Musings of a Happily Stranded Soul

We just finished a weekend retreat.  Everybody immediately headed back to the city.  I said, "I don't want to go home yet." Of around a hundred meditation students, I was the only one who decided to stay back for one more day at the retreat center with the residents.  As drama would have it, I couldn't go down the next day as it was raining cats and dogs.  And, it refused to stop for one whole week.  I ended up being stranded approximately 2,000 feet above sea level while the metropolis was wallowing in floodwater for several days.

I thought, "I must have done something right that I was able to inadvertently escape the damp city and be happily secluded in a fortress (I just feel so safe and secure in the center)".  After this lightbulb moment, I beamed like a child who was handed an unanticipated present and exclaimed, "Oh, what good karma I have!"

Karma is often used synonymously as punishment.  I heard a news anchor chastise an alleged crook on television saying, "Be scared of karma".  Common people use it whenever they feel deceived, insulted, or unfairly treated, and often, they would curse their perceived perpetrators with, "Karma will get you!"

Contrary to popular belief, the word karma is actually neutral.  It is a Sanskrit word which simply means action.  In physics, there is law which states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction (The Law of Cause and Effect).  Interestingly, the laws of the universe follow certain laws of physics.  So, if one does good action or karma, he will accordingly get a good payback.  On the other hand, if one does bad action or karma, he will get a just punishment whether others wish for it or not.  

Simple isn't it?  Good begets good.  Bad begets bad.  This is one of the internal system by which our world operates.  The image for me is that of an automatic accounting program.  Each person in the world gets points based on the quality of his action.  He get credits or debits because whatever he does may have positive or negative effects on other people and even nature.  This automatic accounting has been occurring since the time we played our part in this world drama- that maybe for just one lifetime for some or many births for others.  

The thing is, the auditing happens at unexpected times.  Sometimes, not even in this lifetime but each one of us definitely has to face the consequences of our actions.  

Karma makes life fair.  Each one gets what is due him or her at one time or another.  What is unfair is when we blame God for our personal demise or for the flood, tsunami, earthquake, or any natural disaster.  Insurance companies call these things "act of God" and  people think these are punishments from the heavens.  But, how can God, the purest energy in this universe, the perfect parent, bring harm to His beloved children?

Truth is, everything that comes to us, both beautiful and ugly, we brought it upon ourselves.  When a challenge befalls us, our debts are being collected.  When we stumble upon good fortune, we are claiming our rewards.  That is the law of karma.  Each one of us reaps whatever we sow.

      

I Love Me!

I've been trying to understand why I have to change.  It's so difficult!  Sometimes, (like right now) I'd rather revert to my old ways.  It's so much easier that way.


At the moment, I can very well sympathize with how Arjuna of the Bhagavad Gita feels before the great war begins.  His words express my sentiments,  "My limbs sink, my mouth is parched, my body trembles, the hair bristles on my flesh. The Magic bow slips from my hand, my skin burns, I cannot stand still, my mind reels."


I rather not fight this inner battle.  Why can I not just let things be?  Why get out of my comfort zone?  Why struggle?


I really need to understand!


I've been doing some soul searching these past few days.  Deep inside, I know I need to find my why so I can move forward (and it has to be a very strong why).


Before the day ends, I have discovered my why in 3 words,            I LOVE ME!.  "Seek and you shall find" proves to be true after all.


I deserve the best!  I so love me!

I got a note from my  life coach (i'm a self-development junkie, in case you haven't figured it out) at the end of a leadership course, it reads: I DESERVE THE BEST!  I wept buckets when I read it.  It hits my heart like an arrow because I have short changed myself so many times.  I often tell myself, "Ok na yan!" or "This is enough." or "Let's just stay where it's comfortable.".  I have settled for crumbs and the sidelines for so long that's why my heart aches.  The note just echoes what my heart has been screaming for, "I deserve the best!"  So, from now on, no more settling.  I shall not rest until I become the best me.  That means, all the bad stuff must go.


It's time to level up!  "Self, let's get better!"

They say life teaches lessons.  Funny thing is, tests come and  will keep coming until I get the lesson.  So, the challenges are really exams for me so I can get the point.  It can really be tiring and boring to get the same test over and over (even if it's masks in various scenarios).  So, I say, "Self, let's finish this one so we can move up a notch!  We don't want to get stuck, do we?".


It's just a small thing. No biggie!

I've been listening to Bro. Jagdish's classes.  He says even if you are facing a mountain, imagine that it's just made of cotton and you can easily pass through.  "You have the power to make anything smaller", he emphasized.  "Our Teacher tells us to consider obstacles to be a paper tiger so there's really no need to be afraid."  Finally, he stressed out it is written in last stanza of the Gita that  Arjuna will definitely be victorious because God is on his side.  In the same way, if I just keep God's company, everything will be a breeze.

I love me!  I love me!  I love me!  I love myself so much that I will bravely face and conquer my biggest enemies- my fears and my weaknesses.  Game on! 

Who's Your Nemesis?

Mine is carelessness and laziness.

I figured out that I love comfort and so I sometimes I put it first even before the deadliest deadline.  Then, I would cram like crazy when "the hour" comes.

Conquering of the Enemy

I know I should change it.  It's my kryptonite (i'm coming from the perspective that I'm a hero as explained in the previous post).  I understand that I lose my power when I succumb to it.

But it's so deceiving like the Hydra, that monster of Greek mythology whose head multiplies when slashed.  I would conquer the dreaded beast in a week- like wake up as soon as my alarm rings, submit all my papers on time, and come to work before time (not 5 minutes after) and then it would come up again the next day.  It can be frustrating.  

But I guess, the main weakness of any human being operates like that.  It keeps on coming back because the habit has been instilled for years, for several lifetimes even.  And so the roots run deep.  

So I thought,  "Let me check out what Hercules did to kill the opponent."  Legend claimed that he asked for help!  He made Iolaus burn the severed head with a flaming torch then he crushed and tore the main head (which remains unharmed if attacked with a weapon) before burying it deep in the ground.  

So, i'll try to do the same.  First, I will ask help from The Source.  Then,  I will burn my antagonist (carelessness and laziness) in the fire of yoga (meditation) before throwing it into the abyss.   

The 5 Thieves

How about you?  Have you figured out who your adversary is?

We often  externalize things.  We have been brainwashed into thinking that the enemy lurks outside.  Truth is, it in inside of us.

I learned in raja yoga meditation that our enemies are the vices.  It  may be in any of the 5 categories:        

1. Anger says "I am right.  You are wrong!".  So it feels offended, insults, blames, criticizes, and judges.  Relative of anger includes: dislike, irritation, revenge, resentment, bitterness, animosity, and distrust among others.      

 
2. Lust says "You exist to please me!"  And it says this line to things and people alike.  Lust is a slave to the 5 senses and it lives life "drinking, eating, and being merry", often at the expense of others because it thinks only of the satisfaction of the physical self  (which can never ever be satisfied and just keeps on wanting).

3. Greed says "I want more and more and more!"  It is always hungry because it is empty inside.  It thinks that collecting more trophies in the form of gadgets, money, luxurious items, other possessions, and even relationships to fill in the inner vacuum.  

4. Attachment says "You belong to me and to me alone!"  It sticks to its prey like a leech and never lets go.  It's is afraid of being not needed, letting the other be on his own, and of standing on his own two feet.           

5. Ego says "I am better than you or I am not enough".  It swings from superiority to inferiority because at it's core lies a deep insecurity.  Ego holds on to the false self.  It associates itself too much to what can be seen, tasted, heard, and touched so it always looks for comfort, praise, reassurance, even pity, consolation, and help.

My Struggle

I think that careless and laziness is a subtle form of ego because it feeds on comfort.  It is very selfish because it does not consider consequences of its action on the self and others.  It is like a spoiled brat whining, "I want this! I want that" without ever discerning if it's good or bad.   

Knowing who my nemesis is, is the first step to winning the inner battle and letting the hero within shine.  It took me careful scrutiny and reflection to pinpoint it accurately.

I hope that you also find the time to check yourself and then take steps of courage to change.

Why Do We Like Heroes?

Picture credit

We love watching them or reading about them.  We are fascinated with The Avengers, Superman, Batman, Spiderman.  Most of these heroes are human like us- they just have extra abilities.    

I figured, we like them because there is a part of us that resonates with them. 

Heroes are good.  
If we really look deep inside, whether we accept it or not, our core is good.  The folly lies in believing that we are just humans.  We forgot that we are also beings (human beings).  And this is where our extra factor lies, much like the added capabilities of the heroes.  If we examine this being, this spirit, this psyche, this soul- we will find out that our original blueprint is made of the beautiful qualities of peace, power, purity, love, bliss, mercy, and knowledge.  If we talk, walk, and move holding a particular quality in our awareness, then our actions and interactions will be of a higher notch, hero-caliber even.

Heroes fight.  
They fully understand that they will have to battle with different obstacles and villains.  In the same way, at this time in the world’s cycle, no one can be exempt from defeat, sorrow, and difficulties.  These things will come our way and we have to confront these using our power of peace, purity, love, bliss, mercy, knowledge and all our other virtues.  

Heroes fly, or smash or jump.  These are the very tactics we ought to use when facing our problems-  fly above it,  smash it into pieces,  jump towards it and slash it from behind.  Heroes do not hide in a nook and cry when the war is upon them.  They muster all the courage and strength they have and take on the enemies.

            

We love heroes because they remind us of our true nature.  The hero spirit is in each one of us.  We just have to nudge it to come forward.

For My Mothers

I have many mothers- mama, my physical mother; Mama, the mother of the spiritual university I go to and God, my eternal Mother. 

Today, we celebrate Mama's day at the meditation center.  So, I'd like to express my gratitude to all 3.

Mama,

        I didn't quite understand why you were always pushing me to excel.  You would make me squat with a book on each hand until I finish reciting 1-100 when I stubbornly told you I hate Math, go to my school editor to ask her to give me an assignment when you didn't see any article with my by-line on our paper, and prod me to run for student government when I could barely talk in front of a crowd.  

        Now, I do.  You simply believe in me so much.  Now, I understand that that was your way of showing your love.  I appreciate it.  If it were not for your tough love, I wouldn't have come out of my shell.  I would still be the shy girl at the back of the class brimming with so many thoughts and ideas but will not dare raise her hand.  And you know how to encourage me as well- play times, beach trips, home-cooked meals, and no household chores for great jobs done.  

         I never told you of that incident when a cousin from the city visited us in the province.  We still lived in the nipa hut (a native house made of coconut leaves and bamboo) at that time.  He arrogantly asked me, "So, this is your life?!".  I confidently answered him.  "Yes!  Isn't it grand?  Mama cooks delicious meals for us all the time.  We can just get fruits from the backyard and we can play as much as we want! (as long as all assignments are done, that is)"  

         I feel rich in spite of the simple life we have because you make me feel very much loved and cared for.  Thank you!  I love you, Mother!

Mama,

         I have never met you but I feel so close to you.  I will never forget this line from you,  "Follow God's directions with the force of 20 nails!".  Your words are powerful  because you walk your talk.  I wish that   how I live my life become my message as well.  I also want to be as accurate and as determined as you.  I like how you define determination, "whatever I think about, I make sure it happens at any cost".  And you don't just think about anything.  They say you were never ordinary.  Dadi Janki attested, "She was very introverted, she acted in the external world  just as an instrument and usually was in a state of inner intoxication.  Her face reflected happiness and intoxication ".  Thank you for leading by example.  Thank you  for the gift of your transformation.  I love you, Mama.  

Mama,

        I've always thought of you as a Father since I was young.  I'm glad I have learned that you can be my Mother, as well.  What a gentle and nurturing Mother you are!  You guided me very lovingly towards the spiritual path.  You never scold me when I make a mistake, but you gently lift me back up.  You also let me hide in your embrace when this world seems too much for me.  You also know when not to cradle me, and just watch me learn my lessons.  But even if you keep your distance, I just know that You will always be there for me.  Thank you!  I love You!

                                  http://www.youtube.com/user/EasyMeditation

Ode to my 2 Dads

Picture credits 

For my lokik (physical) and alokik (spiritual) fathers.

Thank you for calling me great even though I don't believe it (sometimes).
Papa, I would never forget what you told me when I was 12 years old.  I came home from a press conference without any medal when everyone else in our delegation collected a handful each.  And you assured me saying, "You're great Karen, you were probably just nervous during the competition".  Everytime I come to you complaining that I lost, I didn't get the grade, or my plan didn't work out, you always reminded me of how great I am (not just simply good) and you believed it with all your heart.

Baba, every single day, you uplift me.  You call me sweet child, beloved, master, princess, lucky star, jewel, flower, and all sorts of beautiful names that sometimes I still don't accept.

I heard, superman's father did the same.  He recorded and then continuously played his affirmations of him in his earth-bound rocket capsule.

I really really really appreciate our trips to the ocean.
Papa, I had fond memories of  playing in the ocean with my siblings.  It was my first experience of the unlimited.  We would keep on fetching buckets and buckets of water but it never got depleted.  Thank you for bringing us there whenever we ask for it (and even when we don't).

Baba, I never thought that there is an Ocean of Love or an Ocean of Peace.  I didn't know it is possible to go to the depths of it.

Thank you for the gifts of silence and stillness.

Thank you for loving me without strings.     
Papa and Baba, I always feel that you both love me period.  No ifs. No buts.  Just 100% pure, all-natural, unsaturated L-O-V-E.

Words can never truly express how happy and blessed I feel for having both of you in my life.  Still, here goes,  "I love you, Papa!!!  I love you, Baba!!!"


             

Just Be!

This is the favorite line of my friend, TJ.  When I was shaking and panicking before an impromptu song number (a  requirement for a course), in his sweet and carefree tone, he prodded me saying, "Just be, Karen. Just be!".  When I was cramming to reach my goal during our intensive leadership program, he repeated this line again.  And again, when we partnered in a difficult project.  It seemed like this was his answer for everything, "Just be!".


What a simple yet powerful fix!  What he means is to tap into my inner resources.  Just be happy!  Just be free! Just be honest!  Just be me.  There's no need to put on a mask or a show.  No more pretenses.  I only need to bring out my strengths and my core qualities. 

 
Sometimes, what is exhausting is the extreme focus on the task or even the end result.  Often,  it is nerve wracking, hairsplitting, or simply stressful.  I realize that when I focus on the virtue or the inner power that a situation allows me to practice then there is value.


I remembered, what Sister Tims shared with me when we ran programs to celebrate the International Year of Youth .  She related,  "Sure, the events were successful but what's really important was your process.  How was your stage (how did you hold yourself) during and right after this?".


The end never justifies the means.  It's always about what I am becoming. 

Let Me Tell You Why this Blog is Narcissistic

Picture credits

"In the face of eternity, a lot of things don't really matter".

This is what struck me in a weekend retreat with Anthony Strano , the director of the meditation centers in Greece and Hungary.

So, one fine day, while waiting for my sister to finish her college interview, I sat cross-legged on a bench outside and  I asked, "What is eternity?".

I held this single thought for nearly an hour until I dipped my finger on it.  In a second, eternity stood before me in the midst of the bustling day scene of people moving to and fro.  It laid placid and unlimited.  Whilst everyone rushed, it stayed in complete standstill- unstirring, unperturbed.

In that moment, I felt that nothing really matters in this absolute vastness and stillness except for 2 simple truths- I, the soul and my Father, the Supreme Soul.

At least for me, only these 2 truths are real- it can never ever be destroyed.  These are the only things worth my time and attention.  Everything else will come and go.

Maganda ka pa sa Umaga

In English it reads, you are more beautiful than the morning.


That's how a friend greeted me one day, and I just smiled back.  I found it absurd.  "How can it be?",  I asked myself.  


Yesterday, the answer came to me as I was meditating in the garden.  Without bragging and with all honesty,  I experienced that I was more beautiful than the manicured lawn stretched out in front of me (and even the  bright morning!).


I was appreciating the greenery before I went inwards (introspection is a key in meditation).  I was so deep in my contemplation that the garden disappeared and I could only see the real me- a being of peace.


In raja yoga, I learned that I have 2 I's: the obvious I and the real I. The obvious I relates to the human part: roles, culture, position, occupation, name, age, leisure and everything that's connected to the physical.  All of these things are subject to change.  The real I which refers to the soul, spirit, higher self, psyche, or being, on the other hand, always is.  It is this part of me that I constantly want to nurture and enhance through going into silence, living by my highest truth and expressing my best virtues.


My wish is that you be able touch base with your real "I" so you can fathom how exquisite you are too.

White Lady

Painting by Marina Petro 

I was eating dinner by my lone self in a huge hall (imagine a portion of Hogwarts dining hall, uhmm...more or less a quarter of it).  I only switched on the bulb directly above me and kept the corridor lights dim.

Adjacent the area is the foyer enclosed by a glass window which allowed me to view the garden outside.  I caught a glimpse of someone in white moving in the garden.  "That's weird", I thought.  I knew that everybody's meditating upstairs.  I squirmed on my seat to directly face the window 5 feet away.  The lady in white stared at me.  I quickly shifted my position and turned away.  In my peripheral view, I saw the lady move as well.  I faced the window again.  She did the same.  At this point, I was amazed that I'm not shrieking my lungs out.  (Has meditating made me this calm?)  Slowly, I moved closer and looked intently to gaze at my own face reflected on the glass window.

I realized that in life, the scariest thing of all is facing my own shadow.  Before, I would do all sorts of things to escape it- play, party, work, sleep, watch tv, work some more.  When I'm alone, the thoughts of what happened, what could have been, what if, and what will happen just kept on coming.  I would drown the voice in my head with incessant busyness or sleep to escape.

It's easier to just move away from it.  Or so I thought.

The issues just kept on piling up and and sooner or later it hounded me.  End result, my life got stuck then it spiralled down.  I felt lost and empty.  When I hit rock bottom, I turned to spirituality.

There, I learned how to face my own demons, hold it by its horns, and purl it around before throwing it into oblivion.  End result:  a significant decrease of baggage thus I now tread through life lightly and happily as I focus on what really matters.