everything else.  I was wrong. The trip exposed my weaknesses.  And I had to face, accept, and change it. I now understood why people are afraid of silence.  It is because you actually confront yourself in silence.  My fears, hurts, and darkness  came out and I had to make it disappear by really looking deep deep inside.  And clearing things with myself.  It was hard work but I came out with a clear mind and a clean heart.  And then, I realized how beautiful I truly really am.  And so, it's easier to connect to God (The Good, the Truth, and The Beautiful). 

I hope I can bring you all here to experience it. Will send love and light from here for now. See you in a few days.

Love & Light,

Karen

P.S. They say, yogis levitate. It's true and false. It is really when you feel so happy and so light that the soul can fly.     

This time, I want to give everyone this simple gift- a compilation of some of my realizations, experiences, and reflections during my recent stay in Madhuban, India.

The University in Video
Part 2. Inspired by the real life spiritual experience by Geofferey Wallace, former VP of The Chase Manhattan Bank N.A.

The Kundalini Rising

After 4 days:  2 four-hour plane rides, 2 stop overs, a 12 hour train ride, and a 1 hour bus ride, I finally set foot on the headquarters of the Brahma Kumaris Meditation Center in Mount Abu, or Madhuban as we fondly call it.  I felt instantly refreshed upon entering, as if I didn’t go through that long journey. 

I am so excited to attend the classes, go to my favorite meditation spots, and simply be with the international family.  But for the next  2 days I couldn’t.  I could only attend the early morning meditation and the first class.   Then, I’d sleep the rest of the day.  I would only wake up for meals and would be too tired to do anything else after that.  I felt that my hyperactive spirit is jailed inside my frail body.  And I couldn’t do anything but will to the body.

Or so I thought.  On the third day, an angel (a sister from the Philippines) told me what was happening.  She said that a disease is a mere message that my spirit is not at ease (dis ease- got it?).  My spirit wishes to burst forth but there are blockages, hence the physical illness.  That means my sickness is only a manifestation of a desonance of the body and spirit.  Thank God!  I really thought I’m going to die in Madhuban- that’s how weird I feel.  (Side note: I do want to die here but I wouldn’t hear the end of it from those closest to me- like I can still hear them if I do die.  Plus I don’t want to burden my companions.  It’s difficult enough to drag their bags along the 4 day journey back home.  How will they manage a dead body?)

So, let’s go back to me not dying.  She said this is what you call the kundalini rising.  For me, the image is that of the rising of the phoenix.  The old bird dies and from its ashes springs forth the powerful and mystical bird.  Since I’m fixated on dying, she finally relented that I may die in a sense that the old me dies so the brand new me emerges. Very dramatic, eh?  However, the work involve is painstaking.  5 days after hearing it, I’m still working on making the shift which will help me reach the phoenix status.  This means, I still am bed bound for at least 2 hours (I’m quite hyperactive and this is a real punishment for me).

"I need to shift. I need to shift. I need to shift!!!" 

The angel told me that I have to figure out what shift I needed to bring in my life.  I have to pinpoint and eventually stop that which does not work in my life anymore.  And only do the things which are aligned to my spirit.  It’s a hit and miss she says.  And it could be a long process.  It took her two years.

I’m partly writing to see if this can be my hit- that thing which will help my kundalini rise.

more info on healing           

I Don’t Want to Lose My Happiness

Those were the words of my travel companion, who lost her luggage, on the first leg of our journey to India  (our route: from Manila fly to KL, Malaysia & ; fly to New Delhi, India &; train ride to Abu road & ; then bus to the university on Mount Abu).  She spoke to me calmly as if nothing happened. 

She related that a similar incident occurred to one of our classmates in meditation some few years back.  While she was sound asleep on the night train, everything was stolen from her- luggage, hand carry bag, passport, and money.  Angry and upset, she went to the dadis (senior sisters) to report what happened as soon as she arrived in the university. 

The first thing one dadi asked her was, “Did you lose your happiness also?”

In one class, Baba, our main guru (teacher) said that it is the duty of the situation to come and my responsibility to pass the situation.

He elaborated that any situation is simply a test. Asking,  Why this happened?  How could you this happen to me? or reacting negatively- getting angry, or depressed will never make any circumstance right.

“If problems come what I have to do is to keep my intellect clear so I know what to do in those situations”, shared Didi Nirmala, the university’s Asia-Pacific coordinator.

Accepting whatever is in front of me and responding to it in the most beautiful manner will make me pass the test with honors. 

My travel companion never got back her luggage.  She had to buy few items from the market, borrow luggage, accept hand me downs, and wash her clothes every single day in our 2 weeks stay in Mount Abu.  I never heard a single complaint from her.  She held on to her happiness and passed her test with flying colors.

The Case of the Thermal Pyjamas

There are times when I feel that God is my loving Father ( in other times He can be my Mother, my Friend, my Beloved ).  So if I need anything from Him, I only need to ask.  Not in a begging sort of way, like “Please God, Please God, Please God give me this”.  But I talk to Him like a child who has a right to his property.

So, one fine cold day on the mountain top, I told Him.  “You know, I came here so I can be closer to you (This particular mountain is so magical for me that I forget the world when I’m there and I can just focus on myself and my relationship with the Supreme Soul) but I didn’t know it would so cold here, can you please send me a pair a thermal clothes.  Add in a pair of socks, too.” 

I waited.  (Since God is the perfect parent I always feel that He’ll just take care of me.)  But no clothes came.  He sent the sun instead.

It’s funny how I look at God ordinarily.  He is God after all (with a capital G), so it’s just easy for Him to send the sun.  Why would he send a pair of pyjamas when He could send the yellow ball from the heavens to give me warmth?

The Angry Bird Followed Me to India

I don’t like angry birds because they’re silly.  They use themselves as canons in their war against the pigs (angry bird game).  So, they die whether they hit their target or not and eventually leave their chicks orphaned (if ever they succeed in rescuing the eggs).

Such is anger, it makes birds and people alike illogical.  

But, I don’t want to write about anger.  I’d like to shed light on dislike, a close relative of anger. 

They say that the law of attraction allows one to manifest whatever it is he truly desires.  If I think about it ardently, it will come. Consequently, it's possible to call forth what I don’t like (since I think of it as well).  Dislike is a strong energy which is sometimes even greater than wanting.

A friend gave me an angry bird hat to bring to India.  I left it.  I didn’t like angry birds, remember?  Incidentally, that friend went to India also and brought the bird with her.  She thought I forgot it.  The bird literally flew around 3,000 miles to come to me (2,961 miles if you want to be exact).

And I had to wear it! (It's an angry bird bonnet.) It turned out to be really cold at night (during the first week) and I didn’t pack a headgear.  Since, it was my nightly companion, I decided to make peace with the bird.  "What can I do if it’s angry?  I cannot change it.  It is what it is. The only thing I can change is my perception of it.   I don’t have to be irritated, feel bad, or even react to it."

Bro. Nirwair, a senior yogi based in India, shared in his class, “what is right is right and what is wrong is also right”. 

Life is a drama.  It is inherent in the plot that heroes and heroines come across the protagonists and villains.  And the heroes can only become who they truly are if they win over the bad guys. 

    

In this case, it’s as simple as accepting their existence. ( I'm the hero, the angry bird's the villain.  Got it? )

  

Practice Not Caring

I heard this many years back from an angel seer.  He claimed that angels talk to him and asked him to spread this message.  He didn’t expound.  And I didn’t understand what he meant.

Now, I do.   A senior yogi mentioned in class yesterday that one obstacle in following the spiritual path is imagination.  “This one didn’t look at me so she must not like me.”  “This one didn’t see me, she didn’t even say hello.”  “He didn’t smile back to me, he must be angry at me.”  These are wasteful thoughts which blocks me from moving forward.

Anthea Church in her book Inner Beauty has this to say, “When someone talks to you, you are not necessarily the focus of their attention but they are bringing with them a hundred other thoughts and concerns. You are only a foothold on their way.”

She explains that there is a wrong notion that “I“am the center of the universe so every little thing is about me.

In practical life, if someone shouts at me, she must be having a bad day and is just projecting it at me.  I don’t have to take the insult and feel bad.  She must be feeling very low and thinks that dumping it on others will help.  And if someone praises me to no end, I check if I take it in, such that my head becomes bigger.   

I call this reacting.  I’ll only smile when she smiles.  It is allowing another’s behavior dictate how I will feel and then act based on that.  Can I not smile at someone who has darting eyes and crumpled face?  Why do I have to let go of my peace just because the other person is angry?  I don’t need to stop being happy just so I can join the grumpy bandwagon.

For me, it is also not minding the things which do not really concern me.  This one did this.  The other one responded this way.  This thing happened.  Why do I want to get involved in unnecessary talk or gossip when it only grabs time away from attending to my personal growth?

It is also caring too much about what other people will think or say such that it paralyzes me to inaction or makes me do something I really don't really intend to do.   " I shouldn’t do this because they’ll just laugh at me." or  "I’ll do this because my friends want me to.".  Where has my self-respect gone?

Practice not caring, a very wise advise.

How come 2-year olds can say it without batting an eyelash and I couldn’t even utter the word?  What’s my issue?  Is it my fear of rejection? My need to please others?  My non-argumentative nature?

It’s a simple situation really.  I’m travelling back home with 4 other companions.  We have 8 hours to burn before the next flight.  Three of them want to go out of the airport and leave their luggage behind with the 2 of us who plan to stay and rest.  I am uncomfortable with the idea but I didn’t say anything.

They hulled the luggage to the next terminal while I stubbornly stayed and continued to leisurely eat my breakfast.  I thought they’d get it that I do not want to be responsible for their things.  They didn’t. 

My fault was not saying anything.  I refused to face the situation.  So, I ended up with the situation I didn’t like (being one of the the luggage caretakers).  Either way, it was lose-lose for me.  

Moral lesson of the story:  Be courageous enough to say NO (diplomatically) if I’m not comfortable with a situation.  

I Lose What I Hold on to the Most

This is a precious lesson my old and trusted scrunchy taught me ( or reminded me of ).

After the new one I brought snapped, I told my old scrunchy, “Now, you’re the only one I have.  Make sure to stay with me until the end of my trip, ok”.  ( Yes, I talk to things. )

And it slipped from my hair the next day.  I retraced my steps, looked around, and tried to find a replacement in the store- but there’s no one like it.  I could not get a single scrunchy on top of the mountain. 

But I wasn’t devasted.  Instead, I let go.  I had a feeling it was bound to happen.

For someone following a spiritual path, holding on to something or someone is often a blockage.  It gives me a false sense of identity.  If I identify myself with the gadgets, cars, houses, or any material possession- my sense of self will go up or down depending on how much I have.  The same happens if I identify with position.  If I attach myself too closely to the people in my life, what will happen to me if my role with them finishes? 

Sister Denise from Canada related that there might be a time when all the worldly support we are holding on to collapse. 

Can I take the blow? Who am I without the money, the position, and the accolades?  What do I do if I am no longer someone else’s manager, daughter, or sister, or friend?  Can I carry on?

If everything that I value in my life leaves me, do I still know who I am?   

Giving blessings on the streets of India

It is customary for our senior sisters to give us blessings (powerful words which can either be an affirmation or a direction for you) after a meeting, a class, or a celebration.

Somehow, I carry this practice wherever I am.  I usually bring blessing cards with me, and hand it to people as gifts.

I gave one card to a very helpful street vendor in Delhi when we visited the market to buy fruits for our return journey.  I read the English words to him.  He couldn’t understand it and no one can translate for me at that time.  So, I pointed up and he understood I meant God. Then, I pointed to my heart and then to Him.  A huge smile flashed across his face and I think he understood that the blessing meant God is in his heart.

The man then passed the card to a little boy.  He liked the picture on the card and he followed us as we shopped in other carts.  Seeing his enthusiasm, I asked him to pick his own card.  Again, I explained in gestures and in 1-2 Hindi utterances.  A passerby got curious and stopped to witness this exchange between a small boy and a white clad lady.  When I finished, I also gave him a blessing and then the vendor we are now buying from.  As I continued to explain, a small crowd of vendors and spectators gathered, each one waiting for their turn to pick a blessing and watch its nonverbal interpretation.

It’s an incident which brings a smile to my face when I remember it.  It just goes to show how everyone really appreciates a kind word or gesture even though how small it is and how infectious a simple deed done with love and happiness can be.

   

Never Travel Alone

Specially on the trains in India (if you can avoid it).

On my way home, while waiting for boarding, I asked a French woman sitting beside me if she’s been on the train.  She said, "It’s a movie experience".  For me, it was quite a scary movie experience.

There were eight of us who opted to take the 12-hour night train ride to Abu Road, Rajasthan, India and from there it was just a one hour bus ride to the university on top of the mountain (The other option is to take the plane then a 5-6 hour private bus or car ride.). 

Of course, I would take the more adventurous route.  I never rode the train in my 2 previous visits.  This was my  first time to experience the India I saw in Slumdog Millionaire.  (The parts of India I often go to are the most peaceful and beautiful places I’ve ever been to in my life.).  The terminal was recently renovated and quite clean but there were a lot of people including beggars asking for alms. 

The drama happened when the brother (we call each other brothers and sisters because we are all children of One Father) who brought us to the train station left for awhile.  I saw several people watching us.  There was an old man in an old suit and a backpack scanning the scene.  A lanky man was intently looking at us from behind.  Around 5-6 other people were discretely moving around our group.  They all pretended to be train passengers waiting for their ride, but, their eyes could not lie.  They were restless and dark.  I felt that they were part of a gang looking at us as targets.

We were all women, 6 out of 8 were senior citizens.  While everyone was busy taking pictures and chatting, I alerted them of the situation.  The senior citizens continued with their carefree ways while the two younger ones stood guard.

Now, what could 2 young women do to scare off the bad guys?  The other sister brought out her long stick (a climbing stick that could be mistaken for a weapon) and practiced her sword drills with it.  While, I stayed calm and meditated for awhile.  I remembered what I heard in class the previous day, silence is power.  "Time to tap on this power", I told myself.  After meditation, I instinctively kept a stern face and stared at each one of the villains (though it’s very difficult for me to even look angry, my siblings think I’m still joking with them even if I’m  red-hot-mad already).  The gang seemed uneasy but unperturbed.  One of them even went near our group and asked for a picture (probably to distract us), while I saw the rest of them closing in on our group.  My companions agreed to have the picture taken while the two of us clutched our bags and kept our stern gaze on the mob.

We did the staring game for what seemed like eternity.  Finally, the brother and our train arrived. 

I breathed a sigh of relief.  Only to find out that they were on the same train and they were not giving up on us.  One of them was billeted in a bunk bed near us. (Each cabin has 3 double-deck beds with curtains as partitions.  Two beds are facing each other while a single double-deck bed is placed near the aisle.). While, another co-passenger had the bad guy aura (i don't think he's part of their gang).  I brought out my secret weapon again- silence.  This time after meditation, the signal for me was to use the sword of kindness.  So, I looked at them as my brothers and chose to see them as good souls (our 2 other bunk mates seem really  kind and harmless).

I’m with the younger sister (The senior sisters were quartered elsewhere with good travel companions.).  She immediately chained our bags, so that secured our luggage (a smart idea!).  Before going up to her bed on top, she warned me not to talk to our bunk mates.  This, I disobeyed.  I offered our food pack and ice cream to them (they serve this on board).  The one with the bad guy aura accepted it.   I also gave all our bunk mates blessing cards (They all speak & understand English!).  Then, I meditated and stayed on guard until midnight (we practice open-eyed meditation so I look alert and on-guard even when i'm doing yoga).  When the gangster saw that I’m not going to sleep, he eventually left.  While, the other bad guy slept.  Sensing that the villains finally decided to stop the chase, I slept peacefully for the  next 4 hours.  And I woke up with all our baggage intact.     

Now, I learned that in times of trouble, I could draw on silence as a weapon and it will and protect me- always.