I am what I think

image from http://www.learnmeditationonline.org

I watched an amateur hockey game between 8 year old JJ and 6 year old Ravi today.  Both were very competitive and determined to win.  JJ was psyching himself the whole time during the game.  He was talking to himself very loudly.  He was saying, "I will win this thing" over and over.  Ravi on the other hand was very focused on the defense.  He tried to score but most of the time he was simply blocking JJ from hitting the goal.  His chant was "no, no, no" the whole time.

Can you guess who won?

It was the boy who kept saying "I will win this thing."  

I feel that it's the same thing in the game of life.  The one who has a positive self-talk wins.

Watching these two kids play served as a checkpoint for me.    

I asked myself, " What do you think during crunch time?  Do you say 'I can do this!' or 'It's too big a task for little old me?'  Do you believe that you can actually make things happen or do you still doubt yourself?"

I realized that what I tell myself repeatedly matters a LOT.  

It's the one determining factor which will clinch if I will be in the winning or losing end.

I'm Sorry, Self

I had my first acupuncture session today.  My acupuncturist told me that my pain is related to stress or anger.  I knew that it's definitely not anger because I'm basically just chill and I think I've gotten too old to get mad.  By elimination, the culprit must be stress.    

So, I began scolding myself.  "How can you be stressed when you just work for 4 days?  And no! you don't work!  You just play with kids!...You don't have the right!  You meditate at dawn and dusk and every chance you can get in between...You've simplified your life to a hilt, there's really nothing to be worried about."

On and on it went until I understood what caused the stress- the negative self-talk.  True, I've stopped complaining about other people (80-90% of the time) but at times, I can still be hard on myself.  I would berate myself for missed targets and failed attempts.

Feeling guilty doesn't works so says Sr. Denise.  I think it works like a  superglue, cementing the feet of my intellect (the part of me which makes decision) on the ground that's why I feel stuck.  Complaining about anything, even about myself takes my happiness away.  It's like a dark cloud covering my sun, a rain on my parade.

Sorry self.  Sometimes, I act like an uncompromising grown-up who blows up when circumstances don't go her way.  Well, things happen.  It's ok.  Just look at the bright side and keep on moving forward!  

 

Let The Past Be The Past

When the blue flu hits me, I mope, sing, listen to songs, converse with God or write to myself.  Hmmm...I feel I need a pep talk right now, so here goes...

Dearest  K,

          You   are   so   lovely!   Sweetie,  you  are  wonderful.   You   are  very, very,  very  special.   You  know  that,  right?   You  are  the  best and you deserve  only  the  best.  I understand   that  you  cannot  quite  see  that right  now.  But   believe  me,  you  are  a  gem!   You’re   still   in   the  process   of   becoming   a   diamond   hence   the   pressure   and   the  mess.   I  wish   I  can   spare   you   the   pain   but  it  is   crucial   that  you   go   through   this   so   you   can   be   the   jewel   that   you   truly are.   Just   keep  on   moving   forward   and   you’ll   get  to   where   you want   to   be .  And  never   ever   look   back.   Just   place   one   foot   after  the   other  and   walk   towards   your  dream.   I’ll   see  you  really, really  soon!

          I  love  you!                                             

           

                                                                    Yours  ‘til the sun shines,

                                                                          your perfect self