Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Feeling guilty doesn't work

image from www.usc.edu

Madhuban is like a hall of mirrors.  The atmosphere and the tapasya (intense meditation) allow one to look at the self squarely.

Often, I get a glimpse of my true inner beauty whilst in yoga. Sometimes, the beast inside me comes out as well.

My waterloo has always been accuracy.  I usually come to the bhattis (group meditation) and classes 5-10 minutes late.

So, in the two weeks that I was in the academy, I disciplined myself to be punctual.  I was able keep my goal 80% of the time despite my persistent cough & colds and the entertaining scenarios which suddenly pops up.

I was very happy with my effort, when on the way my back home I made a grave mistake.  I thought that our plane leaves at 4.30 in the afternoon, instead of 4.30 in the morning.

It was good that one of my travel companions couldn't understand the itinerary and checked out the flight details again.  I only realized my mistake when she showed me the ticket.

I expresssed my apologies to my two companions and immediately fixed our departure time with the  local guide who will bring us to the airport the next day.        

"I clarified with you if it's am or pm earlier!", he jokingly grunted while pretending to knock on my forehead with his fist.  "You were right. I'm sorry", I sheepishly answered.

When I went back to our room, my two travel buddies kept on teasing me about the mistake. I couldn't blame them. One of them was still trying to book a day tour for the next day while the other one hadn't packed her suitcase yet. "What would happen if the itinerary wasn't checked?," they asked.  "We couldn't just charge this one to experience.  We will have to charge the tickets to your bank account if ever.", they rattled on.

It became an inside joke amongst the three of us.  It would come up unexpectedly in the 28 hour journey back to Manila.

I only allowed myself to feel guilty for only one second though.  Sr. Denise Lawrence, one of the senior teachers, mentioned in her class that feeling guilty never works.  It only keeps you stuck in the situation.  "Just feel guilty for a second, that's enough time to teach you not to make the mistake again and then move forward."

That's exactly what I did and I was able to keep my happiness.

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