Don't think

I have a friend 
Who is a worrywart
In her head, any scenario no matter how bright and sunny
Will eventually end up in smoke



To her, I say "Don't think"



I have a brother
Who plans on and on about his future
When he's barely even a year in his new job
Who talks about his next investment when he hasn't even saved a penny



To him, I say "Don't think"



I have a heart
Which often gets heavy when it takes in 
What other people think
Or its wacky guess of what it thinks other people think



To my heart, I say "Don't think"



I have a mind
Which moves from north pole to south pole in a minute
Swings from positive to negative in a second
And zooms from one thought to another in a nanosecond



To my mind, I say "Don't think"



I have an intellect
Which enjoys weighing things
Asking a gazillion of questions like a reporter
Moving from one process to another like a machine



To my intellect, I say "Don't think"



"That's baloney!"
They all quipped
It is impossible not to think
Can one stop the train of thought?



It can't be done



I say, "Be still"
Stay calm
Like the fulcrum of the wheel
Like the eye of the storm



The thinking doesn't stop



I reason
You are not a human doing
Or a human thinking
You are a human being



Simply be



Be the peace you are searching for
Be the happiness that you crave for 
Be the love that you long for
Can you not feel it?



How?



Remove the costume of the body
Detach from the world of what is
Go to the world of I am
Dip your finger in the world of energy



Remember



You are peace
You are happiness
You are love
You are spirit



Trust



That everything is good
Even when your limited vision disagrees
Know that whatever is your right
Will come to you without any struggle



Accept



That life is like a movie
With actors with their own parts
And circumstances you cannot direct
Flow with how the reel spins



Don't think



Remember
Accept
Trust
Instead

P.S. This is the perspective of a 6 year old yogi. Do you want to know a 50 year old yogi's view on the matter? British lecturer BK Denise Lawrence will share her insights while you will hear the reflections of a 100 year old yogi during this multi-media dance concert.

No tickets. Just go. Don't think! Hope to see you there.

  

I'm afraid

Before, I was just skimming the surface
Merely checking the playing field
Engaging only when I want to
Then, retreating in my comfort zone if the demand is too much


Times have changed
I feel the pull to cross the unchartered waters
I feel the need to let go of the comfort of the usual
Looks like I have to brave the unknown much sooner than expected


I am afraid


The task I face looms like a mountain  
The stakes are higher
The expectations greater
My inner voice taunts me, "You know nothing about this"


I am afraid


Now, I have to move
The field is ready
There is no time to stall
Everybody's eagerly waiting 


I am afraid



Then, I thought
This is not my task
This is Yours
I'm merely the pawn sent by the commander to do the groundwork


I will hold on to that


Yes, this is Your task

You are in charge
I am merely the one overseeing it for you
I am only a caretaker


Yet, some fear still remains


It clutches my heart like a thief
Who wouldn't let go of an object which is not his
I bravely take a step forward anticipating an attack- none came
And so I run as fast as I can 


I ran until I reach Your sanctuary
I cloaked myself in Your peace
Armed myself with Your strength
Then with all the courage I can muster, I head towards the field assigned for me


I feel the fear slowly ebbing away.


Then, I realize
That fear is not real
It stands tall like a scary thief blocking my path
But if I move, it cannot do anything


I am free

video by Release Your Wings

I'm a knife?!

"I'm tired.", I complain to The One who's making me do things.

You see on top my usual workload, I feel pulled to do attend to other matters.

On my three day weekends, I am either here...

This is a portion of the farm I'm helping develop.  I love going here.  I'm mostly just supervising but I wish I can go there in a wink of an eye and avoid the 10-12 hours travel to and fro the farm and Manila.

or meeting with people to make this happen more regularly...

This is the free mentorship program of Special Achievers, an NGO which puts a spotlight on the strengths and passions of persons with disability.  We're pilot testing this program in a public SPED school in Rodriguez,Rizal and in a foundation for children with cancer.

I love both tasks!  If I have my way though, all I ever want to do on my weekends is this...

"Why do put so many things on my plate", I ask.

"What do you call yourself, again?"

"An instrument", I quickly reply.

"Then, you only have one responsibility- to be sharp."

"What do you mean? ", I query.

"Well, if you really believe that you are an instrument then, you're simply like a knife in the hands of the Master Chef.  The knife doesn't complain if it cuts fruits, vegetables or tofu because it doesn't do the hard work- the Chef does.  It only needs to be sharp.  The Chef does everything else.

video from Release Your Wings

Just do it!

image from timemanagementninja.com

Some things hit you like a cold shower when you're barely awake.

I've been browsing through the book Heal your Mind and Body by Dr. Chandrashekhar and Azeem Dana.  The chapter on  psychosomatic diseases catch my attention.  Since, I have colds right now I quickly check if it's part of the list. In bold letters, it says:

COLDS
Indecisiveness, need to make decision and not doing so, feeling sorry for self and wishing to delay activity.

Pak! I felt like I was given a cold shower.  

I admit it, the words went through me like a sword.

Instead of going through my usual process of looking inward, asking myself, analysis and over analysis, I simply stopped the barrage of questions, got my phone and made the call I've long been stalling.

Today I learned that even if the plans are not perfectly laid out and I'm still doubting yourself, I have to make a move.  

meditation by Anthony Strano

Know thy enemy

“If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.”
                                                                                                          ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I just came from battle- not a physical one or the virtual online games (I find it boring and senseless) but from some internal struggle.

I did say before that it is inevitable on the path of self-development.  Whether I like it or not, I really have to confront my dark side (I know it sounds eerie but it's true.).  What I've found out of late is that the enemy also hides behind beautiful masks.

Taking Sun Tzu's advice, I 've unmasked my enemies:

image from toonpool.com

1.  The Time Thief: The television
     Other forms: on-line streaming, on-line games, videos, youtube
     Lure: "Time to take a break from your busy schedule, come sit with me for a while"
     Effect: Makes me brain-dead
     Steals: My Time

image from www.hknet.org

2.  The Mindnapper - The cellphone and other gadgets
     Other forms: facebook, instagram, twitter, pinterest and other social media apps
     Lure: "Hey, look at the interesting things other people are doing!"
     Effect: It distracts me with entertainment & information I don't really need.
     Steals: My Mind


                                                       image from amazonaws.com

3.  Time Space Warp- The bed
     Other forms: vacations, frequent naps, oversleeping, stalling, excuses
     Lure: "You need to rest."
     Effect: It lulls me in deep slumber so I can escape reality.
     Steals: My Present and ultimately my Future


I'm not saying it's detrimental to sleep, go on vacation or use the phone and other facilities. What I observe in myself though is that I run to these things all too often whenever I'm afraid or escaping my truth. (Thank heavens, I've killed my addiction!)  But, just when I've thought I've slayed my monsters, they keep on challenging me again and again.  They are like the Hydra of Greek mythology whose head multiplies when slashed.


I still believe that the enemy lies within but these illusions trigger my old bad habits and patterns.


How about you, do you know what your triggers are?


P.S. I feel that all of these triggers steal my time, my mind, my present & my future when used indiscriminately.

video from easymeditation

Kids say the best things

image from http://playroom.co

When people ask me what I do I tell them, "I play with children".  I make sure though that they learn skills which they need in school and at home while they're at it.  Often, I learn a lot from them too!  

Last week, I was in a school conducting an evaluation with preschoolers.  I asked a 3 year old, "Where are your eyes?".  She stood up from her seat and went to the nearby table.  Before I could stop her she came back with a bowl and pointed to what's inside, "Ice!", she answered.  "That's correct too.", I laughed.

At that time, I was wringing my brain for ideas for a program I'm working on.  That incident made me think that there's no one way of doing things.  There are a million and one answers.

Thank you kiddo for reminding me!   

video from easymeditation

Haha Moment

image from pingallery.deviantart.com

"You've turned dark.", my little brother told me.

"I beg to disagree.", I countered.  "A little gray maybe but not utterly dark".

"I like reading about your funny stories like when the angry bird followed you to India.", he said.

"I can't help it, I'm in that space of late."

"You see, when one travels the spiritual path, it's not always bright and sunny.  It is inevitable that one's monsters will come out." 

"More often than not, it takes time to deal with one's beasts.", I explained.

After several days,  I thought about my critique's opinion.  I reconsidered it.  I do miss my light side.  So today, I thought of sharing with you an inspiring incident I encountered this week.


The Old Woman and her Old Bike Seat

I have a 60 year old friend who loves to tell me how her day transpired.  Like most senior citizens though, she often forgets that she has told me a particular story for the nth time.  I often remind her when I have heard what she's telling me about and most of the time she says, "Just listen to me.  Why are you young people so disrespectful?!"

One day she excitedly told me, "You couldn't guess what happened to me today."

"I went to have the seat of my bike changed.  A customer of the shop offered to buy my old seat for P20 ($ 0.43) but I don't feel like parting with the seat for such a small amount.  So, I opted to bring it home with me.  When I arrived at the gate, it was also time for the students to go home from school." (She lives near a public elementary school.)  

My attention was caught by an old man fetching his grandchild.  I noticed that his bike seat is made up of old clothes and rags sewn together.  I approached him and offered my old seat.

He was hesitant to receive it saying, "I might have to pay for it."

I told him, "Don't think about it. I just got a new bike seat."

"You know, his face beamed when I handed him the seat.  The happiness in that man's face could not be compared to the P20($ 0.43) I could have gotten if I sold the seat.", she joyfully recalled.

I listened attentively and did not interrupt her at any point of her story.

"I did tell you the story before, didn't I?", she said.

I simply nodded and flashed a knowing smile.  I figured, why not listen to her story again?  So, what if I lost 5 minutes of my time when in turn I gave 5 minutes of happiness to an old friend. 

video from easymeditation

I met Superman

image from static.comicvine.com

He stopped trucks
From hauling loads of stones
Out of the river
Using his super voice


He told the bad guys
"Stop this!
Or else I will tell ENRO (Environment & Natural Resources Office)
That you are quarrying without permit"


The villains blasted him with a barangay permit
"The barangay captain and the council support this"
They haughtily reasoned
"Still, you don't have the ENRO's permit",  he punched back


He then flew to the barangay hall to confirm the news
He saw the council feasting on pansit (fried noodles with vegetables)
Sent by the adversary to keep their mouths shut
"So, it's true! You sold the river for a free snack!", he confronted


Before they mobbed him
He used his super speed to run to the office of the mayor
"We cannot do anything if the barangay agreed to the quarrying"
The city administrator advised


"They did not consult the community"
He retorted back
"Then, file a petition against the quarrying"
The office of the mayor challenged


He readily flew back to the village
For days, he knocked on every door
Talked to every person he meets along the road
Until he got hundreds of villagers on his side


Superman created allies
And together they defended the river
The petition was their weapon
Against the mighty tyrants


With the signed petition
And the majority on his side
ENRO and the Office of the Mayor
Had no choice but to send a force field to protect the river


The quarrying is now put on hold
The barangay officials are currently being audited
The young and old who pass by the river daily are now safe
Because of one man who chose to lead the fight


How do I know all this, you ask?
I was superman's sidekick during this whole ordeal
To be honest, he's a simple farmer without a cape
But he has super strength because of his heart of steel

video from easymeditation

'I eat my feelings'

image from www.eatwithoutguilt.com

"I eat my feelings", said a friend.

I tried that but it didn't work for me.  I would pig out when I'm happy or sad and everything else in between but it only made me bloat.

I also attempted to keep it all in so nobody will see it.  After awhile though, it exploded right in front of my face.  I was so hurt I could not readily stand up.

Then, there was the talking it out cure.  I confided to friends but even though I've sorted things out, some of them were still stuck in the situation.  At times too, they would be angrier or sadder than me.

Now, I just write my feelings just so I can see exactly where I am.  I am learning (albeit slowly) not to dwell on it too much or let it control my choices.  They are as fickle as the weather and as unreliable as an outdated map.

I'm teaching myself not to be swayed by the pendulum of my positive and negative reactions.  Of late, I constantly remind myself, "Stay in the middle- at zero.  That's the point of balance."

video from easymeditation

The enemy within

image from http://pridenews.ca

I will fight!

The moment I utter these words, my enemy appears.

I am surprised to see that I am looking at my mirror image. Though we have the same face, we have opposite demeanor.

My mirror image avoids my gaze as I peer straight into her eyes.  Her head is bowed and her hands are folded back.  Like a puppet, she has numerous strings on her arm, hands, legs and feet which allows others to pull her in any which way they wish.  On her head is a handwritten message which says, NOT GOOD ENOUGH.    

"She is my enemy?!", I shout bewildered.

A voice answers, "She is a part of you. She represents your old sanskar (pattern) of pleasing everybody but yourself that you end up not knowing who you are."

"How will I fight her?", I ask.

"You have to set her free.", the voice replies.  "Every time you say yes to something you don't believe in, you allow people pull her here and there.  When you doubt yourself, you make the NOT GOOD ENOUGH message bolder.  When you don't speak your mind, the lower her head bows."

"I am not her! I refuse to be a puppet!", I scream.

Then, one of the strings snap.

Today, I realize that the enemy is not something or someone lurking outside.  What I really have to fight are my old patterns and beliefs (sanskars).

How about you, what old sanskars imprison you?

video from easymeditation

I will fight!

photo from www.t-nation.com

"When someone sticks on your back like a monkey you may shout at them- at least in your mind," says my spiritual adviser from the West.

"You see, there are some people who cling on too tightly to you.  They take it upon themselves to monitor your every move and tell you how to live your life.  You can tell them, "Go to Hell!", she explains. 

"Seriously? How about harmony?", I ask.

"How about your sanity?", she counters.

"When you say yes to everyone and allow people to control you, you give up your power.  You give up your peace. You're not even in harmony with yourself".

"Ok, you give in to the desires of others so they're ok with you.  But, if it doesn't resonate with who you are and what you truly want, then it causes an internal discord.", she continues.

"What do I have to do?", I asks.

"You have to learn to defend yourself.  I use a mantra as a weapon to sticky people who hang on to me like a leech.  In  my mind, I shout at them, "Go to hell!", she replies.

"You see, I can't find another word strong enough so they can let me be.", she elucidates.

Sensing that I'm still not convinced she adds, "You can't be too calm, you'll be trampled on. You have to be strong, too."

"It is balance that you seek, right?," she asks.

"Then, you should know when to accommodate people and when to say, Go to Hell!", she advises.

I really tried my darnest to utter the words but I really can't.  For now all I could say is, "I will fight!"

Have you heard the scandal?

image from artflakes.com

It was way too early in the morning when that question was asked.  I tried to let it pass though it seems too loaded to ignore.

We were in a big room with little kids playing about yet the issue still persisted.  "She was only 12 years old,", said the informant.

My curiosity (a.k.a. hmm-let's-see-what-others-are-doing) got the better of me and so I inquired, "Who is this you're talking about?".

I was immediately given a short reply.  Realizing that I really don't know the person, I kept quiet but the Pandora's box has been opened.  Almost all the adults in the room gave his own version of the tale and his own comment.

I didn't want to have anything to do with it so I mufffled the noise with my inner ramblings.

"You shouldn't have asked!", I rebuked myself. "Why do you need to know?" 

Before my one minute of allowable guilt-tripping ceases, I reminded myself, "You've been very careful with what you feed your mouth (being a strict vegetarian and all that) but sometimes you are not too keen on what passes your ears.  There are too many information in this world which are as useless as garbage."

My one minute alarm beeped but my inner voice continued its tirade, "On the surface, it seems like a casual conversation but you of all people understand energy!  When you pried in, you open the lid of a stinky dust bin and allow it's stench to permeate the air.  Also, whenever you look at the defects of others, you color yourself with that.  It's like a game of throwing mud, you can never get out of it clean."  

With head bowed, I realized that meddling in other people's affair is a total waste of time.  It's their life, their choices.    

video from EasyMeditation

Of rainbows and green pixie dusts

I've seen a lot of rainbow colored profile pictures on facebook lately, alongside different opinions and varied emotions on the topic.

As always, I am Switzerland (neutral).  For me, rainbows will always represent the beautiful colors of the soul.  I play this game with people, tell me your favorite color of the rainbow and I will tell you your strongest virtue.

No peeking! Answer the question first and then read on.

image from EasyMeditation



Red is for Power.
Orange for Purity.
Yellow for Happiness.
Green for Love.
Blue for Peace.
Indigo for Truth.
Violet for Balance.

What did you get?   

By the way, here's my two cent's worth on celebrate pride.  You see, I've been taught that all souls are brothers which means we are family.  I don't know about you but from where I come from, we don't throw family out in the streets- even if we have all the right reasons to.  Even if we don't agree with their beliefs or their decisions, we love them anyway.  I know it's hard to do.  It's easier to just push our position down their throats.  It's easier to say "I am right and you are wrong".  It's easier to rant.

I wish that everyone will simply accept.  Often, it's hard because I have to go down from my "I am right" pedestal or wave the white flag.  Sometimes, it means I have to swallow my pride or keep mum even if I have a long speech prepared.  

Green pixie dusts of acceptance (a.k.a. rays of love)- this is my wish for both celebrators and naysayers. Afterall, we're family.

                                                                  video from EasyMeditation

When I change, the village changes

"You should try farming.", advised my 80 year old friend.

I was reluctant but try I did.

I thought of starting with a vegetable garden because I cannot understand why the farmers have to buy from the market when they can just grow food.  You see, they only plant fruit-bearing trees in our village.   

I visited our place recently and I noticed that most of our neighbors are now planting vegetables for their own consumption and are selling the extra produce.  Even the Mangyans in the farm have their own vegetable garden! 

Since I am a newbie, I asked lots of questions such as, "So, what do you do when the fruit season is over?".  Most of them told me that they simply tighten their belts.  "What do the wealthy farmers do?", I prodded.  "They invest in livestock", they answered. 

Of late, I observed that most villagers have their own piggery and flock of chicken.

I spotted items for merchandise in the boondocks.  The Mangyans would laugh at me though whenever I use the handwoven basket I bought from them.  They didn't know that their products are of great value and environmentally-friendly to boot.

Recently, we sold some of their works and they were so happy that "Tagalogs" (that's how they call the non-Mangyans") appreciate their craftmanship.  

I've met children without dreams.  Before when I asked them, "What do you want to be when you grow up?".  They answered with, "Wala po" (No one).  After 7 months of intermittent coaching, they are now saving up for their dreams.  The boy with a stick wants to have his own farm while the other boy wants to be a seaman.  

I am not saying that I (and Sister Nory, my 60 year old friend who usually comes with me to the farm) brought about the changes in our small village.  I feel that we simply shook things up when we started questioning their usual ways and showed them that the village has a lot of potential.  

Whenever I go down the boondocks, our neighbors often ask, "What do you do up there?" (the farm is a 30 minute trek from the village center) 

I want to retort, "I'm planting seeds of hope." 

   

*photos by Nory San Juan

Goodbye Sister Poyee

photo by Ojie Vergara

"Do you want to have a chopsuey life?", she sternly asked me.

Sister Poyee, my 68 year old mentor can be brutally frank to a hilt.  Sugar coating is not in her vocabulary.  She doesn't swerve here and there when she needs to make a correction.  She goes straight to the point and serves it cold.

"I cannot tolerate mediocrity that's why I don't work with ordinary people.", she explained. 

"I can spot the ore and bring out the gold in people but they have to be willing to be trained."

Her training though is one which will make even the toughest ones cry.

One time, she made me go around the stretch of Tomas Morato Avenue selling some kind of contraption.

"The heart of any organization is sales.  If you cannot sell, you will have to close shop.", she told me after two long days of knocking on doors.

Knowing that I don't have the courage to sell the idea of a non-profit organization for persons with disability yet, she went with me to every single meeting and spoke to key people we need to bring to our side.  She met with parents, teachers, marketing executives, website developers and volunteers.  She was building a team while I merely looked on.

"Why are you so scared of knocking on doors?", she would ask.

"If your intention is pure and if you believe in your cause then you will definitely get a yes- even from a stranger.  And so what if you get a no, just knock on another door.", she would constantly remind me.

For a year, while we were doing the groundwork for the organization, we had a ritual.  Every Monday morning after meditation class, we would have coffee and she'll share her stories of old.  Then, she would ask me the questions I deem too huge for me like, "Don't you want to help humanity?" or questions I try to evade such as "Ask your heart, what is it that you truly want?". 

Then, when my distractibility gets in the way of that one thing I want, she would nudge me back albeit quite sternly.

Recently, I understood why she had to use tough love on me.  She only had few Mondays to spare.  Last week, she departed suddenly that I didn't get to say goodbye.

Our last conversation though was the ending I have always envisioned.  "Congratulations, you and the Special Achievers team made it happen.", she happily greeted me. (She was on leave from the organization for a year so she can take care of her health.) 

"You jumpstarted the whole thing!  The credit goes to you.", I quickly replied.

This is the part I failed to tell her though, "Thank you Sister Poyee for spotting the ore in me and helping me bring out the gold.  The process was not easy but it was well worth it.  I will forever be grateful." 

  

Are you ready for The Big One?

Kobe, Japan- January 17, 1995, Amidst the rubble, the Indian community huddled together in an evacuation center.  They were thirsty, hungry and afraid.

At 5.46 in the morning,  a 7.2 magnitude earthquake hit the city.  Kobe was in shambles- 150,000 buildings were ruined, 1 km of the Hanshin Expressway collapsed, 120 of the 150 quays in the port were destroyed, and fires raged.  It was difficult for help to come in immediately because of the massive destruction.  (In fact, the 45 minute car ride to Kobe from Osaka became a 12 hour journey.)

Moreover, there were no electricity and drinking water.  Every hour, aftershocks could be felt.  Every aftershock, there were loud screaming, dogs barking and people running out from their makeshift shelter to the devasted streets covered in their quilts and blankets.  The whole day, the people of Kobe froze in the middle of winter- uncertain of their fate.

Inside the center, there was an Indian lady in white sari who kept her calm in the midst of the turbulence.  Rajni Daulatram, Brahma Kumaris coordinator for Philippines and Japan was simply observing the situation and meditating.

"Why are you so calm?", asked some people in the community.

"My consciousness is I am an eternal soul.  The soul doesn't die.  If anything happens- only this body dies.", she answered.

"How can you be so stable?", they prodded.

"I have been practicing meditation everyday for 20 years.  I have trained my mind to be calm."

"What is meditation?", they continued to query.

"Meditation is the practice of being the king of the mind.  It also allows one to declutter all the wastes so the mind can think clearly.  Like right now, it is not necessary to worry or question why this is happening.  Of what use is that?"

"Can you teach us how to meditate?", they asked.

"I've been inviting you to come to our center for years and it's only now that you want to learn?  Meditation is not a pill that you can take which will instantly make you feel good.  It requires practice.", she gently explained.

"Please teach us", they pleaded.

So, she did.

"First, stop complaining in your mind.  Put a halt to all your questions."

"Then, remember who you are. I am a peaceful soul and experience that peace."

"Finally, send good wishes to nature because nature helped us survive this calamity."

So, on that fateday day of January 17,1995 the Indian lady in white sari taught meditation to the community in the middle of the rubble and the aftershocks.

Manila, Philippines- June 2015, 20 years after the Kobe earthquake, amidst news of an impending earthquake in Manila, Daulatram invites the public to learn and experience meditation on June 4 at 6pm in Onstage, Greenbelt 1.

She advises,  "It is good that the Philippine government released earthquake safety tips and reminded the citizens to be prepared.  However, preparation for such a calamity must be two-fold: spiritual and physical."

She explains, "Earthquakes happen unexpectedly, you only have some few seconds to respond.  If you are not spritually prepared, you will be scared and confused.  However, if you can keep your mind calm and alert, you will be able to do what is necessary at the right time."

"A daily meditation practice allows one to accumulate peaceful energy which is very useful in times of crisis", she stressed. 

Do you want to learn how to be spiritually prepared?

    

Are you stressed?

"Are you stressed?", this is the question my colonics therapists asked me every single time I go to their clinic. I've had 11 sessions with different therapists doing the procedure and each one of them asked me the same question.

Apparently, by looking at the fluid being excreted, they can detect the acidity in the body.  Yellow color indicates high acidity and therefore stress.

I refused to believe them.  I always answered with a gentle, "No, I'm not stressed.  I meditate daily.  How can I be stressed?"

Then, I would go on and explain, "In physics, stress is equal to pressure over resilience.  Meditation allows me to increase my resilience so I can handle the pressure."

"I cannot be stressed.", I reassured them.

But, I was so stressed that I wasn't able to fly to India for my annual retreat last year.  I was not acknowledging the pressure that was building up inside me (the resilience I stored was not enough to handle it).  Plus, I was sweeping all my pent up emotions under the rug.

It happens to most of us.  So many things are happening that we don't put in the time to sort out our issues, feelings, and capacity to handle the demands of life and work.  We keep on hustling and bustling around- completing tasks, meeting deadlines and taking care of other people that we forget to take care of ourselves.

Then, we can't be as effficient or as creative or as nurturing.

I saw a note which reads:

All too often, we just need to be reminded. :)

What do you think?

They're all dead

All 100 of their kind.  I thought I would see them during this visit but they did not make it.  They weren't able to stand the heat, so they bid adieu to the earth.

I was looking forward to naming each one of the 100 coffee trees we planted 2 months ago.  You see, a friend recently gave me 2 mulberry trees for planting.  Before we parted, she told me to please call the 2 trees, "Anak ng Diyos" (Child of God).  I'm not kidding, I swear.

So, on my way to the farm, I'm thinking that if I'm going to call the 2 trees Anak ng Diyos, Sr. and Anak ng Diyos, Jr, I have to give names to the 100 coffee trees we planted, as well.  

"How will I remember all their names?, I asked myself.  "Will I etch it on their trunk? But that might hurt them.  Using white paint might be the better solution.  But, what names will I give?  Will they each have a different name or just a generic name like Karen and i'll just add in a number.  So, I have Karen1, Karen2 until Karen100." These thoughts ran on my mind as I travel.

I arrived at the farm to see that I have no coffee tree to name.  I asked my father, "How come?".  

"It's too hot lately", he answered.  

I sought a second opinion from my godmother who has a farm in the same village.  She gave the same advice and added, "It's best that you plant when it's raining."

I remembered what my 80 year old friend said when she was convincing me to try farming,  "You will learn to respect the seasons and understand nature.".  

Back in Manila, I hear people complain that it's too hot.  In the boondocks, however, the weather's not merely inconvenient.  It also affects their livelihood but the farmers are simply telling me, "Just plant again when it rains".

Hence, from this day forward, I resolved not to complain or be pulled down by the heat.  

The world is old and so the weather's going haywire- too hot, too cold, too rainy.  I guess, I just have to respect that it's the reality now.

Goodbyes Karens 1-100.  It's ok.  I'll just plant again.

Dearest Mother

"Why do you worry?", I asked my mom.

"Let me worry.  I'm your mother.  It's my job to worry!", she snapped.

I tortured my youngest sister once by making her sit and wait in a corner until she finishes counting to 100.  I knew that my mom is in the other room so I am free to bully her.

She must have bionic ears and super speed because she rescued my little sister from my evil plan before she even counts to 10.

She did punish me once for a grave mistake I can no longer remember.

I was made to kneel down on a winnowing basket (bilao) of mung beans with my two arms outstretched and a glass full of water on each hand (talk about corporal punishment). My siblings would tease me that I've become Miss goody two-shoes after that incident.

But, she's very supportive of  any project which will allow me to grow.

She flew with me out of the country once and took care of all the expenses to simply accompany me to take a test.  I was already working at that time and I can pretty much take care of myself but she insisted (so why not?).

Even if I turn 60, I think I will always be your little girl and you'll always worry about me (and my other siblings) so you should try meditation, mom.

Kidding, I don't want to give you another unsolicited advice.  What I really want to say is,  I now understand that you do what you do because you love me.

Even when we don't see eye to eye at times, please know that I love you too!


P.S.  This is my post Mother's Day greeting.  Sorry, I am 2 days late.  We've just finished the exhibit.  I know you would understand, as always.  I love you, mama!



    

On the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight

image from http://www.telegraph.co.uk

She's the most unlikely Pacquiao fan.  She is way past her 60's, with hair always kept in a tight bun. Think of the quintessential principal stereotype, then you have a picture of her.  Wait, she is a principal!

"I love his determination!", she quips while she watches a Pacquiao-Mayweather promotional video.

De La Hoya, in the clip says, "He is a fighter who never stops throwing punches".

A Filipino-American relates, "Manny Pacquiao is our national hero this time around."

"What makes him a hero?", I ask.

Manny Pacquiao answers my question during his conference prior to this Mayweather-Pacquiao fight, "I came from nothing...".  However, at present, he is hailed as a boxing superstar and an icon recognized the world over.

His story is that of a poor boy from a small province who pushed himself to the top by winning one boxing match after another.  His tale is an inspiration to many, especially to most of his countrymen who live in dire poverty.

I watched his fight today and marvelled how he can take so many punches and yet remain standing.  I saw too how quickly he throws powerful punches and combinations with his hands and how he danced with his feet in the ring.  His why was definitely bigger than his opponent.  "I'm fighting for my country.", says his song.

Today, I learn about the heart of a hero.  A hero is one who fights the good fight.  One who can inspire others by simply being true to who he really is.  A hero gives his all for something bigger than himself.

"Pacquiao is my winner.", says the unlikely Pacquiao fan.  Ask anyone from the Philippines and I think you'll get the same response despite his lost today.

My question now is, how many people can call you their hero?

Ok, let's simplify it a bit, can you call yourself a hero?


P.S.  Please know that when I say 'you', I'm addressing myself, too.

Feeling guilty doesn't work

image from www.usc.edu

Madhuban is like a hall of mirrors.  The atmosphere and the tapasya (intense meditation) allow one to look at the self squarely.

Often, I get a glimpse of my true inner beauty whilst in yoga. Sometimes, the beast inside me comes out as well.

My waterloo has always been accuracy.  I usually come to the bhattis (group meditation) and classes 5-10 minutes late.

So, in the two weeks that I was in the academy, I disciplined myself to be punctual.  I was able keep my goal 80% of the time despite my persistent cough & colds and the entertaining scenarios which suddenly pops up.

I was very happy with my effort, when on the way my back home I made a grave mistake.  I thought that our plane leaves at 4.30 in the afternoon, instead of 4.30 in the morning.

It was good that one of my travel companions couldn't understand the itinerary and checked out the flight details again.  I only realized my mistake when she showed me the ticket.

I expresssed my apologies to my two companions and immediately fixed our departure time with the  local guide who will bring us to the airport the next day.        

"I clarified with you if it's am or pm earlier!", he jokingly grunted while pretending to knock on my forehead with his fist.  "You were right. I'm sorry", I sheepishly answered.

When I went back to our room, my two travel buddies kept on teasing me about the mistake. I couldn't blame them. One of them was still trying to book a day tour for the next day while the other one hadn't packed her suitcase yet. "What would happen if the itinerary wasn't checked?," they asked.  "We couldn't just charge this one to experience.  We will have to charge the tickets to your bank account if ever.", they rattled on.

It became an inside joke amongst the three of us.  It would come up unexpectedly in the 28 hour journey back to Manila.

I only allowed myself to feel guilty for only one second though.  Sr. Denise Lawrence, one of the senior teachers, mentioned in her class that feeling guilty never works.  It only keeps you stuck in the situation.  "Just feel guilty for a second, that's enough time to teach you not to make the mistake again and then move forward."

That's exactly what I did and I was able to keep my happiness.

On keeping one's happiness

Everything that could go wrong did go wrong but I never let go of my happiness.

Two years ago, when I went to India I made a promise to hold on to my happiness- no matter what happens.  As if to test if I really meant this, my recent trip this year was like Ulysses' journey to Ithaca. I encountered so many monsters and challenges along the way.

Every time a situation comes up, I chant this mantra in my head over and over "I will keep my happiness. I will keep my happiness".

Series of Unfortunate Events
On our way to the airport, my travel companion was getting irritated because all the gates out of the village were closed.  We were going around in circles for 30 minutes.  We were lucky that our taxi driver was very composed.  I kept my calm too and  we arrived at the airport prior to the boarding time.

We scheduled a 2 day side trip in Bangkok.  However, we were billeted in the meditation center outside the city which makes traveling quite tedious.  Traffic in Bangkok is worse than Manila- even on a Saturday.  Though we know where to go, it was difficult to navigate around the city because of my topographical disorientation.  My other travel companions were relying on me, the map and my research.  When we ask the locals for help we cannot understand each other (most of  the locals don't speak English).  I felt though that I'm in an episode of Amazing Race but I enjoyed the adventure.  Moreover, staying in the meditation center allowed me to interact with the local students, engage in spiritual discourse and sample the local vegetarian cuisine (I only eat food prepared by raja yoga practitioners).  

When we got to India, our luggages were missing.  Our local guide said, "How inconvenient for you.".  I replied with a smiling face, "I didn't lose my happiness though".  We went back to the airport four hours after our arrival, and we were able to pick up all of our baggages.

At the academy in Mount Abu, we bathe in spiritual study and meditation for two weeks. However, our personal meeting with the most senior teacher was cancelled.  In the same way that Catholics go to the Vatican to meet the pope, students from 137 countries go to India for a single meeting with the teacher.  The 500 students from 50 countries and 25,000 students from India at that time were a little disappointed. Again, I psyched myself "whatever is happening is good".  On the day of the scheduled meeting, we were able to have an unexpected video conference with him.  It only lasted for 5 minutes but it made my journey to India complete.

The lesson
"Experience any upheaval as though you are watching a cartoon show", was the teacher's opening statement.

I was nodding my head in agreement.  I simply looked at the various situations (there were more actually that I can write a novel) and moved forward.  I did not allow it to influence me, hence, it was unable to pull my enthusiasm down.

"Why do you keep the wrong things in your heart? Why do you take something bad?", he asked.

"Don't keep these things in your heart because you have sat the Father in your heart.", he admonished.

For me, that means I have to keep my heart clean and free from the rubbish of wasteful thinking (Why is this happening? This one did this. The other one did that.).  The Almighty Father can only sit in a pure heart.  Whenever I allow anything bad to enter the space reserved for him, I shoo him away.

Lastly, he said, "Always remain happy and share happiness."

Well, I have kept my happiness and now I am sharing with you.