I've been trying to understand why I have to change. It's so difficult! Sometimes, (like right now) I'd rather revert to my old ways. It's so much easier that way.
At the moment, I can very well sympathize with how Arjuna of the Bhagavad Gita feels before the great war begins. His words express my sentiments, "My limbs sink, my mouth is parched, my body trembles, the hair bristles on my flesh. The Magic bow slips from my hand, my skin burns, I cannot stand still, my mind reels."
I rather not fight this inner battle. Why can I not just let things be? Why get out of my comfort zone? Why struggle?
I really need to understand!
I've been doing some soul searching these past few days. Deep inside, I know I need to find my why so I can move forward (and it has to be a very strong why).
Before the day ends, I have discovered my why in 3 words, I LOVE ME!. "Seek and you shall find" proves to be true after all.
I deserve the best! I so love me!
I got a note from my life coach (i'm a self-development junkie, in case you haven't figured it out) at the end of a leadership course, it reads: I DESERVE THE BEST! I wept buckets when I read it. It hits my heart like an arrow because I have short changed myself so many times. I often tell myself, "Ok na yan!" or "This is enough." or "Let's just stay where it's comfortable.". I have settled for crumbs and the sidelines for so long that's why my heart aches. The note just echoes what my heart has been screaming for, "I deserve the best!" So, from now on, no more settling. I shall not rest until I become the best me. That means, all the bad stuff must go.
It's time to level up! "Self, let's get better!"
They say life teaches lessons. Funny thing is, tests come and will keep coming until I get the lesson. So, the challenges are really exams for me so I can get the point. It can really be tiring and boring to get the same test over and over (even if it's masks in various scenarios). So, I say, "Self, let's finish this one so we can move up a notch! We don't want to get stuck, do we?".
It's just a small thing. No biggie!
I've been listening to Bro. Jagdish's classes. He says even if you are facing a mountain, imagine that it's just made of cotton and you can easily pass through. "You have the power to make anything smaller", he emphasized. "Our Teacher tells us to consider obstacles to be a paper tiger so there's really no need to be afraid." Finally, he stressed out it is written in last stanza of the Gita that Arjuna will definitely be victorious because God is on his side. In the same way, if I just keep God's company, everything will be a breeze.
I love me! I love me! I love me! I love myself so much that I will bravely face and conquer my biggest enemies- my fears and my weaknesses. Game on!