Be careful what you wish for

Around this time last year, I wished for power. 

"Since I've mastered self-love (i thought), it's best if I can complement it with power.", I told myself.

So, I jotted down what power looks like for me:

• making things happen
• doing what I say I'll do
• being on time
• showing strength of character
• being in command

I also listed my affirmations:

• I am strong.
• I make things happen.
• I am disciplined.
• I am powerful!

Then, I looked for role models and did the work:

• I attended retreats and camps on leadership.  
• I interviewed changemakers.
• I rolled-up my sleeves and worked on projects (so I can practice making things happen).

I seriously pursued power like a hunter chasing a prey.  The quest was long and arduous though. 

• I had to wait for what seems like forever.
• I had to knock on so many doors and hear 9 NOs before I get to the 1 YES.  
• I had to let go of something valuable to inch towards a short-term goal.
• I had to face many naysayers.
• I even have to fight enemies!

There were moments when:

• I was at a lost.
• I felt alone.
• I didn't think I can do it.
• I wanted to give up.
• I was seething in anger.

My year was so intense, it felt as though I was in a war zone.

Yes, I was doing what I love but there were so many oppositions, sacrifices and difficulties.

I was hell-bent though.  I pulled out my inner arsenal of strength, determination and resilience.  It helped that I have a fierce army behind me, too.  Together, we triumphed.  

Life, The Universe, The Divine take you seriously when you commit- I learned.

I asked for power.  So, I was given challenges so I can experience my own power.  There was no magic wand which can conjure power with a simple abracadabra.  

image from nerdist.com

2019 taught me that:

• I don't need to chase power.  I simply have to step into it.
• I have to be worthy of it though like Thor with his hammer.
• Like the superheroes, I can never really know powerful I am unless I face obstacles and villains.

So, as you make your wish for the new year, be careful.  More often that not, your heart's desire will not be handed to you on a silver platter.  You have to earn it!   

Meditation on Power

Go slower than the river

“Go slower than the river”, this is my inspiration for 2019.

After a 2 day silent retreat, I realized that I can slow down time.

The retreat facilitator shared, “In whitewater rafting, there are times when you paddle like crazy to avoid capsizing but most of the time you get through by going a bit slower than the river.”

The buzzword these days is depression.

I think it’s because everyone’s paddling like crazy in this fast paced world.  That’s not sustainable!  Either you get a heart attack midway or you get crazy.

“Get out of this old world”, my Teacher in meditation always tell me.

For me that means,

1.     Rising earlier than the sun to sit in silence and 

        ground myself

2.     Taking pauses during the day to reconnect to my truth

3.     Pursuing projects which are meaningful to me

4.     Connecting to others with love and compassion

5.     Ending the day with gratitude

This year, I will take really good care of myself.  And so, I will go slower than the river.

What's your inspiration for the year?

meditation from Release Your Wings