Day 1: The Market

I spent almost the whole day inside the dormitory in Pandav Bhawan, Delhi- finishing a book I brought with me for the journey.  Some people might find it weird that I went all the way to India to camp inside a room curled in a book. 

________________________________________________

Well, I like taking pauses during the trip 

to simply relax and do what I want.    

________________________________________________

If it were up to me, I would simply stay inside the Brahma Kumaris compound the rest of the day but this time I’m with Sister Nory, a fellow meditation student from the Philippines.  It was her first time in Delhi.  Today, I ought to show her the market at least.

photo by Nory San Juan

So, after I spent the whole morning and early afternoon reading, we walked 3 blocks to the market.  It was like the typical "tiangge" back home (Philippines)- crowded, noisy, and flashy.  The only difference was that people with deep set eyes and pointed nose peppered the streets (stressing the fact that yes, I am in India). 

Boutiques filled the blocks and merchandises lined the sidewalks- colorful Indian sarees, textiles, dresses, scarfs, shoes with pointed tips, intricate jewelries, bags, and all sorts of trinkets.

image from masspuller.com

We walked for probably 8 blocks of rows and rows of bright merchandises- most of which adorned with gold or silver or intricate patterns.  

________________________________________________ 

But there is nothing I want to buy for myself.

________________________________________________

image from masspuller.com

I heard a story about the great philosopher Socrates stopping by a shop window every day for weeks.  One day, the shop owner feeling sorry for the poor philosopher went out of the shop and told him, “Sir, what is it that you want?  I will give it to you for free.”

Socrates looked quizzically at the shop owner and replied, “I pass here daily to look at all the things I don’t need.”

Today, I can say the same.

meditation by Release Your Wings

Prelude

image from valuepreneurs.org

I just came from my annual retreat to India.  As always, I wrote down my thoughts and realizations so I can bottle the experience.

In the next 10 days or so, I will be sharing with you some parts of my inner journey, one post at a time.  But first a prelude.    

A few days before my retreat…

I wake up at dawn today realizing that I love myself- truly and deeply but not madly.  It's not the crazy falling in love drama like that of romantic films.  It is simply a settling feeling that I fully accept who I am- flaws, strengths and all.  There are no fireworks or any grand gestures.  Instead, it feels like a gentle embrace.  As though in my long journey of working on myself day in and day out for 9 years, I’ve finally come to an important terminal.  

__________________________________________________________

From here, I can fly 

(instead of pedalling a bicycle feeling that 

it’s taking forever to reach my goal). 

__________________________________________________________

image from redcheeksfactory.com

At this point, I feel secure- no longer needing the affirmation of family or reassurance of friends, not waiting for an applause nor yielding to condescending remarks.  I feel invincible- like the evils and the chaos of the world cannot touch me.  It doesn’t feel like rainbow and sunshine. It feels steady like a calm lake.

There’s also no need to run for anything, no need to prove myself, no need to acquire or add anything to myself.

________________________________________________

I feel whole.

________________________________________________

However, the journey to loving myself did not happen overnight.  I worked on myself again and again and again.

I regularly check in with myself.  I meditate.  I constantly and diligently affirm myself.  

I'd like to share with you the affirmations which helped me along the way. 

image from melissaohden.co

You are enough.

Be brave.

I will fight.

I forgive you.

I love me.

Just be!

Relax.

Never lose your happiness.

Maganda ka pa sa umaga.

You are wiser than you think and braver than you can ever imagine.

meditation by Release Your Wings

The Ice Candy Principle

image from youtube/World of Cooking

Growing up, I’ve always been fascinated with 1 million. There are just so many zeros in it.  It excites me the same way I jump up and down with delight when I see my gifts on Christmas day.

As a kid, I have the perfect plan to earn my first milion- by selling 1,000,000 ice candies of course!  It’s a no-brainer! 

Here’s my plan A-Z:

Sell 1,000,000 ice candies at P1 net profit per piece

Sell 100,000 ice candies at P10 net profit per piece  

Sell 10,000 ice candies at P100 net profit per piece

Sell 1,000 ice candies at P1,000 net profit per piece

Sell 100 ice candies at P10,000 net profit per piece

Sell 10 ice candies at P100,000 net profit per piece

Sell 1 candy at P1,000,000 profit

Many years later, I’ve abandoned selling for profit since I've decided to become a monk (my term for a raja yoga meditation practitioner).  

It just doesn’t appeal to me anymore.  Instead, I engage in pediatric occupational therapy practice, NGO work and social enterprises (businesses with a heart).  

Recently though, I remember the ice candy principle again when a dear friend suddenly needs help.  She needs to raise a million pesos to help her dad’s growing medical bill.  They have been in the hospital for more than a month now.

www.youcaring.com

Six zeroes after 1, a little kid believe it's possible.  Decades later, I still believe that it can be raised even without the ice candies because kindness is possible.

I only need to reach out to: 

1,000 generous souls who are willing to give P1,000 each for kindness sake

Or 

100 kind-hearted people willing to share P10,000 to help another being in need

So, I'm knocking now on your warm hearts to please help me and my friend reach as many generous souls we can by simply sharing this post.

Many, many, many thanks!

P.S. I’m sure the Universe will send you ice candies of happiness in return!

meditation from Release Your Wings

I looked at depression in the eye

It is ugly 
I tell you
It can make an energizer bunny
Into a zombie


It is a thief
It steals the spark 
In the eyes of its victims 
And leaves them in the dark


It is like a quicksand
It draws them deep 
Into the mud of what ifs and what could haves
Of whys and how comes


It is a predator
It kills its prey
Leaves them lifeless
And in coma


I tried to shake her out of it
I shouted as loud as I can so she would wake up
I begged her to see the bright side
I gave her the best advice I can find in my toolbox


But she was in so deep
Nothing could bring her back to life
Not even the man in white suit
Or the potions he recommends


“It cannot happen to her!”
I protested
I never thought I am capable of anger
Until that moment


For a time
I kept my distance
I could not stand being in the same space
I refused to see her deteriorate before my eyes


It hurts
Because she is the best among us
She can rule the world
If she wants to


I cry
Because she’s so close to me
I know her lofty dreams and ambitions
And I believe in her with all my heart


After a long while
I’ve learned 
To be present when I’m needed
And move away when she needs space


I remind myself to keep mum
When she complains
And just listen 
Even when I have a long speech prepared


I try
To understand her instead
She looks well
But deep inside she’s broken 


I saw once
How love heals
I will try that again
Along with faith that she will come back to life



P.S. I wrote this post sometime in 2016 when I witness someone so close battle depression.  As you could tell, just watching her go through it hurts. 

She's better now. Love works! :)

In the Philippines, 1 out 5 Filipinos suffer from anxiety or depression.  There's an antidote- self love.  Allow us to walk you through it this February 3, Saturday, 9:30-11:30am at Brahma Kumaris, Makati. 

Register to this free event at BK Lighthouse Youth.