Thinking Positively Works!

Picture from http://psychcentral.com

Ever since I decided to bid adieu to the infamous truck (Please see The Garbage Truck Has Been Stalking Me if you don't know what I'm talking about), I never came face to face with the stinky vehicle again.

Good job!
Kudos, self! You drove the truck away!  I vow that I shall never never never (for emphasis) waddle in waste thoughts again.  To seal the deal, I gave myself specific thoughts to think about daily.  "It's ok, everything's fine." or  "I'm taking responsibility for healing myself".  I also pick 3-4 points to ponder from my meditation class.  I really keep my mind busy on focusing, experiencing, or reflecting on pure, positive, and beneficial thoughts throughout the day.  (I'll tell you in on a secret, it's impossible to keep the mind blank.  It's occupation is to think, think, and think some more.  The key is to guide it to hold on to the right things.) So, if I see it going elsewhere, I gently redirect it back to it's assignment for the day.

Anatomy of Complaints
Now that I'm ok, I gathered my learnings while I was immersed in the mud of negativity.  For now, I'd like to focus on the three things I deduced about complaints.

1. Whenever I complain about something or someone. It's never about them. In reality, there's something lacking inside me.  Complaining is the red flag that tells me I am unhappy.
2. Then, when I don't feel good about myself, I try to look for happiness outside.  Like a half-filled canister, I yak and yak about my misfortune and I go around begging for other people's sympathy.
3. As I continue to evade the issue, I may even go as far as projecting my unhappiness to others.  I point out their mistakes and faults.  I am unhappy, so no one should be happy.  

What happens then
If left unchecked, then I move along my life taking support from others or scarring other people.  Like the garbage truck, I spread repulsive, heavy and peaceless vibration everywhere I go- whether it be my  home, or workplace.  This consequently, attracts more adversities, leaving me in a deeper hole. 

My hope is that, we wake up soon enough before we dig our own graves.  All it takes, is a matter of attention and a determination to shift our mode of thinking.
  

Meditation Commentary on Positive Focus by EasyMeditation

  

The Garbage Truck Has Been Stalking Me

No kidding, for the last 3 months, not a day passes without me coming across it- even on a Sunday!  The universe really has a funny way of teaching me.  Last time, the angry bird followed me to India.  Now, this persistent visits by no less than the stinkiest of automobiles.

Even if I walk with my eyes closed, my nose can never ever ignore the smell of the humongous pile of junk dumped in a moving vehicle.  Often, it greets me good morning as I walk home from my early morning meditation class.  What makes it more of an ordeal is that I cannot ask for a restraining order from it or even negotiate that it skips my block.  Sometimes in my mind I fathom, "Would you stop when I write about you?".

The Mind Game
Of course, I did not get any reply.  And for the past quarter, I could not think of anything relevant to say about my newly found acquaintance- until of late.  I realized that the old truck has been haunting me only to remind me of the rancid wasteful thoughts I have been heedlessly accumulating.  You see, I had been battling with a disease which makes me feel weak and tired easily.  I had to give up my Tagaytay weekends and football training (supervising mostly) for it.  More so, I would feel so drained that I would have no energy to do anything else after a full workday (8am-5pm).  For a hyperactive person who's used to juggling dozens of jobs (2-3), hobbies (2-infinity), and advocacies (2-3), it is a nightmare.  

I've trained my mind to look at circumstances positively.  There's always a gift after a storm, I frequently admonish.  However, once in awhile the regrets and complaints come in.  "I am too young to feel so old.  I missed my usual 3-day weekends by the Taal ridge.  I used to work hard and play hard."

Then the questions, "Why? Will I get my die-at-33 wish? How come this had to happen?  Do I have to retire now?"  Followed by more questions.  "What will I do if I can no longer work?  How will I be able to take care of myself?  How can I prepare for the eventually of death?"

If left wandering, my mind either goes to I-used-to-be happy mode or what-will-happen-if speculations.  The illness triggered  the massive rush of waste thoughts.  Looking back, more than anything, I felt that the barrage of negativity largely contributed to the tiredness I felt.  It was too great, that I literally attracted the garbage truck to meet me daily.

I Dare You to Stop
Truth be told, what I have is a mere vitamin deficiency- nothing chronic really.  The sad part is I allowed it to drag me into a pity-me charade, back to the past drama, and fortune-telling sessions.

This very moment, I say, "No more!"  to ruminating about the past or the future.  These ifs, what could haves, buts, and whys shall touch me no more.  If I have to bid my life adieu then so be it.  But, "I will not go gentle into that good night".  As Dylan Thomas eloquently put it, "I shall rage, rage against the dying of the light." (Too melodramatic? I know.)  So, from this day forward, I shall hold my precious precious time like the gold present it is.  Goodbye dump truck!

cartoon from http://www.reverendfun.com

Why I've Stopped Looking at Others

I used to have a dance group.  We were a threesome, a 19-year old chatty teenager, a 55-year old baker who thinks she's still young, and me, the 30-year old yuppie.  It was an odd group but we get along and we all enjoy dancing in our living room-studio.  One day, we all decided to go to a real studio and enroll in a hip hop class.

At the dance floor, youngsters sprawled with their different cliques.  A blond-haired guy with an Indonesian twang greeted everybody and signaled the start of the session.  He started teaching us the routine where there's a new step for every single count.  Each word in the song had a different strut.  It was like doing a fast interpretative dance with a jumps, bounces, and turns.  In our little dance group, I was accustomed to a single stride for every 8 beats and we would repeat it for the nth time until everyone gets it.  Here, the teacher demonstrated the move once and then we have 2-3 tries to master it before the next one.  This was so out of my league.  I concentrated 110% to catch up.  I had no time to assist my 55-year old friend, ask for cues from my teenager pal, or watch the other dancers.  Everyone vanished from my view.  Like a horse with blinders, I only focused on following the dance instructor and doing the piece perfectly.
 
I think it's the same when one embarks on a path of self-development.  Looking at others and commenting on how they live their life takes away my time for introspection, prayer and reflection.  In the end, it's how I live my life that matters.  So, I only need to fix my gaze on the Supreme Teacher and check if I'm following His directions accurately.  Then, I have a better chance of acing my dance routine in this life.

I'm Sorry, Self

I had my first acupuncture session today.  My acupuncturist told me that my pain is related to stress or anger.  I knew that it's definitely not anger because I'm basically just chill and I think I've gotten too old to get mad.  By elimination, the culprit must be stress.    

So, I began scolding myself.  "How can you be stressed when you just work for 4 days?  And no! you don't work!  You just play with kids!...You don't have the right!  You meditate at dawn and dusk and every chance you can get in between...You've simplified your life to a hilt, there's really nothing to be worried about."

On and on it went until I understood what caused the stress- the negative self-talk.  True, I've stopped complaining about other people (80-90% of the time) but at times, I can still be hard on myself.  I would berate myself for missed targets and failed attempts.

Feeling guilty doesn't works so says Sr. Denise.  I think it works like a  superglue, cementing the feet of my intellect (the part of me which makes decision) on the ground that's why I feel stuck.  Complaining about anything, even about myself takes my happiness away.  It's like a dark cloud covering my sun, a rain on my parade.

Sorry self.  Sometimes, I act like an uncompromising grown-up who blows up when circumstances don't go her way.  Well, things happen.  It's ok.  Just look at the bright side and keep on moving forward!  

 

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On Going Berserk

I rarely watch tv (like i'll probably gape at a commercial first shown months ago) but when I do, I can go on forever.  I can live on salad (like just lettuce and tomato with lemon dressing) for  a week but when I go crazy, i can drink a liter of soda with 2 giant bags of chips in one sitting.

I realized that it's when I feel deprived that I go out of the wagon (the good one).  I surmised that's probably the main reason why I keep on pressing snooze when my alarm rings and why I break new year's resolutions. This feeling of being deprived sends me back crawling to my old patterns.

Old habits stay because it's comfortable.  On the other hand, sticking to new habits is painful- initially.

But when I understand it for what it really is, then changing can be a breeze.  Like no one can make me eat meat- be it lechon, fried chicken, or even chocolate cake because I fully comprehend the logic behind it.  I am vegetarian because I believe in and practice non-violence.

Now, I really just have to understand why I have to eliminate my occassional addictions and I can change.

photo credit

Let The Past Be The Past

When the blue flu hits me, I mope, sing, listen to songs, converse with God or write to myself.  Hmmm...I feel I need a pep talk right now, so here goes...

Dearest  K,

          You   are   so   lovely!   Sweetie,  you  are  wonderful.   You   are  very, very,  very  special.   You  know  that,  right?   You  are  the  best and you deserve  only  the  best.  I understand   that  you  cannot  quite  see  that right  now.  But   believe  me,  you  are  a  gem!   You’re   still   in   the  process   of   becoming   a   diamond   hence   the   pressure   and   the  mess.   I  wish   I  can   spare   you   the   pain   but  it  is   crucial   that  you   go   through   this   so   you   can   be   the   jewel   that   you   truly are.   Just   keep  on   moving   forward   and   you’ll   get  to   where   you want   to   be .  And  never   ever   look   back.   Just   place   one   foot   after  the   other  and   walk   towards   your  dream.   I’ll   see  you  really, really  soon!

          I  love  you!                                             

           

                                                                    Yours  ‘til the sun shines,

                                                                          your perfect self

You are greater than you think!

This thought came to mind one sunny day along the beach of Boracay.  We just finished a dragon boat race and we're just sitting by the sand waiting for the announcement of winners. 

A friend sat beside me and said, "Do you know that this first International Dragon Boat Festival in Boracay happened because of you?".  

I looked at her quizzically before I exclaimed, "What?!  All I did was row today."  

She explained, "Remembered you called Jenny at 5 am in the morning to remind her of the training in Manila Bay.  She was hooked after day one and recruited me.  Then, I called my boyfriend in Boracay to try it out there.  He immediately formed a team. They enjoyed it so much and decided to organize an international regatta."

The Butterfly Effect

Imagine what one simple call has done.  This just proves to me that my actions create ripples.  A small deed can spur a great thing or a disastrous event (which most of the time I am not aware of).  The only determinant if it is a good or bad contribution to the world is my intention.      

Looking back, all I did was simply share what I love doing (at that time).  The intention was pure and clean and so the series of events after that turned out to be good not only for me but for my team and for rowers in different parts of the globe (I heard they still hold international races yearly.).

The learning for me here is to mind what I think and to consciously be aware of my agenda knowing that it not only affects me but others as well.

Conscious Living

Now, I understand what my friend Agnes Prieto wrote in If you don't mind, it doesn't matter:  

"If we mind our thoughts 

we live a life that matters."  

"However, most of us go through life unconscious—in a trance induced by media, other voices (from our upbringing, our present friends etc.) and circumstances.  Our minds operate on default. When we wake up in the morning, we don’t have to put on a mind, it’s there, running noiselessly giving us optimal service."

I agree with her that we have conveniently forgotten to rule our minds.  We let it run amuck like a wild horse.  Without a rider, it wantonly goes here and there making living a routine- pointless and meaningless.

If we simply turn off the auto-pilot, hold the reins of our mind,  and choose to think of quality thoughts (positive, good, beneficial) then we "operate from a position of power and live a life that matters"

Musings of a Happily Stranded Soul

We just finished a weekend retreat.  Everybody immediately headed back to the city.  I said, "I don't want to go home yet." Of around a hundred meditation students, I was the only one who decided to stay back for one more day at the retreat center with the residents.  As drama would have it, I couldn't go down the next day as it was raining cats and dogs.  And, it refused to stop for one whole week.  I ended up being stranded approximately 2,000 feet above sea level while the metropolis was wallowing in floodwater for several days.

I thought, "I must have done something right that I was able to inadvertently escape the damp city and be happily secluded in a fortress (I just feel so safe and secure in the center)".  After this lightbulb moment, I beamed like a child who was handed an unanticipated present and exclaimed, "Oh, what good karma I have!"

Karma is often used synonymously as punishment.  I heard a news anchor chastise an alleged crook on television saying, "Be scared of karma".  Common people use it whenever they feel deceived, insulted, or unfairly treated, and often, they would curse their perceived perpetrators with, "Karma will get you!"

Contrary to popular belief, the word karma is actually neutral.  It is a Sanskrit word which simply means action.  In physics, there is law which states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction (The Law of Cause and Effect).  Interestingly, the laws of the universe follow certain laws of physics.  So, if one does good action or karma, he will accordingly get a good payback.  On the other hand, if one does bad action or karma, he will get a just punishment whether others wish for it or not.  

Simple isn't it?  Good begets good.  Bad begets bad.  This is one of the internal system by which our world operates.  The image for me is that of an automatic accounting program.  Each person in the world gets points based on the quality of his action.  He get credits or debits because whatever he does may have positive or negative effects on other people and even nature.  This automatic accounting has been occurring since the time we played our part in this world drama- that maybe for just one lifetime for some or many births for others.  

The thing is, the auditing happens at unexpected times.  Sometimes, not even in this lifetime but each one of us definitely has to face the consequences of our actions.  

Karma makes life fair.  Each one gets what is due him or her at one time or another.  What is unfair is when we blame God for our personal demise or for the flood, tsunami, earthquake, or any natural disaster.  Insurance companies call these things "act of God" and  people think these are punishments from the heavens.  But, how can God, the purest energy in this universe, the perfect parent, bring harm to His beloved children?

Truth is, everything that comes to us, both beautiful and ugly, we brought it upon ourselves.  When a challenge befalls us, our debts are being collected.  When we stumble upon good fortune, we are claiming our rewards.  That is the law of karma.  Each one of us reaps whatever we sow.

      

I Love Me!

I've been trying to understand why I have to change.  It's so difficult!  Sometimes, (like right now) I'd rather revert to my old ways.  It's so much easier that way.


At the moment, I can very well sympathize with how Arjuna of the Bhagavad Gita feels before the great war begins.  His words express my sentiments,  "My limbs sink, my mouth is parched, my body trembles, the hair bristles on my flesh. The Magic bow slips from my hand, my skin burns, I cannot stand still, my mind reels."


I rather not fight this inner battle.  Why can I not just let things be?  Why get out of my comfort zone?  Why struggle?


I really need to understand!


I've been doing some soul searching these past few days.  Deep inside, I know I need to find my why so I can move forward (and it has to be a very strong why).


Before the day ends, I have discovered my why in 3 words,            I LOVE ME!.  "Seek and you shall find" proves to be true after all.


I deserve the best!  I so love me!

I got a note from my  life coach (i'm a self-development junkie, in case you haven't figured it out) at the end of a leadership course, it reads: I DESERVE THE BEST!  I wept buckets when I read it.  It hits my heart like an arrow because I have short changed myself so many times.  I often tell myself, "Ok na yan!" or "This is enough." or "Let's just stay where it's comfortable.".  I have settled for crumbs and the sidelines for so long that's why my heart aches.  The note just echoes what my heart has been screaming for, "I deserve the best!"  So, from now on, no more settling.  I shall not rest until I become the best me.  That means, all the bad stuff must go.


It's time to level up!  "Self, let's get better!"

They say life teaches lessons.  Funny thing is, tests come and  will keep coming until I get the lesson.  So, the challenges are really exams for me so I can get the point.  It can really be tiring and boring to get the same test over and over (even if it's masks in various scenarios).  So, I say, "Self, let's finish this one so we can move up a notch!  We don't want to get stuck, do we?".


It's just a small thing. No biggie!

I've been listening to Bro. Jagdish's classes.  He says even if you are facing a mountain, imagine that it's just made of cotton and you can easily pass through.  "You have the power to make anything smaller", he emphasized.  "Our Teacher tells us to consider obstacles to be a paper tiger so there's really no need to be afraid."  Finally, he stressed out it is written in last stanza of the Gita that  Arjuna will definitely be victorious because God is on his side.  In the same way, if I just keep God's company, everything will be a breeze.

I love me!  I love me!  I love me!  I love myself so much that I will bravely face and conquer my biggest enemies- my fears and my weaknesses.  Game on!