White Lady

Painting by Marina Petro 

I was eating dinner by my lone self in a huge hall (imagine a portion of Hogwarts dining hall, uhmm...more or less a quarter of it).  I only switched on the bulb directly above me and kept the corridor lights dim.

Adjacent the area is the foyer enclosed by a glass window which allowed me to view the garden outside.  I caught a glimpse of someone in white moving in the garden.  "That's weird", I thought.  I knew that everybody's meditating upstairs.  I squirmed on my seat to directly face the window 5 feet away.  The lady in white stared at me.  I quickly shifted my position and turned away.  In my peripheral view, I saw the lady move as well.  I faced the window again.  She did the same.  At this point, I was amazed that I'm not shrieking my lungs out.  (Has meditating made me this calm?)  Slowly, I moved closer and looked intently to gaze at my own face reflected on the glass window.

I realized that in life, the scariest thing of all is facing my own shadow.  Before, I would do all sorts of things to escape it- play, party, work, sleep, watch tv, work some more.  When I'm alone, the thoughts of what happened, what could have been, what if, and what will happen just kept on coming.  I would drown the voice in my head with incessant busyness or sleep to escape.

It's easier to just move away from it.  Or so I thought.

The issues just kept on piling up and and sooner or later it hounded me.  End result, my life got stuck then it spiralled down.  I felt lost and empty.  When I hit rock bottom, I turned to spirituality.

There, I learned how to face my own demons, hold it by its horns, and purl it around before throwing it into oblivion.  End result:  a significant decrease of baggage thus I now tread through life lightly and happily as I focus on what really matters.  

This too shall pass

I can emphatically deliver this line while looking out to nowhere (for more dramatic effect) or I can excitedly exclaim, "What's my present?!".

My meditation teacher says, "After the storm there's a gift".  Experience tells me that it's true.  So, everytime I am facing a challenge, I am more cheerful than gloomy.  "Why do I feel that you are happy that you are going through this?", asked a friend after I shared to her.

Why not?  I often come out stronger and better after an upheaval.  For me, it's always been a gift.

Just like the gloomy sky. The dark clouds will cover the sun and the clear bright sky but it will soon pass, leaving the horizon more radiant than ever before.

I always look forward to the brighter sky and am not just waiting for the dark clouds to disappear.  

I watched the rain today

I was in the garden of the retreat center when the foreboding signal of rain came- cold breeze and gloomy sky.  I was crossed between going back inside or staying on the sofa outside to watch the impending downpour.  I chose the latter.  While waiting, I realized that I haven't watched the rain for the longest time (probably around a decade).  Just as soon as the thought came, as if on cue, the rain  gently fell to the ground for a good 20 seconds.  Nothing spectacular happened.  The raindrops touched the ground in its usual linear pattern.

The garden I watered last week was different though (I volunteer in the center on my weekends).  The dry brownish grass with a splash of green had turned into a green carpet with a sprinkle of brown.  The plants looked happier in their more vibrant colors and the flowers were in bloom. (It's been raining for a week, I've heard.)

After scanning the garden, I couldn't help but look up to see where the rain came from.

I hope that I could be like the rain.  It's short presence (for a week) had made the garden more beautiful and made me remember to look up to the Source.

My wish is that you be the same as the rain too, connected to the One, a blessing for others and a reminder for them to look above.          

Pasalubong from India

At least once in your life, you will have an epiphany.  Mine happened a year ago, when I was sitting amidst a crowd of 20,000 in India.  I felt God's love.  He loved me fully, completely, and so deeply that I need nothing more.  I truly experienced that the whole world- the earth and the sky belong to me.

Surprisingly, I also felt that He loves the one sitting beside me and the one at the far end of the assembly as much as He loves me- as full, as deep, as complete.

In a second, I understood how unlimited and unconditional God is.  And from then on, I strive to do the same- love everybody. 

So, in my recent trip to India this year, I was inspired to bring gifts (pasalubong in Filipino) for everyone.

You see, whenever, I stay for 2 weeks in Madhuban, also known as the Brahma KumarisWorld Spiritual University Headquarters, I share some of my reflections to my friends back home.  Here is one those letters.

This was sent to Monday, 28 March, 2011, 11:05 PM

Om Shanti.  Greetings of peace from Mount Abu, Rajasthan India.  
I just e-mailed to let you all know that I am fine.  More than fine, actually.  I really am enjoying the inner journey.  

I thought that coming here is a retreat from everything else.  I was wrong. The trip exposed my weaknesses.  And I had to face, accept, and change it. I now understood why people are afraid of silence.  It is because you actually confront yourself in silence.  My fears, hurts, and darkness  came out and I had to make it disappear by really looking deep deep inside.  And clearing things with myself.  It was hard work but I came out with a clear mind and a clean heart.  And then, I realized how beautiful I truly really am.  And so, it's easier to connect to God (The Good, the Truth, and The Beautiful). 

I hope I can bring you all here to experience it. Will send love and light from here for now. See you in a few days.

Love & Light,

Karen

P.S. They say, yogis levitate. It's true and false. It is really when you feel so happy and so light that the soul can fly.     

This time, I want to give everyone this simple gift- a compilation of some of my realizations, experiences, and reflections during my recent stay in Madhuban, India.

The University in Video
Part 2. Inspired by the real life spiritual experience by Geofferey Wallace, former VP of The Chase Manhattan Bank N.A.

The Kundalini Rising

After 4 days:  2 four-hour plane rides, 2 stop overs, a 12 hour train ride, and a 1 hour bus ride, I finally set foot on the headquarters of the Brahma Kumaris Meditation Center in Mount Abu, or Madhuban as we fondly call it.  I felt instantly refreshed upon entering, as if I didn’t go through that long journey. 

I am so excited to attend the classes, go to my favorite meditation spots, and simply be with the international family.  But for the next  2 days I couldn’t.  I could only attend the early morning meditation and the first class.   Then, I’d sleep the rest of the day.  I would only wake up for meals and would be too tired to do anything else after that.  I felt that my hyperactive spirit is jailed inside my frail body.  And I couldn’t do anything but will to the body.

Or so I thought.  On the third day, an angel (a sister from the Philippines) told me what was happening.  She said that a disease is a mere message that my spirit is not at ease (dis ease- got it?).  My spirit wishes to burst forth but there are blockages, hence the physical illness.  That means my sickness is only a manifestation of a desonance of the body and spirit.  Thank God!  I really thought I’m going to die in Madhuban- that’s how weird I feel.  (Side note: I do want to die here but I wouldn’t hear the end of it from those closest to me- like I can still hear them if I do die.  Plus I don’t want to burden my companions.  It’s difficult enough to drag their bags along the 4 day journey back home.  How will they manage a dead body?)

So, let’s go back to me not dying.  She said this is what you call the kundalini rising.  For me, the image is that of the rising of the phoenix.  The old bird dies and from its ashes springs forth the powerful and mystical bird.  Since I’m fixated on dying, she finally relented that I may die in a sense that the old me dies so the brand new me emerges. Very dramatic, eh?  However, the work involve is painstaking.  5 days after hearing it, I’m still working on making the shift which will help me reach the phoenix status.  This means, I still am bed bound for at least 2 hours (I’m quite hyperactive and this is a real punishment for me).

"I need to shift. I need to shift. I need to shift!!!" 

The angel told me that I have to figure out what shift I needed to bring in my life.  I have to pinpoint and eventually stop that which does not work in my life anymore.  And only do the things which are aligned to my spirit.  It’s a hit and miss she says.  And it could be a long process.  It took her two years.

I’m partly writing to see if this can be my hit- that thing which will help my kundalini rise.

more info on healing           

I Don’t Want to Lose My Happiness

Those were the words of my travel companion, who lost her luggage, on the first leg of our journey to India  (our route: from Manila fly to KL, Malaysia & ; fly to New Delhi, India &; train ride to Abu road & ; then bus to the university on Mount Abu).  She spoke to me calmly as if nothing happened. 

She related that a similar incident occurred to one of our classmates in meditation some few years back.  While she was sound asleep on the night train, everything was stolen from her- luggage, hand carry bag, passport, and money.  Angry and upset, she went to the dadis (senior sisters) to report what happened as soon as she arrived in the university. 

The first thing one dadi asked her was, “Did you lose your happiness also?”

In one class, Baba, our main guru (teacher) said that it is the duty of the situation to come and my responsibility to pass the situation.

He elaborated that any situation is simply a test. Asking,  Why this happened?  How could you this happen to me? or reacting negatively- getting angry, or depressed will never make any circumstance right.

“If problems come what I have to do is to keep my intellect clear so I know what to do in those situations”, shared Didi Nirmala, the university’s Asia-Pacific coordinator.

Accepting whatever is in front of me and responding to it in the most beautiful manner will make me pass the test with honors. 

My travel companion never got back her luggage.  She had to buy few items from the market, borrow luggage, accept hand me downs, and wash her clothes every single day in our 2 weeks stay in Mount Abu.  I never heard a single complaint from her.  She held on to her happiness and passed her test with flying colors.

The Case of the Thermal Pyjamas

There are times when I feel that God is my loving Father ( in other times He can be my Mother, my Friend, my Beloved ).  So if I need anything from Him, I only need to ask.  Not in a begging sort of way, like “Please God, Please God, Please God give me this”.  But I talk to Him like a child who has a right to his property.

So, one fine cold day on the mountain top, I told Him.  “You know, I came here so I can be closer to you (This particular mountain is so magical for me that I forget the world when I’m there and I can just focus on myself and my relationship with the Supreme Soul) but I didn’t know it would so cold here, can you please send me a pair a thermal clothes.  Add in a pair of socks, too.” 

I waited.  (Since God is the perfect parent I always feel that He’ll just take care of me.)  But no clothes came.  He sent the sun instead.

It’s funny how I look at God ordinarily.  He is God after all (with a capital G), so it’s just easy for Him to send the sun.  Why would he send a pair of pyjamas when He could send the yellow ball from the heavens to give me warmth?

The Angry Bird Followed Me to India

I don’t like angry birds because they’re silly.  They use themselves as canons in their war against the pigs (angry bird game).  So, they die whether they hit their target or not and eventually leave their chicks orphaned (if ever they succeed in rescuing the eggs).

Such is anger, it makes birds and people alike illogical.  

But, I don’t want to write about anger.  I’d like to shed light on dislike, a close relative of anger. 

They say that the law of attraction allows one to manifest whatever it is he truly desires.  If I think about it ardently, it will come. Consequently, it's possible to call forth what I don’t like (since I think of it as well).  Dislike is a strong energy which is sometimes even greater than wanting.

A friend gave me an angry bird hat to bring to India.  I left it.  I didn’t like angry birds, remember?  Incidentally, that friend went to India also and brought the bird with her.  She thought I forgot it.  The bird literally flew around 3,000 miles to come to me (2,961 miles if you want to be exact).

And I had to wear it! (It's an angry bird bonnet.) It turned out to be really cold at night (during the first week) and I didn’t pack a headgear.  Since, it was my nightly companion, I decided to make peace with the bird.  "What can I do if it’s angry?  I cannot change it.  It is what it is. The only thing I can change is my perception of it.   I don’t have to be irritated, feel bad, or even react to it."

Bro. Nirwair, a senior yogi based in India, shared in his class, “what is right is right and what is wrong is also right”. 

Life is a drama.  It is inherent in the plot that heroes and heroines come across the protagonists and villains.  And the heroes can only become who they truly are if they win over the bad guys. 

    

In this case, it’s as simple as accepting their existence. ( I'm the hero, the angry bird's the villain.  Got it? )

  

Practice Not Caring

I heard this many years back from an angel seer.  He claimed that angels talk to him and asked him to spread this message.  He didn’t expound.  And I didn’t understand what he meant.

Now, I do.   A senior yogi mentioned in class yesterday that one obstacle in following the spiritual path is imagination.  “This one didn’t look at me so she must not like me.”  “This one didn’t see me, she didn’t even say hello.”  “He didn’t smile back to me, he must be angry at me.”  These are wasteful thoughts which blocks me from moving forward.

Anthea Church in her book Inner Beauty has this to say, “When someone talks to you, you are not necessarily the focus of their attention but they are bringing with them a hundred other thoughts and concerns. You are only a foothold on their way.”

She explains that there is a wrong notion that “I“am the center of the universe so every little thing is about me.

In practical life, if someone shouts at me, she must be having a bad day and is just projecting it at me.  I don’t have to take the insult and feel bad.  She must be feeling very low and thinks that dumping it on others will help.  And if someone praises me to no end, I check if I take it in, such that my head becomes bigger.   

I call this reacting.  I’ll only smile when she smiles.  It is allowing another’s behavior dictate how I will feel and then act based on that.  Can I not smile at someone who has darting eyes and crumpled face?  Why do I have to let go of my peace just because the other person is angry?  I don’t need to stop being happy just so I can join the grumpy bandwagon.

For me, it is also not minding the things which do not really concern me.  This one did this.  The other one responded this way.  This thing happened.  Why do I want to get involved in unnecessary talk or gossip when it only grabs time away from attending to my personal growth?

It is also caring too much about what other people will think or say such that it paralyzes me to inaction or makes me do something I really don't really intend to do.   " I shouldn’t do this because they’ll just laugh at me." or  "I’ll do this because my friends want me to.".  Where has my self-respect gone?

Practice not caring, a very wise advise.

How come 2-year olds can say it without batting an eyelash and I couldn’t even utter the word?  What’s my issue?  Is it my fear of rejection? My need to please others?  My non-argumentative nature?

It’s a simple situation really.  I’m travelling back home with 4 other companions.  We have 8 hours to burn before the next flight.  Three of them want to go out of the airport and leave their luggage behind with the 2 of us who plan to stay and rest.  I am uncomfortable with the idea but I didn’t say anything.

They hulled the luggage to the next terminal while I stubbornly stayed and continued to leisurely eat my breakfast.  I thought they’d get it that I do not want to be responsible for their things.  They didn’t. 

My fault was not saying anything.  I refused to face the situation.  So, I ended up with the situation I didn’t like (being one of the the luggage caretakers).  Either way, it was lose-lose for me.  

Moral lesson of the story:  Be courageous enough to say NO (diplomatically) if I’m not comfortable with a situation.