It's not mine

painting from SpecialAchievers

I promised myself that I will never be a mother- at least in this lifetime.  I broke it. 

Two years ago, I gave birth to an idea (with 3 other colleagues and a 65 year old consultant).  Just like any mother will tell you, carrying the concept around for months is not convenient at all. Then the process of bringing it out to the world is painstaking.  The months that follow is even more difficult- it requires so much attention that I missed out on my oh-so-precious sleep and me-time.  It is so demanding that there were moments when I wish it was never born.  However, it was too late to sack it.  

Moreover, I do not have the strength to crush it.  It is too beautiful to behold.  I am head over heels over with it like a hopeless romantic.  I don't like it though that it makes heart go up and down like a rollercoaster.  If it's doing well, then I am happy.  When uncertainty creeps in, I shake in fear. And, when things get tough, my heart falters.

For awhile, it became an extension of me.  For a time, my life hanged on its thread and there were moments when I value it more than myself.

I guess, this is what my Teacher calls attachment.  He always say "remove your heart from this old world because it will only give you sorrow".

Now, I understand.  Anything which I label mine can pull me up, down or around.  I thought it makes me bigger and better but it only makes me a slave just like a dog tied to a rope.

Now, I know.  I will let it live but I will not write my name on it.  It is Yours now.  I don't want anything from it.  I will hold it only for as long as You want me to oversee things.  I can let it go in a blink of an eye.  It is Yours.  So, You will have to carry its basket of burdens. I am simply a caretaker.  I am not responsible, You are.

Now, I can sleep. 

Who's Your Nemesis?

Mine is carelessness and laziness.

I figured out that I love comfort and so I sometimes I put it first even before the deadliest deadline.  Then, I would cram like crazy when "the hour" comes.

Conquering of the Enemy

I know I should change it.  It's my kryptonite (i'm coming from the perspective that I'm a hero as explained in the previous post).  I understand that I lose my power when I succumb to it.

But it's so deceiving like the Hydra, that monster of Greek mythology whose head multiplies when slashed.  I would conquer the dreaded beast in a week- like wake up as soon as my alarm rings, submit all my papers on time, and come to work before time (not 5 minutes after) and then it would come up again the next day.  It can be frustrating.  

But I guess, the main weakness of any human being operates like that.  It keeps on coming back because the habit has been instilled for years, for several lifetimes even.  And so the roots run deep.  

So I thought,  "Let me check out what Hercules did to kill the opponent."  Legend claimed that he asked for help!  He made Iolaus burn the severed head with a flaming torch then he crushed and tore the main head (which remains unharmed if attacked with a weapon) before burying it deep in the ground.  

So, i'll try to do the same.  First, I will ask help from The Source.  Then,  I will burn my antagonist (carelessness and laziness) in the fire of yoga (meditation) before throwing it into the abyss.   

The 5 Thieves

How about you?  Have you figured out who your adversary is?

We often  externalize things.  We have been brainwashed into thinking that the enemy lurks outside.  Truth is, it in inside of us.

I learned in raja yoga meditation that our enemies are the vices.  It  may be in any of the 5 categories:        

1. Anger says "I am right.  You are wrong!".  So it feels offended, insults, blames, criticizes, and judges.  Relative of anger includes: dislike, irritation, revenge, resentment, bitterness, animosity, and distrust among others.      

 
2. Lust says "You exist to please me!"  And it says this line to things and people alike.  Lust is a slave to the 5 senses and it lives life "drinking, eating, and being merry", often at the expense of others because it thinks only of the satisfaction of the physical self  (which can never ever be satisfied and just keeps on wanting).

3. Greed says "I want more and more and more!"  It is always hungry because it is empty inside.  It thinks that collecting more trophies in the form of gadgets, money, luxurious items, other possessions, and even relationships to fill in the inner vacuum.  

4. Attachment says "You belong to me and to me alone!"  It sticks to its prey like a leech and never lets go.  It's is afraid of being not needed, letting the other be on his own, and of standing on his own two feet.           

5. Ego says "I am better than you or I am not enough".  It swings from superiority to inferiority because at it's core lies a deep insecurity.  Ego holds on to the false self.  It associates itself too much to what can be seen, tasted, heard, and touched so it always looks for comfort, praise, reassurance, even pity, consolation, and help.

My Struggle

I think that careless and laziness is a subtle form of ego because it feeds on comfort.  It is very selfish because it does not consider consequences of its action on the self and others.  It is like a spoiled brat whining, "I want this! I want that" without ever discerning if it's good or bad.   

Knowing who my nemesis is, is the first step to winning the inner battle and letting the hero within shine.  It took me careful scrutiny and reflection to pinpoint it accurately.

I hope that you also find the time to check yourself and then take steps of courage to change.

The Monkey with the Wooden Apple

There was once a happy monkey wandering the jungle, eating delicious fruit when hungry, and resting when tired.  One day he came upon a house, where he saw a bowl of the most beautiful apples.  He took one in each hand and ran back to the forest.

He sniffed the apples and smelled nothing.  He tried to eat them, but hurt his teeth.  They were made of wood, but they were beautiful, and when the other monkeys saw them, he held onto them even tighter.

He admired his new possessions proudly as he wandered the jungle.  They glistened red in the sun, and seemed perfect to him.  He became so attached to them, that he didn't even notice his hunger at first.

A fruit tree reminded him, but he felt but he felt the apples in his hands.  He couldn't bear to set them down to reach for the fruit.  In fact, he couldn't relax either, if he was to defend his apples.  A proud, but less happy monkey continued to walk along the forest trails.

The apples became heavier, and the poor little monkey thought about leaving them behind.  He was tired, hungry, and couldn't climb trees or collect fruit with his hands full.  What if he just let go?

Letting go of such valuable things seemed crazy, but what else could he do?  He was so tired.  Seeing the next fruit tree, and smelling it's fruit was enough.  He dropped the wooden apples and reached up for his meal.  He was happy again.

Like that little monkey, we sometimes carry things that seem too valuable to let go.  A man carries an image of himself as "productive"- carries it like a shiny wooden apple.  But in reality, his busyness leaves him tired and hungry for a better life.

Becoming Free from Subtle Anger

by Dadi Janki

Dadi welcomed everyone with the words ‘Om Shanti’, explaining that these words mean: I am a being of peace.

Anger and peacelessness disappear with the words ‘Om Shanti’. Peace brings smiles and peacelessness makes us wilt. Anger is expressed in many different ways, through our faces, eyes, and mouths. Dadi asked if we gathered today to become free from anger and asked if it was possible to become free from anger.

The key is to remember God with your mind and then remember your highest form. Our minds are tools that get trapped. The symptoms of a tired mind is stress and confusion. Subtle aspects of anger express themselves in different ways and then it’s as if your mind becomes a dustbin, collecting rubbish and giving rubbish.

The medicine is ‘Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil and think no evil’. Then you will become like an angel. The face of angels sparkle so much. Their faces are peaceful. They have tolerance and are content.

Dadi said that she wears white, has empty pockets, but is happy. She asked if we got angry if we didn’t get what we wanted. Often we wonder what others will say if we don’t have something a certain way and we move forward in this way.

Desires manifest in thoughts. ‘I want this’ or ‘This should happen’. Often we think, ‘This should happen like this’ and, if it doesn’t, we might not be angry, but we won’t be happy, we will not be pleased. In relationships, even with children, this is what is happening these days.

If we’re not happy with each other, it isn’t a life. Since childhood, at the age of 11, I had a deep feeling I would be of use to God and to the world. I asked myself, even to this day, Is God pleased with my life? Is the world happy?

Why don’t you get angry with me? You don’t, because I don’t want anything from you and you don’t want from me.

Of the virtues, purity must come first and then peace. If there’s any impurity, or dishonesty, then there cannot be peace.

If pain comes to us, and we can come back into peace, the pain dissolves. We have stored a lot of pain inside, whether that pain is of the body or of the mind. When we cultivate pure thoughts, the mind begins to heal. With positive thoughts we experience peace.

We have to check our thoughts and ask why we don’t experience peace. Our heart is broken in many pieces. It’s taken sorrow from everywhere. Whose job is it to bring back what has been broken? Humans can speak bitter words that break a heart and yet the same mouth can also say sweet words that heal a heart.

What are we taking benefit from? I may have seen something or heard something, but did I experience peace, love, or good wishes for someone through that? To reform the self, I need constant attention not to see or speak of anything negative. Then I can feel energised.

There are two causes of the symptoms of anger: desires and attachments. With attachment, we are afraid to lose what we have, even if it’s unnecessary. We need to be simple and a sample.

When we accumulate a lot, we fall ill. We are stressed because of illness. Then, stress becomes the illness. Stress creates a loss inside. First, take care of the mind, the heart, and the intellect. Let my mind be free from desires, my heart be free from attachment, otherwise, my intellect cannot do what is right. It will be influenced from the outside. The intellect knows what’s true and what’s right and wrong, but it doesn’t have the feeling in its heart. And so, despite knowing what is good, what is charity, it cannot do it. The intellect cannot follow to do what is right.

Link your mind with God and your heart will start to feel. Then the heart will be able to converse with the mind. Then you can transform yourself and make changes. My wisdom and good wishes will support you.

Dadi shared a story of a person with three friends. One friend stayed with the person all of the time. The next one was around occasionally. And the third one was rarely around. When a difficulty came, the person asked each friend for help. The one who was always there said that he couldn’t help. The one who was there occasionally said he couldn’t help. But the third one said that he could help. Then Dadi asked the audience who the three friends were. The first one was the person’s body. The second one was the person’s friends and family. And the third one was the person’s good karma, good actions. We must ask ourselves, if we leave our bodies now, who will support us?

Our bodies cannot help us. Our friends and family will leave us at the crematorium and get on with their lives. It’s our good actions that will help us in our time of need and what we take with us.

When we keep our attention focused on performing good karma, we get God’s support. In the world, we get punished for performing sin. But the Supreme Soul is so good that He doesn’t punish. He gives understanding.

God helps us finish our accounts, the past, and create an elevated future.

We store the hurt we’ve taken and then one day it comes out, after years of suppression. Then we cannot tolerate any more. It’s strange that in this world we can train animals to be sweet, but we can’t train humans. But humans can transform themselves.

We must pay attention to the quality of our thoughts. A negative thought becomes a constant flow. They create storms in our minds. Whatever we suppress depletes us. Our mind and body doesn’t work well. We must also deal with weak and waste thoughts. These thoughts make us unable to deal with what is going on around us. We get irritated and develop arrogance. We need to develop pure, elevated thoughts. These thoughts generate humility. Then we can deal easily with life and have no complaints.

We cannot engage in giving or taking sorrow. We need to think in such a way that we bring blessings. Dadi said she doesn’t ask God for blessings or power. If we did, God would turn a stern eye and said, “You are a soul, a child of the Supreme. Don’t you think you have power?” There should be so much intoxication over all we have inherited - love, power, blessings, and courage. All God wants is for us to continue looking in His direction.

Whoever I remember is reflected in my eyes. If I remember them, I will draw their remembrance to me. Of our five fingers on our hand, only one indicates direction and can point to the Supreme up above. That same finger should also point to the self. It should not point outside of itself. If it does point outward, then you can be influenced by the outside. This is how you open the door to let rubbish inside. If you have that rubbish inside you, how can you belong to God? God tells us to let go of everything and pay attention to Him alone. Manmanabhav.

Then God will make the line of the intellect clean and clear.

There is one condition attached to having a relationship with the Supreme. It is either with the situation (bat) or God (Bap).What can we do when we cry out in distress? What can God do? We have to realise we are the authority. We can become like a jailbird, caught and trapped in situations and relationships. Birds are meant to fly away. When birds are in a cage with other birds they get comfortable being fed, just chirp, and don’t fly anymore.

Dadi inspired everyone there to achieve their goals of becoming free from anger. She asked people put their hand up if they wanted to accomplish this. (Everyone put up their hand.) She said that it was now or never.
It’s amazing what the power of a clean thought in a gathering can achieve. It isn’t a matter of time studying, some may study for 20 year and some for 20 days and if they’re touched, they will progress greatly. Dadi explained how and now. It is the qualities of truth, love, peace, humility, and patience that will enable us to become what we’re meant to be. We must be all of these qualities in a natural way.

When there is a fire, do we add fuel to the flames - or cold water? When someone gets angry, if I start to heat up and get angry myself, how will I help the other to become free from anger? We have to give good vibrations and good feelings to cool people down and dissolve a potentially negative situation. We must feel that nothing is difficult. We must see the specialities in others and nothing will be difficult. There is nothing to worry about.
Three virtues are essential: tolerance, patience, and contentment. If you have these three, you are free.

Om Shanti