“Don’t take sorrow”

image from google

“Don’t take sorrow.”, says my Teacher.

“I can’t understand.”, I retort back.

You see, I was angry.

I know it’s not very om.  However, recently I learned that it’s best to acknowledge my feelings (tell myself that it’s ok to feel what I feel) and then release it.  So, I will say it again.  I was angry.

image from verywellfamily.com

There’s this person who nitpicks everything I do and tells me over and over again that I can’t do anything right.

I am on the move and this other person blocks my path every single time I inch forward.

I am accomplishing things which I never thought I am capable of.  And another one disregards it and says, “But you forgot this!”. (And it’s really negligible. Aaaaargh!!!)

I was so mad (at so many different people…3 to be exact) that I wish I can wave a magic wand and make them vanish in thin air.

image from google

And then, I checked in myself like I normally do and I saw that I wasn’t really mad at them.

I realized that I still have issues with self-worth and they were merely showing me how I treat myself (at times).

  

The project I’m working on has successfully finished and I scramble to plan for the next run instead of celebrating or taking a pause.

I am an arms-length away from getting the funding I need and yet I stall.

At the back of my head, I still hear a whisper, “You don’t deserve it”.

I am mad at the people whom I feel belittles me because they show me that I don’t believe in myself as much as I think I do.

I guess this is my next challenge: Believing in Myself.

image from google

Are you angry at someone too?

More often than not, if you check in with yourself you will see that that person is merely showing you your hurts, limiting beliefs, negative patterns or your monsters.

P.S.  If you need healing, this workshop in Quezon City, Philippines might be of help.  Register here. Or you can learn how to meditate online.

Go slower than the river

“Go slower than the river”, this is my inspiration for 2019.

After a 2 day silent retreat, I realized that I can slow down time.

The retreat facilitator shared, “In whitewater rafting, there are times when you paddle like crazy to avoid capsizing but most of the time you get through by going a bit slower than the river.”

The buzzword these days is depression.

I think it’s because everyone’s paddling like crazy in this fast paced world.  That’s not sustainable!  Either you get a heart attack midway or you get crazy.

“Get out of this old world”, my Teacher in meditation always tell me.

For me that means,

1.     Rising earlier than the sun to sit in silence and 

        ground myself

2.     Taking pauses during the day to reconnect to my truth

3.     Pursuing projects which are meaningful to me

4.     Connecting to others with love and compassion

5.     Ending the day with gratitude

This year, I will take really good care of myself.  And so, I will go slower than the river.

What's your inspiration for the year?

meditation from Release Your Wings

Dear 2018

Thank you!

This year I finally learned to love myself- strengths, flaws and all.

And so, it’s easy to share love to others.

photo from Special Achievers

I learned to stand up for myself and let go of people and things which do not help me move forward in my journey.

So, it’s easier to stand up for what I believe in.

This year, I said goodbye to fear.

I embraced trust and determination instead.

This is the year I took a step of courage

and a thousand fold of help came.

Thank you for the lessons on self-love, letting go, trust, determination and courage 2018.

I’m excited for what 2019 holds!

                                                                   Love,             
                                                        Karen

Dearest Fear

image from sailboatstory.com

Dearest Fear,

I sneaked one past you.  Ha!  Make it a double ha ha! :)  

I was able to jumpstart this project with the greatest team in the whole wide universe without your interference.

thesparkproject.com

Yay!  I filled my heart so much excitement there was no room for you.    

However, now that we’re nearing the end I see you creeping in.

“What if you don’t reach 100% of your funding goal for the documentary?”

“What if you run out of funds and you can’t even give honorarium to your mentors?”

“What will happen to the students after your 12 sessions?”

My head’s getting dizzy with all the what-ifs.  My heart's thumping very fast it’s zooming way past it’s normal speed limit.  

Just when I’m about to lose my calm, I heard a whisper.

“Trust”, it says.

“Trust that help will come.”

“Trust that everything will pan out.”

“Trust in the goodness of people.”

image from psychologytoday

Then, I waved you goodbye.

I know you’re there to protect me but I don’t need you right now, Fear.   I will be ok- even if everything I’ve built comes crushing down before my very eyes.  

I understand that I am not the project.

But I saw how deeply I can love and give because of this project.

I experienced the generosity and passion of like-minded souls who ran the race with me.  

Thank you for saying yes to this Dane Raymundo, Dana Salonga, Nory San Juan, Karl Jingco, Monique Pereda, Raisa Perez, Rod Valencia, Louie Payawal, Mige Espena, Yenny Tjioe Saw, Jenn Maliwanag, Aticia Reyes, Ma’am Arlene Sarmiento, Ron Tayon, Cathy Gargaritano, Melvin Ayag, Mhel Almario, Christine Mislang, Krishna Quemado, Tricia Ricasio, Anne Casten, Joshua Siscar, Charissa Carlos, Dominic Cheoc, Christa Del Rosario, Mae Ignacio, Felix Gaco, Inee Co and Paola Policarpio.

I witnessed the growth of the students in the last 9 weeks.  I am affirmed that they can do great things given the right training and opportunity.

SPED students' pursuit of the arts

If we just focus on their strengths and gifts, and nurture these souls with acceptance and kindness they can escape the small box society puts them in.  

I learned my lessons.  

Fear, at this point that’s all that matters.

Goodbye!

                                                      

                                                           Sincerely,

                                                              

                                                                    Karen

meditation by Release Your Wings