Not thinking works!

photo from Special Achievers

                                                   
It's true what my monk friends admonish, whatever is your right will come to you.

The same day I posted that article I receive a call to help facilitate a team building session for a pharmaceutical company.  My mind says I am not qualified but my instinct says go for it.

Since I've been practicing 'not thinking' lately, I said yes.  I am glad I did.

On our way to the event, we fetched the owner of the company at the airport.  She was a classmate in meditation but we never really got the chance to sit down and talk prior to this meeting.  She was very warm and showed interest in the non-profit organization for persons with disability I co-founded with  3 other colleagues.

"I received the orange bag as a gift and  I love it!" she exclaimed. 

She then asked about our artists, how they discovered their gifts and how focusing on their strengths help them.

By the end of our conversation, she had a brilliant idea, "How about we showcase 18 artworks of children with disability in the company's calendar which will be distributed to doctors all over the Philippines and meditation students across the globe". 

"I want to see angels, flowers, even abstract designs", she excitedly shared.  "Let them paint or draw whatever they want to".

"My theme for this project is from thorns to flowers.  Until now, some people still could not embrace those who are different.  Let us emphasize their greatness!  They are flowers not thorns.  Let's show the world what these special children can do."

I wanted to jump up and down in the moving car right there and then.  You see, our organization can only afford to feature 2 special achievers a year and she's giving us an opportunity to put a spotlight on the creativity and artistry of 18 kids this year!  Moreover, the company would take care of the production and distribution.   

Thank you very much, PROSEL for this beautiful collaboration.

I'm so glad, I trusted my guts and did not over think.


Postscript:  If you have a disability or know someone with special needs who has a portfolio of artworks, please feel free to send at least 3 pictures (or more) of his/her masterpieces at Differently Special Achievers Movement with a short description of the artist and his/her talent on or before July 16, 2014. Thank you.          

'Whatever is your right will come to you'

image from http://barakadefoto.com

I enjoy hanging out with monks.  They have a very simple yet profound take on things.

"How will I know the right path for me?", I asked Sister Sushila, the coordinator of the retreat center I volunteer in during my weekends.  She gave me a one-liner , "Choose that one which makes you happy".

I was waiting for a long lecture but she didn't say anything else.

My heart tells me that it is the right thing to do but my left brain wants to get to the how-to's.

So, I  posed the same query to Sister Natalie (the same one I had a chit chat with the other time).  Her reply was shorter, "Do not think."

These monks are driving me crazy.  I went to them for answers but I end up asking more questions, such as "How do you do that?!"

"Just flow", she said.  "Just as the water from the river follows the jagged path until it reaches the ocean".

For a week, I've been pondering about the idea of 'not thinking' until Sister Agnes, the resident in the meditation center in Manila unknowingly blurted out the magic words.  In her usual upbeat voice and smiling face (sometimes, I mistake her for a clown) she enthusiastically related, "Karen, whatever is your right will come to you!".

In that instant, all the puzzle pieces fit.

I don't have to split my head thinking about the future because if I'm ready the next track will present itself.  I always hear the line "When the student is ready the teacher will appear".  In the same way, if I am happy with where I am at the moment, the right path will surface.  It is best to accept how things are (a.k.a. flow).  Overthinking and discontentment serve as a fog which covers the roads I have to choose from.  When it has dissipated then it is easy to make the right decision because I can clearly see which road truly makes me happy.

My monk friends are right, it doesn't take rocket science.  I simply have to just be and 'whatever is my right will come to me'.

Dearest Papa

I seriously doubt you'll read this

You never go online 

Still, I want to tell the world 

How awesome you are

So here goes...

Thank you for teaching me 

How to find joy in the simplest of things.  

I bought you a toothbrush once

Couldn't forget how you showed it off to mama

As though you received a gold watch  

And, you've always believed in my ideas

No matter how crazy it may seem

When I told you about yogic agriculture

In an instant you said, "I'll have a nipa hut built for you"

"So, you can meditate in the middle of the farm"

When I was into organic stuff

You drove for me until we reached the mountain

Where the natives live and process their produce

The whole family thought it's something I'll start but never finish

But,  you simply allowed me to go through this phase

And you support me, inspite of my absurdities 

When I told you that I want to be a monk

You didn't say anything

Instead, you gave me a land title

And said I can get my share

I've never heard "it can't be done" from you

You always let me dream

And you will accompany me even to the ends of the earth to pursue it

You always tell me that I'm great

Even when I can't see it

Whenever, I go home you'll always be at the pier to pick me up

And when I'm down and out, you say "It'll pass"

I must have done something right to deserve a dad as wonderful as you

I will forever thank God for putting you in my life

To my number one fan, Happy Father's Day! 

Chit-Chat with a Monk

How does one become like you?, I asked a monk. 

Simple, do not have any desires, she answered back.

How do you do that?!, I exclaimed (what I really meant was, Is that even possible?)

My disbelief did not ruffle her calm countenance at all.  In a soft and gentle voice, she replied.  I ask myself, what is important in this life?  For me, this is the time to give back all the attainments that I receive from God so I serve.

What attainments?, I queried.

Happiness, contentment, security. 

How about financial security?, I followed up.

Yes, I think of that too, sometimes.  You know the organization does not take care of my personal needs (or even medical bills).  But, I do not worry because whenever I need something, it comes without me asking.

She is a big lady, still quite young- probably in her early forties.  She is wearing faded jeans and over-sized shirt at the time of the (informal) interview.  She does not look like a nwassi (center resident) of a spiritual community but her face betrays her.  She has a huge smile plastered on her face, an aura of both wisdom and humility and a distinct twinkle in her eyes.    

Wherever you are, whatever you do, what's important is you're happy.  That goes for everyone- regardless of gender, age, position, or race., she continued.

The only thing I give here is my skill in baking and cooking- that's all.  I'm very happy to do that.

I commented, I tried to cook in the center once. (as you might have known, I am a monk wannabe)  It's not easy because I have to pay close attention to my thoughts.  I know that whatever I'm thinking and feeling will go into the food and will affect those who will eat it. What you do is not at all simple.

If I think, I'm responsible every time I go inside the kitchen that will create tension.  I choose to think that I'm simply the sous chef and God is the master chef.  (Hence, she's not the one in-charge. He is.)

Also, when you say this has to be done in a certain way, there's some force in it.  You mold yourself according to a certain standard.  It's better to be natural about it.  

I didn't know that I am some kind of a constipated jerk until I heard that.  I want to be like this. I want to do that.  Yes, material possessions do not tag me but to-do lists and plans still pull me.

Sensing that I'm berating myself, she advised.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  Just continue to be who you are wherever you are.  She reiterated, Be natural.

We both travel the same path to self-enlightenment.  She's definitely eons ahead of me.  

I continued our Q & A. What about the future?

What about the future?, she answered back.  

I've heard that monks are distant from the world. Today, I just experienced it. 

I Forgive You

image from http://www.sodahead.com

When I was young, when I ask for something and forget an important word, my parents always ask.  "What's the magic word?"  Now, that I get to borrow little ones for an hour or two, it's my turn to query them whenever they fail to remember the "magic word".


Since I've been studying how to become a better human being, I found out that there's not one abracadabra but a whole set of encyclopedia of it.  Some words heal a broken spirit while other phrases keep one soaring high.  There are simple sentences which melt the heart and some strong utterances which can ward off people possessed by evil spirits (of greed, anger, jealousy and the like).  There are expressions which paint a smile on faces and sincere declarations which wipe out tears.


I've long been searching for a powerful spell to cure my current affliction (for around a month now).  I have scoured the keeper of wisdom (bookstore).   I have asked the wizard of the 21st century (google) and grilled my trusted allies (friends)-  all for naught.



Today, I found the answer in the burrow of my heart.  "I forgive myself.  I forgive you."

                                                             

I'm still angry

image from https://www.bioit.com

Sometimes, I'm ok
At other times, I'm not
Like a pendulum
I swing from one end to the other


I know I have to pack it up
It has happened
There's nothing I can do about it
The only sensible move is to learn from it


But, some angst  still remain
It's like a small ball of fire
Stuck in my belly
I want to be rid of it


It does not help me
Move along my journey- at all
It is such a heavy burden
To carry


So, now, I decide
To face the red monster
"Be gone!"
"I will be free of you"


I understand it clearly
No one is to blame
Not even me
I don't know any better


It is good that it has surfaced
'Cause I discovered my triggers
and somehow understand myself better
Now,  I can chase the monster away


I learned my feelings are valid
It is ok to acknowledge it
And express it
Yet, in the most diplomatic of manners


Right now, I still ache
It hurts still
But, I shall copy the oyster
And, use the pain to create a pearl

                                                             video from EasyMeditation

I interviewed a 13-year-old gangster

 Image from http://www.zerochan.net

I was a facilitator in a youth camp last weekend.  There was this boy whom almost everybody complained of.  The girls reported that at bedtime, he would open their dormitory door and throw pillows at them.  The boys said he'll do it when one of them is near the door so he could conveniently place the blame on them.  He would call his fellow campers names and would play practical jokes on them.  In short, he was the camp's bully.

Before I spoke to him, I sensed that he was going through something and that he was simply acting out.  Still, I was surprised at what I later find out.

The talk
I was sitting in the sofa with the boys and asking each one of them how the camp was when he joined in and  threw a question at me, "We were taught that we have to listen.  What does that mean?" "Well, everybody around us tells us one thing or another- our parents say this, our teachers advise that and our friends say something different all together.  Sometimes, we forget to listen to the most important person- our self.", I replied.

"You know, Ate (older sister), I have decided to listen to this (pointing to his heart)."  He, then started to narrate his story.  He told me of his 13-year-old friend who recently died because of frat war.  He knew that friend from a dance group and then later as one of the leaders of a gang.  His friend decided to leave his group and change his ways.  However, one day, while he was walking on the road with 2 other buddies, they came across their previous opponents- a whole batallion of them.  His other friends ran but he tripped and was beaten to death.

"Why did they kill him when he's no longer part of a gang? He was trying to change!", he reasoned.  His 13-year-old self could not understand why it had to happen.  I simply listened.

His story
He went on to say that he used to be part of a similar group too.  "I joined because of brotherhood", he explained. "Later, I observed that we were mere puppets of the founder.  He urged us to fight other gangs and taught us all sorts of vices.  My friend's death shook me up to all these nonsense."

With all the courage he can muster, he declared, "I will finish what my friend wasn't able to finish. I will change!"

He related that he had been changing for 6 months now.  It wasn't easy as he had to break his ties with his previous crew and he has to be on guard because of his gangs' previous enemies.

I know he will make it. He has that look of determination on his face.

What now
When the camp finished, we gave feedback to the children's caregivers.  The boy's lola (grandmother) received all the complaints before I got to talk to her. I tried to squeeze in a short meeting with her before they head off.  I did not tell her the whole story but only what she needs to know, "Your apo (grandchild) is bent on changing his ways. In fact, he's been working on himself for a long time- 6 months now. Whatever, you see right now are remnants of the habits he has acquired. He still is a work in progress and he needs all the help and support that he can get".

My lesson
I realized that it is so easy to be critical of another person.  It is so easy to point out another's defect.  What is hard to recognize is the effort that the soul is exerting.  More often than not, I do not know where that one is coming from and what is really going on.  What is visible is a just the tip of the iceberg.  So, from now on, I resolved to never ever judge.    

                                                                 video from easymeditation

You hurt me

image from http://25.media.tumblr.com/

"You hurt me!", this was my battle cry the whole week I succumbed to depression.

I had been keeping in all of my angst for years and one day it just blew up in front of my face.  I felt so angry, I don't know what to do.  So, for a week I locked myself in my room and wallowed in misery ( but I would come down twice a day to eat and yell to the dog- just to let it out ).

I generally keep everything in check except for my hurts. I look at my thoughts, my behavior and my response to things.  But, when someone attacks me (confronts, backstabs or fights me), I automatically shut down and feel numb.  I come from a squishy home where my parents have always been very supportive and  protective. I work in lala land where office politics is unheard of.  So, when I come across mean people, I freeze.

I spoke to a senior sister about this.  She  asked, " What do you do when someone doesn't like you or fights with you?"  "I meditate", I replied. "You're not defending yourself!", she answered back.

I have been defenseless for years, so all the hurt, anger and pain were kept in the inner recesses of my heart.  One day, it came out and swallowed me whole.

I'm so angry at so many people, I don't want to see them.  So, I locked myself up.  In my room, I cried and  blamed everyone who hurt me. "Why are they so mean?", I ask.  "Why didn't someone point this out to me early on."  I did this blaming game day in and day out for seven days until I realize that I can't blame people for being who they are.  They are aggressive, controlling and manipulative, yes.  But, there's no way I can change them.  Even if I plead, "Can you please change because you're encroaching on my space?"  I doubt if they'll transform in an instant simply to accommodate me.  People have their own issues and their own personalities.  I have no control over that.  And, sadly, I don't live in a perfect world with angels and saints.  There will always be difficult people.  The only thing I can do is to toughen up and learn to master the art of standing up for myself.

In the end, I realized that I am to blame.  I hurt myself because I allowed others to hurt me.  Now, I have to power up!

                                                                  video from easy meditation

The Red Monster Came Out of Hiding

cartoon from http://www.clipartbest.com

I have waged war against the television (How to kill addiction) , waste thoughts (Thinking positively works) and even laziness(Who's your nemesis?) and won.  I was happily resting on my laurels, proud of what I have accomplished when the red monster crept in from behind and attacked me.  It was so sudden, so unexpected, and so brilliantly strategized.  I was held captive.

The fearsome enemy sneaked unnoticed for years.  It was slowly and secretly building its arsenal and strength.  Everytime I chose to keep quiet and follow orders I  do not understand, it becomes stronger.   Whenever I choose to evade the issue and hide in my room, it keeps me company.  In the moments I believe that "I cannot do anything right.", it grows bolder.  When I say yes even when in my head I'm screaming "No!", it bellows its evil laugh.  It masks itself as the keeper of peace.  It's best to agree than cause disharmony, it admonishes.  It says simply blow a wish and everything will be ok.  It cares not if one feels hurt or low. It simply shrugs the inner turmoil and pretends everything is ok (even if it's not).

I never thought, I've been feeding the monster of anger for so long.  Not until, I felt so weak I think I'll die.  In one conversation with friends, it suddenly popped up.  I realized that I was so angry I'm driving myself to death.  I am so angry, it's using up all of my energy. I am so angry I got depressed.

It's been there all along but I have ignored it.  Now, the monster's finally out and I stare into its red hot face.

I have been told that this will happen.  I often hear it in meditation class, "As in ayurvedic medicine, all the illnesses will erupt before it gets better".  Sister Denise, a senior sister based in India says that my monsters have  to come out so I can eradicate it.  Then, I will get stronger and tread through life lighter having eliminated the excess baggage.  Contrary to popular belief that the devil lurks outside, in spirituality, I am taught that I have to drive out the monsters inside of me and extinguish it.  So, I can move closer to my true being- one that is filled with power, peace, purity, love and bliss.

 Ok then, let the fight begin.

                                                           video from easymeditation

What I learned from watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’

cartoon from http://lastlemon.com

I am a Marshall

I shouldn’t let people push me around

Sometimes, it’s ok to go nuclear

I need to say NO

More often

Like Ted 

But, I have to stop blurting all the right things

Like Lily

I’m not smarter than everybody else (ok, probably just a little)

I don’t think I’ll ever grow up like Barney (and it's ok)

But, I have to learn to choose which challenge to accept

And complete it

I need to speak my mind more

Like Robin

“Hello world, I am a toughie!”

Not really that strong yet

But, I will be

You’ll see

                                                                 video from easy meditation