Sunday, June 24, 2012

For My Mothers

I have many mothers- mama, my physical mother; Mama, the mother of the spiritual university I go to and God, my eternal Mother. 

Today, we celebrate Mama's day at the meditation center.  So, I'd like to express my gratitude to all 3.

        I didn't quite understand why you were always pushing me to excel.  You would make me squat with a book on each hand until I finish reciting 1-100 when I stubbornly told you I hate Math, go to my school editor to ask her to give me an assignment when you didn't see any article with my by-line on our paper, and prod me to run for student government when I could barely talk in front of a crowd.  
        Now, I do.  You simply believe in me so much.  Now, I understand that that was your way of showing your love.  I appreciate it.  If it were not for your tough love, I wouldn't have come out of my shell.  I would still be the shy girl at the back of the class brimming with so many thoughts and ideas but will not dare raise her hand.  And you know how to encourage me as well- play times, beach trips, home-cooked meals, and no household chores for great jobs done.  
         I never told you of that incident when a cousin from the city visited us in the province.  We still lived in the nipa hut (a native house made of coconut leaves and bamboo) at that time.  He arrogantly asked me, "So, this is your life?!".  I confidently answered him.  "Yes!  Isn't it grand?  Mama cooks delicious meals for us all the time.  We can just get fruits from the backyard and we can play as much as we want! (as long as all assignments are done, that is)"  
         I feel rich in spite of the simple life we have because you make me feel very much loved and cared for.  Thank you!  I love you, Mother!

         I have never met you but I feel so close to you.  I will never forget this line from you,  "Follow God's directions with the force of 20 nails!".  Your words are powerful  because you walk your talk.  I wish that   how I live my life become my message as well.  I also want to be as accurate and as determined as you.  I like how you define determination, "whatever I think about, I make sure it happens at any cost".  And you don't just think about anything.  They say you were never ordinary.  Dadi Janki attested, "She was very introverted, she acted in the external world  just as an instrument and usually was in a state of inner intoxication.  Her face reflected happiness and intoxication ".  Thank you for leading by example.  Thank you  for the gift of your transformation.  I love you, Mama.  

        I've always thought of you as a Father since I was young.  I'm glad I have learned that you can be my Mother, as well.  What a gentle and nurturing Mother you are!  You guided me very lovingly towards the spiritual path.  You never scold me when I make a mistake, but you gently lift me back up.  You also let me hide in your embrace when this world seems too much for me.  You also know when not to cradle me, and just watch me learn my lessons.  But even if you keep your distance, I just know that You will always be there for me.  Thank you!  I love You!


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