It's ok to talk to strangers

I did mention in my previous post that I won shopping vouchers (please see It's my birthday and I can gloat if I want to ). Hooray for me!  Honestly, it was a pleasant surprise but getting a prize was the farthest thing from my mind.  My intention was to simply acknowledge the kind staff of Starbucks LCCT (low cost carrier terminal), Malaysia.

So, I nonimated them in Malaysia airports' TOUCH campaign and wrote about their good deed.  Let me tell you the story.

My travel buddy and I arrived at the Kuala Lumpur terminal past 1am. I usually cap the night by 9 pm so I was partly sleepwalking at that time.  Good thing, I was sane enough to arrange for airport transfer before our flight.  The hotel advised me to call as soon as we land.  Since I needed Malaysian coins to use the phonebooths in the airport and I wanted to call immediately before I doze off (while walking), I asked the nearest shop (Starbucks) to change my dollar into coins but didn't order anything (I was so exhausted and sleepy, I wanted to be done with the call ASAP).  Without batting an eyelash, they gave me enough coins for the call and returned my dollar.  I thanked them and immediately hopped from one phonebooth to the other trying to connect to the hotel.  Unfortunately, all the booths seemed to be out of order but I mindlessly continued to dial away (I did mention that I don't think straight when I'm  sleep deprived, right?).  Two of the Starbuck's staff whom I asked for change came out for break and noticed my desperate attempts to make a broken phone work.  They approached us and offered the use of their cellular phone.  I was hesitant initially.  In my head, I was thinking "I'm a total stranger plus I look weird (I'm not only expecting to miraculously bring the phonebooth to life but I was also in my monk costume- an all white punjabi), are they not afraid that I run away with their phone?!" and "How generous of them to let me use their phone's credit considering they don't know me from Adam! Are they for real?".  Eventually, I swallowed my doubts and pride, accepted their offer and called.  After more failed attempts, not wanting to disturb them any further,  my companion & I thanked them profusely and handed the phone back.  They were hesitant to leave but we insisted that they take their break.  However, in less than 10 minutes, they were back.  They reported that they were able to contact the hotel and that the driver will arrive soon.  We were very grateful and handed them a few dollars for the help but they refuse to accept it.  Instead, they showed us where we will be picked up and quietly left.  But before they head back to their post, they checked on us again to make sure we are ok.  Just then, the driver arrived.  Since he  didn't speak English, they stayed awhile and interpreted for us.

This experience convinced me that people are good and that there are still those who are willing to walk the extra mile to extend their help.  Now, I'll never tell anyone not to talk to strangers.

People, just be discriminating yet trusting and you'll come across the good Samaritans.

It’s my birthday and I can gloat if I want to

photo from http://www.nairaland.com

I’ve lost track of how many times my mentor had to sit down with me just to remind me that I have to focus. “Do you really want to have a chopsuey life?!”,  she’d asked (for those of you who don’t know what chopsuey is, it’s sautéed mixed vegetables. interesting choice of words, noh?) or “You know, I didn’t believe you before when you said that you probably have ADD (attention deficit disorder) but you might just have it.” or “You have great potential but if you don’t get your act together it might just remain that- a potential”.

I know, she can be very honest but she’s also very patient.  She did not give up on me though it took me a year to jumpstart a project she can successfully accomplish in a month.  I don’t know how in the world I could ever come close to her standards.  But today, I am definite I have!

What a pleasant birthday surprise!

Persistence is key

Currently, I’m blogging from a hotel in Kuala Lumpur (KL).  I arrived past midnight expecting an airport transfer.  But the road to getting it wasn't easy.  As expected, I booked last minute- 48 hours before the flight.  I specifically asked for transfer when I confirmed the booking and I also e-mailed the hotel twice just to be sure. When I didn’t get a response after a day, I called.  Guess what? They refused to accommodate my request because I had to inform them 48 hours before the scheduled check-in not 48 hours before I land on the airport ( didn't check the fine print).  So, after a long and fruitless negotiation with the desk officer, I hung up on her.  Knowing that her shift will end around 5pm, I called again past that time hoping that I can get to talk the manager this time (or just a more sensible person).  However, after spending precious pesos on an international call, I got another no.  My travel buddy insisted that I let it slide. We could just get a taxi. So, before I boarded the plane I called again just to get the address for the cab but I was told that the hotel will be sending someone to pick us up. Hooray! Dogged persistence does pay off. 

Push it!

I work in “lala land”.  That means I don’t do overtime (only until 6.30pm if I really have to). Office politics is unheard of where I come from.  It’s impossible in my world since we work with different colleagues daily and there's no ladder to climb.  Since people are not after any position or promotion, the work atmosphere is generally relaxed.  To top it off,  I may get off work anytime I want to (not that I do that often). I just need to inform people- no slips or application of leave whatsoever.  There's a reason why I’m telling you all this- to emphasize the point that  I’m not used to working my butt-off like corporate people.  We literally just play at work.  Then, I have to collaborate with a mentor who hails from a let’s-get-things-done-even-if-it’s-out-of this-world environment and expects me to move mountains.

For a year, I've been telling her that I'm trailing behind her but I'll get it soon enough.  Today, I'm happy to report that I nailed it!

You see, I am in KL so I could redeem a shopping voucher (not that I care anything about shopping). I won it.  The thing is, I failed to read the fine print again. I could only use it at the international airport of which I don’t have a pass since I came in via the low cost terminal. I checked with the information personnel- she said I can only use it for chocolates and perfume.  My sister (my travel companion couldn’t contain her laughter- she knows I don’t like perfume and I need every inch of my 15kg luggage to pack in all the sweets if I am to use up the gift certificates).  But, after a recent win (getting the airport transfer), I’m not one who will easily give in.  I still went ahead with my set plan (to get a gadget using the vouchers) and asked around.  Turned out, I can use it in a electronic store.  The only thing is, I didn’t like the selection in the only store outside the terminal.  Again, my travel buddy coaxed me to just be done with it and just get whatever is available.  The old me would have followed her.  But, I’ve seen how persistence works so I called the number in my congratulatory letter until my fingers bleed and my sister threatens to block me from her travelling companion list.  Did I budge?  Did I give up? Hell no! (pardon the language but I couldn’t find anything more appropriate)  I asked where the office of the awarding committee is and despite all odds (my irritated sissy & the more irritated information lady), we ventured into the city to find the head honcho so I can talk to him.  I learned from my mentor that if something closes, find another way. Also, she emphasized that the personnels usually can’t make decisions so go for the big guys, they’re usually more accommodating.  To cut to the chase, after almost a day of seek-and-seek and talk-to-any-english speaking-airport personnel, I got a pass to go inside the international airport terminal. Another yay for me!

The Win

I just got my birthday present- a fiercer, more determined and wait for it……………. a more focused me!  Thank you dearest mentor and great job, self! You are getting better!

P.S. Truth be told, silence helped me a lot too but that’s another long story.

 

video from EasyMeditation

6 out of 7

Photo from http://www.wtatennis.com

Not a bad batting average.  Last week, I got 5 over 7. This week, I upped the ante by 15%. Yehey to me!!! "Good job, Karen! I know you missed your goal by a slight margin (1 point to be exact), but it's ok.  The good thing is, you are improving. I am definite that you will hit it this week".

Yes, I just reaffirmed myself.  To be honest, I wrote it with a slightly heavy heart.  I really wanted to perfect it this time.  But I didn't.  At crunch time, fear had gotten hold of me.  I couldn't exactly recall what happened.  I just knew that the moment I felt that the prize is so near, I cowered.  I got scared of succeeding and so I was paralyzed into inaction.

A life coach many years back said that I tend to sabotage myself when succcess looms in the corner.  Like a mission impossible message, I had this propensity to self-destruct when the goal's almost accomplished.  I couldn't pinpoint why I do this.  I just knew that I succumb to fear when I'm about to throw the winning shot.

They say fear is like having a mouse inside your heart.  Your heart just goes tug-tug and you end up pacing back and forth with sweaty palms, perplexed about what to do.  Fear is that little voice inside your head saying, "You can't do it!".  It skillfully narrates all the things that could go wrong and explains in detail why you are not enough or not worthy.  Fear puts a humongous wall between you and your dream.  It holds one captive inside his own comfort zone.

True, I don't know what's out there.  How I wish I can just disappear into oblivion to escape the huge task in front of me.  But, I don't want to forever guess what could have been and  I want to see how far I can go. So, I am determined to just do this- no matter what!


                                           video from bkwsuglasgow

Life in a blender

picture from http://www.karenwyattmd.com

What do you do when life throws you lemons?
They say make lemonade
I say, "Dodge!"
Duh?!

What if it's a lemon avalanche?
Wikihow says swim and try to stay near the surface
I say, "I'm clueless, I just hope I survive."
Huh....(deep sigh)

It happens
Storms strike at the most unholy hours
The whole of your world goes spinning
Aaaaargggh!!!!

I don't understand
No, I refuse to accept
Life can go haywire
Hmmmm....

Things don't go as planned
Setbacks happen
Or worse, things fall apart
Ooops!

Have you ever tasted the nearness of success with added spoonfuls of fear?
How about truckloads of expectations masquerading itself as tough love?
It's disgusting, let me tell you
Yuck!

People go crazy
Dreams elude even the most persistent
Happily ever after seems so far away
Well...

Whatever, I'll still push on!

I want to be a monk

A recent weekend retreat made me revisit this long-lost, forgotten dream.

Flashback
Four years ago, on my first trip to the raja yoga's headquarters in India, despite all odds, I squeezed in an appointment with the administrative head to tell her that I want to surrender.  In my head, this meant that when I get back home I will quit my job, leave my family, stay in the meditation center and teach yoga. Like a giddy first-timer, I awaited a favorable response.  However, Dadi Janki, the 93 year old spiritual leader looked at me sternly and said, "Only when you are light and accurate".

Present
At the moment, if I resubmit my application, I think I will still be turned down.  Yes, I am light but I'm not yet accurate.  I've been wondering,  "Why not simply rest on my easy nature?".  After brooding on this, I realize that if I allow myself to be so carefree, I may just fall off the cliff as a result of my carelessness.  Accuracy is the string which allows the kite of lightness to fly.  Without the right discipline, the kite will fall to the ground or go wayward in the vast horizon.  I now understand that a strength ceases to be a strength when it reaches its extreme.  Like a highly organized person without concern or sensitivity for others may turn out to be arrogant and controlling.  A sweet charismatic person without the ability to discern may end up being dependent on people or condoning even of wrong behavior.  Therefore, the right dose of complimentary virtues is required to bring about the best version of me as a strength needs to be balanced by another virtue for it to fully realize its power.  I do need to be light and accurate.

The Plan
Being a monk (that's how I prefer to call the volunteer raja yoga teachers who stay in the meditation centers) is still at the top of my bucket list.  If I ace being accurate, I think I will get it.  Now, as I finish the things I have to finish as I journey towards my goal, I will do this one thing- be on time (for every appointment, meeting, or class) !

I Love You Still

picture from http://www.tumblr.com

"Please lock all the doors before you sleep.", I told her many times over before I retire for the night.  At 3 o'clock in the morning, I woke up with all the doors open- screen door, front door and back door.  Good thing, all our things were still intact and no stranger tried to barge in our house.

"I can get angry at her.", I told myself.  This time my anger is justified!  Awful things could have happened to us. Different scenarios played in my mind but my intellect (the rational part of me) said, "But, nothing happened.  You have just cleared your heart?  Do you want to be heavy again?" (Please see post on this if you don't follow)

"No, I don't want to carry any burden again", so I collected myself and decided to let it go.  I spoke to her calmly about the matter when she woke up.  Then, after breakfast, I thought of the most extraordinary thing- invite her for coffee.

My mind said, "Are you nuts? So, you are rewarding her for putting all of you in danger?!"  My intellect refuted, "I'd like to love her inspite of."  My better judgment won the battle.

When I brought her coffee, I muttered, "My peace offering.  I'm sorry I could sometimes be harsh on you." She said, "Sometimes I need it, Ate (older sister). I can be very stubborn also." "Still, I'm sorry.", I replied.

For the first time in months, she started to share about her plans and dreams.  I let her do the talking while I listened intently- reminding myself not to ask questions or give unsolicited advice.  I was simply there for her- not passing any judgment whatsoever and wishing her well.

I felt I've cleared the air.  I've finally cut the cobwebs which kept her from moving forward.  You see, our negative feelings- anger, fear, resentment, worry or hurt not only clouds our thinking but it also entangles the object of these emotions.  We often think that telling them of the problem is helpful.  Well, it is but only when we come from a space of love.  If we keep on blaming other people for our suffering thinking "you ought to change because you make me very uncomfortable", what we do is simply cramp the person more.  Experience taught me that the best antidote for any conflict, relationship problem or even illness is love. Before calling in the counselor or the ambulance, I learned it's best to give them space to be who they choose to be, accept them for who they are, and love them inspite of.

I love you, little sister.  I know you will be ok soon enough!


                                      video from spotlightvalues

On Letting Go

image from http://www.elfwood.com

I will still care
but I will stop telling you how to live your life
I will still be here
but you shall not hear me ranting if you do your  hiding-from-life drama
I will forever wish you well
but I will stop offering my two cents' worth


Instead, I shall give you

space

space

and more space


Because...
I understand that this is your choice
Because...
I accept you for who you are
Because...
your script is different from mine


And I shall give you

space

space

and more space


I'm letting you go
And I'm letting you be
Know that you deserve the best
And that I still believe in you
I guess, i finally learned to love
Thank you for teaching me.

                                                            from EasyMeditation

Thank You Little Sister

Picture from http://www.taramcglinchey.com

"Why are you heavy?", asked my business mentor as we end our usual Monday meeting.  "Huh?" , I cluelessly answered.  "You have to check yourself.", she retorted.

The Inner Scrutiny
I immediately went through my usual to do list: go to meditation class daily (check), enjoy work (check) and propel my other projects forward (check).  Since things appeared to be going smoothly, how can there be any blockages? Otherwise, it should hamper my world. Still, I persisted on investigating the matter closely.  I spent extra time in the early morning and before bedtime in silence to check the state of my heart.  To my surprise, I found out that I am indeed carrying a baggage as heavy as a block of cement.  I've been busy being responsible at home, keeping a happy disposition at work and being courageous with my new endeavors that I didn't realized that I'm not really ok.

Wearing many hats and thinking too much made me forget what I feel. I didn't realized that I am angry. Well, not at myself.  As I mentioned earlier, my egotistical self thinks I'm superduper fine.  I was angry at  the other person in my life who by my standards is not making her life move.  I am mad at her for not stepping up to her full potential.  In my head, I'd like to jolt her out of her inertia and I was constantly screaming "Get out of it!".

I metamorphosed into an I-am-better-than-you zombie (see I was a zombie), judging her for not being like me, telling her what to do like a nagging mother (i thought that would help), and berating her for not doing her duties (cause I think that an effective house manager/older sister follows up and gives the necessary reinforcement).

The Talk
A talk with my spiritual teacher helped me look at the situation more clearly.  He said, "You were mad at her because you see her as your sister who's not facing her responsibilities but you failed to see that she is a struggling soul.  She is weak at this point and your expectations and judgment just pushes her down even more."

I was ashamed for behaving so badly.  I never thought I am still influenced by anger until this moment.  My negative take of the situation made it worse than what it really is.

I had a long honest talk with myself.  "This is not your true nature.  You are as accepting and accommodating as an ocean.  You are a loving soul.  You have a big heart which can embrace the whole world.  Go back to who you really are."

The Gift
I had to go through a process of facing myself squarely, forgiving myself, and going back to my truth before I regained my light heart back.

It was not a walk in the park, it took me weeks to clear the blocks.  I realized that any negative emotion- fear, anger, worry, regret, or hurt impedes my inner eye from seeing people and circumstances for what they truly are.  It is only when I remove these blinders that I can let love back in and then be able to give it out.

Thank you, little sister for helping me learn this lesson.

Dearest Little Sister

picture from http://mypoeticside.com/poems

I’m sorry I’m not big enough to accommodate you. I just can't accept that you choose to stay in the rut of the past for too long.  I wish I can say “It’s ok” all the time.  

I look into your eyes and I can’t find the sparkle.  Where did you hide it?  Where has my unstoppable partner in crime gone?  You used to simply jump over the hurdles.  It pains me to see you in a standstill.  

I’ve told you many times over, “You’re the best among us siblings”.  I hope you realize this soon enough.  When did you stop believing you can?  Well, never mind.  Just move forward and never ever remember “that” moment.  Frankly, it is merely a speck now.  You only made it so big in your head.

I understand that you are afraid.  It’s ok, just don’t stay afraid because it will eat you up to pieces.  I know because I’ve been there.  It’s like a humongous dragon but, if you look closely enough, it’s all just smoke- a scary-looking mirage.  You’re made of tougher stuff.  You have the heart of a lion!  

Move past the fear.  I assure you, it will dissipate.  Go on dear, simply take steps forward.  You can do it! Just believe in yourself again.

I was a zombie

I think I pretty much established that earlier (see The TV took me hostage).  There was a time when I would turn my mind off and drown myself in information overload, throw gold coins of time wantonly and put my life on hold.  Not anymore!  Thank heavens I woke up, jumped out of slumber and moved forward.

Now that my eyes are open, I see zombies hovering all around the place.  They say only a zombie can really identify it's kind.  Let me classify it for you.

Gadget Zombie-  This zombie keeps it's android phone, tablet, and other gadgets within reach at all times.  It dies of boredom otherwise.  It has to be constantly updated of other people's lives, news or the latest trends via facebook, instagram, twitter and other media. It feeds on wasting time on senseless games and videos, getting likes and gossiping.

Workaholic Zombie-  This one fills itself with work, work, and more work.  It needs to always prove itself and acquire more stuff so it can look bigger than what it seems.  It is always running and moving around to avoid facing it's inner struggle.

I-Need-To-Be Beautiful Zombie.  This is the most superficial zombie of them all.  It looks good outside but is hollow inside, hence, the extreme focus on covering the vacuum with a pretty face or gorgeous body.  It feeds on praise and approval of others.

I-Hate-The-World Zombie.  This kind feeds on the past- misfortunes, failures, regrets. It always has a complain about something or someone.  It is very difficult to please them or for them to be happy.  It clamors for drama, drama, and more drama.

I-Am-Better-Than-You Zombie.  This one has the biggest head.  It is always right and will fight anyone who says it's not.  It readily judges and gets impressed.  It feeds on power- holding the key position, having the last say, being in control.     

Eat-Drink-Be-Merry Zombie.  This zombie indulges in pleasure.  It wants to taste and experience everything.  While out partying, it grunts, "I only live once!".  This one stays alive only to satisfy the self.    

I-Will-Only-Be-Happy-When Zombie.  This zombie postpones its happiness for a later time.  It believes that happiness is a lofty goal,  "I will be happy when I find someone who loves me" or "I will be happy when I am successful".  It feeds on what could have been, what ifs and persistent daydreaming.  

All cartoons are from http://plantsvszombies

One time over lunch, a colleague commented, "There's just so many zombie movies and tv series of late".  I think it's telling of the time.  We've been zombified!  Our minds have been enslaved by so many different things- laziness and carelessness , greed for money or power, wrong sense of self, negativity and endless desires.

But fret not, there is an antidote- the herb of knowledge (or you may also want to know how to kill an addiction).  We only need to awaken to the truth that our real selves is not connected to anything we have, or whatever we do, not even to what we have become.  Essentially, we are beings of love, peace, happiness, purity and power.  There's really no need to scramble to look for it.  The very thing we seek in our lives is inherent in us.  We simpy have to remember who we really are.  

from EasyMeditation