Ooops I did it again

cartoon from one.brahmakumaris.org

I mean I was able to blog daily for a whole week again.  Hooray for me!

Truth be told, I don't feel that I'm the one doing it.  I feel that I'm only the typist.  The title or the first sentence will come to me out of nowhere.  Then when I sit down and type, the next words will just flow as natural as water gushing from an opened faucet.

Most of the time, I don't know where it will bring me.  Even if I have a draft in my head, it winds down to a different path.  I, myself am amazed at the finished article.

I guess, this is what it feels to be inspired.

Paolo Coelho said in his book 'The Zahir' that when the writer's in the zone, a stream of ideas and words effuses that he could not stop typing for hours, even days.  I heard even Stephenie Meyer of 'Twilight' articulated that she just had to write the story in her head.

I'm far from these two famous writers.  I am just in awe that I'm actually experiencing the same thing.

Yesterday, I was reading through some of the older posts and I honestly didn't feel that I wrote it.  Though the interviews and experiences were very real to me, I could not claim ownership to how the story unfolded.

I have to confess that I am beginning to fall in love with being a typist.

I'll be going on a break for one whole week a day after tomorrow though.  I am most willing to continue this love affair but I'm not sure if my internet connection will work where I am going.

It's been a beautiful continuous two week run.  I will definitely keep on writing wherever I am.


P.S.  If there's anyone reading this blog, thank you for spending time with the ideas and stories here.  I hope it helps you and I would really love to hear from you.  Will keep you posted as soon as I can.

Meanderings of a soul at a crossroad

image from learnmeditationonline.org

I've learned to stop asking 
"Why is this happening?"
More often than not
The answer always comes  
Usually, not in my own set timeline



It will magically appear
When I am ready to 
Accept the situation 
Learn the lesson 
Take the next step



I confess there's this tendency 
To storm the heavens
Wrack my brain
Go to a mentor
Even escape the inevitable



Being of the  'instant age' 
I scream out loud
"I want the answers right now!"
I've forgotten there is no remote control
Like nature, everything in life has a season 



Things which ought to happen will happen
Not in my own time
But, at the right time
I have to trust that
My right will always come to me



When I'm ready

What kind of flower are you?

image from archangelsanddevas.wordpress.com

This question was asked in meditation class today.

I immediately answered, "A white rose".

A few years back, the same question was thrown at me when I was in India for a retreat.  Since, I couldn't see myself as a flower, I asked for a clue during meditation.

The answer came as I walking quietly in the campus of Gyansarovar.  The white rose called my attention amidst the numerous flowers along the sidewalk.

It's just so beautiful to behold and yet it does not boast of it's beauty.  Its fragrance also fills the air with sweetness- subtly and quietly.  Then, inspite of its seeming gentleness, it can protect itself with its thorns.  

How about you, what kind of flower are you?

Do you celebrate the small things?

image from learnmeditationonline.org

"I'm very good this week.  So far, I have perfect attendance in morning meditation class.", I enthusiastically told my friend over tea.

"Well, I am late today but I still came so kudos for me!", I added.

"What are you so happy about?  It's such a small thing.", she grunted.

"But, I celebrate small things!", I happily answered back.

I wasn't this bubbly person who sings for joy at the smallest sign of progress before.  I was this it's-all-about-the-end result kind of gal.

But, I realized that the path to self-development is a marathon- not a sprint.  If I'll only be happy when I reach my goal but too worn out and miserable during the race, I figured it's not worth it.

My monk friends from the retreat center always tell me, "Be happy now!"

It's such a simple statement yet it has so much depth.

How about you, what did you do today that's worth celebrating? 

 

Are you a referee or a wrestler?

image from learnmeditationonline.org

I sat with my Teacher early this morning.

I didn't tell Him what happened yesterday.  He instinctively knew what to say- as always.   

"Heaviness comes from sorrow", he explained.

"Sorrow comes from the vices of anger, lust, greed, attachment and ego",  he continued.

Now, I understand why I cannot stand the courtroom.  I still don't know why I had to be there though.

I did not raise my concern out loud.  Sensing my next question, He said, "How do you interact with people?  What do you give them?"

Then, it clicked in my head, in an atmosphere filled with sorrow, being irritated doesn't help.  If I remain stable in my peace though, then I help ease the heaviness.

Oopsie, I should have donated peace instead of ranting yesterday!

I think donating peace is like being a referee in a fight.  When the game becomes too intense and the rules are being bent, he intercedes and gives the two contenders some breathing space.

On the other hand, becoming influenced by the atmosphere is like participating in wrestling's royal rumble.

Next time, I encounter a similar scenario, I will remind myself that I have two choices: either be a referee or be part of the mess.





    

A day in court

image from learnmeditationonline.org

"It's such a pain!", I told my lawyer.

I don't like going to courtrooms.

Today, I had to stay there for almost half a day.  Despite the long wait, I still wasn't cross-examined.  

Aaaargh!!!

I was a witness and one of the complainants to an estafa case, you see.  The case was filed in 2008.  Six years later, nothing had been resolved.

The hearing is still going on.  I do not want to have anything to do with it anymore.  It's taking away so much time.

Did I say I don't like courtrooms?

It feels so heavy there- with all the complainants, accused, witnesses, courtroom personnels and lawyers.

I tried to escape the atmosphere filled with wretched anger, disappointments and deception.  (I'm very sensitive to vibration.)  I meditated and tried not to mind the angry inquests, the sorrowful stories and the legal battle going on.

As you can tell, I was not successful.  I came out of the room irritated that I didn't get what I came for.

I allowed the situation to rob me of my peace.  I felt that the atmosphere influenced me as well.  (And to think I had a beautiful dawn yoga and meditation class prior to the hearing!)

Now, I know I am not powerful enough to counter the stench of the atmosphere.

This day in court showed me that I still need to work on my yoga.

I will live!

image from www.bkpublications.com

I met an old friend from college and she told me, "Our friends from the States are asking about you?"  Then, she whispered, "It's about what you blog about?"

I'm not dying
I answered back, "Oh, I get it!  I think they're stuck on the part when I thought I was dying.  That's several months ago!  My doctor says it's a mere vitamin deficiency.  I will not die from a terminal illness anytime soon."  (Thank heavens!).

I'm sorry dear friends.  I don't post all my blog entries on facebook.  If you check the newer posts, you will find out that I'm ok now. Please feel free to ask me directly via mail or private message.

My take on dying
But, I completely understand you.  I think the subject of dying is really a touchy one.  That's probably why you didn't ask me upfront.

I know that people are so scared of it.

But, what if dying is actually a beautiful experience?

I think it's like riding a rollercoaster.  If you cling on to the railings like a rock when it goes downhill, it feels like your heart has been transported down to your tummy (or in extreme cases, to your foot). That's very heavy.  But, if you raise both your hands (a.k.a. surrender), enjoy the ride, and think that you're tiny star going back to your home of bright red-orange light where your Father the purest and brightest star welcomes you, it's very liberating.

Why people are afraid of dying
Anthea Church articulates it best when she says that it's scary because people hold on to their costume very tightly.  By costume she means, the body and all it's attached possessions, relationships and roles.

I feel that a lot of us have forgotten that the world is a simply a stage.  An each one of us will have to exit it at a certain point.  Nothing scary there.        

Write Daily

image from http://www.bkpublications.com

It came as a soft whisper and then it got louder and louder.  "Write daily", the voice said.

It is not something on my to-do list or even on my bucket list.  I have so many other things on my plate right now.

However, for over a month now, almost everywhere I look at and everyone I talk to, I get the same message, write daily.

Last Sunday, I finally relented.

"Ok, I will do it!  But, let me try it out for a week.", I told that One who is inspiring me.

Today marks the 7th day.

I did it! Hooray!

It wasn't as hard as I thought.  In fact, it helped me be more mindful during the day and keen on picking the jewels- lessons learned, virtues practiced & experiences gained.

It was actually a beautiful experience.

I am set to do one more run this week- this time I'm looking forward to it. :)

I am what I think

image from http://www.learnmeditationonline.org

I watched an amateur hockey game between 8 year old JJ and 6 year old Ravi today.  Both were very competitive and determined to win.  JJ was psyching himself the whole time during the game.  He was talking to himself very loudly.  He was saying, "I will win this thing" over and over.  Ravi on the other hand was very focused on the defense.  He tried to score but most of the time he was simply blocking JJ from hitting the goal.  His chant was "no, no, no" the whole time.

Can you guess who won?

It was the boy who kept saying "I will win this thing."  

I feel that it's the same thing in the game of life.  The one who has a positive self-talk wins.

Watching these two kids play served as a checkpoint for me.    

I asked myself, " What do you think during crunch time?  Do you say 'I can do this!' or 'It's too big a task for little old me?'  Do you believe that you can actually make things happen or do you still doubt yourself?"

I realized that what I tell myself repeatedly matters a LOT.  

It's the one determining factor which will clinch if I will be in the winning or losing end.

My two words for the day

image from http://www.learnmeditationonline.org

Open space.

I worked in the clinic today.  When the session ended, the mom told her friend who does akashic reading (a.k.a. seer in my vocabulary) "Teacher Karen, switched him on.  He (pertaining to her 2 year old son) began to talk when he started his occupational therapy".

The seer replied, "Because she's an open space.  He feels comfortable around her."

I swear there is a science behind what I do.  But, I just love this explanation.

I am an open space.

If ever I'll have an epitaph, I will have these words inscribed and nothing else.

She is an open space.

For Teacher Sheila

from http://radiantsunleapingheart.wordpress.com

Before you go
Please leave instructions on how to be a bad cop
I've been a good cop for so long
I've forgotten how to be the tough one
I'm not sure if the kids in our class will respond to my stare


How many times did we say good bye?
Let me count the ways
I guess, we've just been so used to having you around
And pleasantly happy at that
We want you to know that you'll surely be missed


Do you know why it's so easy to organize your parties?
Let me tell you in on a secret
So many people love you
I merely need to say it's your thing
And they come running



Well, you've always been there for friends
You'll attend the most boring party
Finish a late meeting so you can give someone a ride
Fly off somewhere to simply offer company
And, even organize a funeral! (not mine, just so we're clear)  


Why am I writing about you, you may ask?
Because, I'm really really grateful
To have you as a mentor and then a friend
And since you're boarding the plane tomorrow
You won't have time to rant about this


Well, I didn't say
That you once told us, "You weren't loved"
110% that is, but you were loved completely and fully
And I didn't tell anyone
who we made fun of during your despedida



Ok, I think I should stop now
See you soon!

I met a business monk

image from http://www.bkpublications.com

I have this notion that only those who stay in the meditation centers are monks- not true.  

Recently, I met an owner of a pharmaceutical company who is a monk, too!  (I call raja yoga meditation volunteers/teachers monks.)  

The monk
"Don't rush.  You're here to take a break.", she said to my co-facilitator whom she hired for her company's team-building.  It was 7.30am and our program begins exactly at that time and she told her to sit down and finish her coffee!

Prior to that, she was cooking breakfast for us and I went to her cottage to inform her not to bother because we have already eaten.  She gently motioned that she'll speak to me later.  I noted down that she behaves like the sisters in the centers.  

You see, for raja yoga practitioners, food preparation is considered sacred, done in silence and filled with loveful vibrations.

Also, like the monks I hang out with, she had a simple yet profound take on things.  I told her that I tried munching on cayenne pepper like she advised (as per her metabolic doctor's orders) but couldn't really take it.  "It's so hot", I explained.  "Sssh...don't even say the word", she admonished.  "It's just mind over matter."      

The mother
She is Ellen (she refused to have her full name mentioned), the mother of Prosel, a pharmaceutical company she and her husband built for 31 years. 

Her gentleness and strength permeates the company's culture, as well.  

When I spoke to her company's medical representatives they reported that doctors call them angels (the same as the company's logo).  

They never hard sell because the company values relationship more than sales.  Moreover, they do not compete with other pharmaceutical companies or even amongst themselves, instead they cooperate and collaborate.

I also saw just how much she values people and how much they love her back.  On our way back home, she insisted that she sends us off to the bus terminal.  Along the way, we came across their executive secretary and she asked her if she wants to tag along.  Without hesitation, she said yes and climbed the van.  The secretary would speak to her comfortably like she is an old friend- not a boss.  I was also surprised when our guide, their sales manager in Batangas, confided to her (while in the car) about his need for attention which stems back from his childhood.

The gist
I have been exposed to the corporate world and it is a dog eat dog world.  This monk, however, has managed to build a family within the company.  That's really astounding!          

Gossiping Hurts

image from http://www.actsofgoodness.org

If you've been reading this blog then you know that I am writing for myself and not for anybody else. You also know that my goal is to become a better version of myself.  But, sometimes I still make mistakes.

Well, I have a confession to make.  

I gossiped! 

It happened a week ago at a party.  People were talking about this particular girl.  She had some quirks you see. And, she left the party earlier (that's why people had the chance to talk about her).

I was not very much involved in the conversation (or was I?).  I couldn't really remember (I think it's the denial that's kicking in).  But what I do know is that, it was actually quite enjoyable to talk about another person (promise, i rarely do this).  People were imitating her and making all sorts of jokes about her.  I was hysterically laughing with them, my tummy hurts.

Now, I understand why gossiping has become a favorite hobby of people.  It's really entertaining to laugh at others.

But, that night I could not sleep though I my eyelids were heavy and my body was really tired.  I knew I made a mistake.

Yes, I refuse to hurt animals (i'm vegetarian because I am for non-violence) but I realize that I threw invisible daggers at this girl when I joined in the conversation.  

Yes, that's what happens when we talk about others behind their backs, we throw daggers at them and dirty their faces (Can you really see the object of the gossip in the same way after talking about her?).  We hurt them.  But, we also hurt ourselves because we move away from our true nature- that of om (peace).    

Also, it's a total waste of time.  When I gossip, I take time away for my introspection and dharna (practice of virtues).  Moreover, I allow garbage to permeate my mind (that's why I feel heavy).

Note to self:  Never ever gossip.  Though it's good while it lasts, it's bad for your spiritual progress (and sleep).

Let her be

image from http://www.learnmeditationonline.org

I asked my friend who's a vegetarian chef why the caldereta (vegetarian- of course!) is extra yummy.  She said, "The key is in simmering.  The flavors of all the ingredients come together when you cook it in low fire for a long time."

I think it is the same with self-development.  It doesn't happen overnight.  It takes time for one to understand and then embody everything.

A lot of those who meditate do so to change old habits, patterns of thinking and behavior.  

Today, a friend commented, "She's been meditating for the longest time and yet she hasn't changed".  

I think some people need longer time to work on their sankaras (patterns) than others.  They may have gone through tougher situations.  Going back to the cooking analogy, a carrot will take a longer time to soften than a malunggay leaf.  Some souls simply need longer simmering time than others.  

I told my friend , "Let her be.  Let's give her the space that she needs."  

Expectations will never ever help anyone move forward.  As they say, a watched pot never boils.

Yoga 101

image from http://www.learnmeditationonline.org

"Discuss what is subtle attachment and how it pulls you away during yoga.", instructed a senior teacher as she ended the meditation class.

We immediately grouped into threes and talked.

"What do you think about it?", asked classmate 1.

"I really have no clue.", I said.

"I think subtle attachment is anything good which turns out bad because it's not used in a right way.", offered classmate 2.  "For example, my talents and skills are good.  I can use it to serve others but if my ego inflates because I have all of these then it's not good."

"The key is in checking the intention and motive.", supplied classmate 1.  "That's why it is subtle."

"Oh, I get it!  So, even if what I'm doing is good, take the non-profit organization I'm working on for  example, if I get too engrossed in it that it interferes with my yoga then it's not good."  (I hardly remember anyone in meditation but ideas sometimes pull me because I enjoy tossing it to and fro in my mind.)

You see, yoga means connection.  In order to connect, one has to disconnect with everything and with  everyone first.  You forget the world (at least during meditation). Then, you step into your original form and afterwards you fly above (with your mind, that is).

It's like traveling solo in a secret hideaway!  You have to leave everything and everyone else behind.  For me, it's the best me-time ever!     

Oh happy day!

image from www.facebook.com/SpecialAchievers

I was (almost) whistling & skipping while walking on my way back home- grateful that my 11am patient cancelled and happy that I have 2 hours lunchtime (I live 2 blocks from my work place).  In my head, I was running down all the other things which I am thankful for when I stepped on poop.

My mind came to a screeching halt.  It just stopped.  No questions.  No irritation. I instinctively knew that I simply have to get the dirt out of my shoes, otherwise it will stink.

It took me a minute or two to iron the mess.  Then, I immediately continued my happy journey back home.

I think that going through any challenge is like stepping on poop.  Whether it's big or small, it changes the smooth flow of things.

If I don't deal with it, it will stink and follow me (sadly, everywhere I go) but if I'm brave enough to face it, then it's no big deal.  However, if I allow it to disturb me, it can me throw me off balance.

For me, the keys to maintaining my om (peace) in any situation are resilience and stability.  How fast can I go back to my center even when unexpected things happen?  Do I allow the situation to shuffle me or do I hold on to my happiness?  

Frankly, it's my daily meditation drills which help me build the power to face any poop I might step on in life (I also understand that it may be praying for some, laughter therapy for others and even morning runs for a few).

Just ruminating. ;)

How about you, what helps you cope?






         

Why is it that when I try to help out another person I end up helping myself?

photo from http://www.servicespace.org

I visited my 66 year old friend today.  I came with an agenda- persuade her to lie down on her bed.

You see, she fell on the floor when she suddenly stood up from her bed one dawn.  It took her 8 hours to get her bearing back.  Her left arm and leg were badly bruised and since then she has never slept on her bed again.

So, she has been sleeping upright- while sitting down, for a month now.  Her legs, feet and ankles are all swollen due to this.  To make the matter worse, she lives alone and refuses to give up her independence.

I came in prepared.  I brought the doctor's prescription (Lie down).  I also showed her the complications of inflammation and simple remedies to alleviate it (No. 1 of which is to elevate the leg while lying down).  None of it worked.  My last resort was to call an orthopedic doctor (who also happens to be a friend) and let him talk her into it.

She told him, "My world whirls around when I lie down.  That is what I am afraid of."

He said, "Just go through it. It will pass".

And that's the exact prescription I need for the day! "Just go through it. It will pass".

It happens all the time, whenever I try to help another person, I end up helping myself.



  

On losing my religion

cartoon by Lalaine Navarro

My little brother and I are in the cab on our way back home when out of nowhere he tells me. "Ate (older sister), you know I hate it when people conclude that you've changed religion just because you're vegetarian now."

I don't know where this conversation is going so I simply listen to his tirade.  "I researched about Buddhism (which really means he just googled it) and what I learned is that they hate money.  They're dirt poor.  So, I gather that you're not a monk!, he exclaims.

I try hard not to laugh. (I love their principles but I am not Buddhist, he just assumed it because I meditate.) If things are as simple as black and white (and if everything on the net is true), then he can be right.

However, being vegetarian may either be a preference or a choice.  It doesn't necessarily mean, one has changed religion.

As for religion, I think that it's more than following a set of rituals.  I always tell my mom (who's a little bothered about my new lifestyle) that I am a better Catholic now that I meditate.  I don't just pray. I also put in time to listen to Him in silence.

As for Buddhists hating money, it's definitely false.  I have Buddhist friends who own large businesses.  (Dearest brother, research does not end by reading a page on the web. You have to talk to the real deal and confirm it).

Also, please know that money is not evil.  Priests, nuns, missionaries, monks, imams, preachers and even saints need this paper to get material goods (which is necessary for living).  It is just like a knife, you can use it for cooking food or for hurting another person (or an animal- which I can't do that's why I don't eat them).

Just pleading my case. :)


P.S.  Regarding the image.  I don't love meat.  My siblings leave stuff like that on my computer to taunt me. Oh well...