I looked at depression in the eye

It is ugly 
I tell you
It can make an energizer bunny
Into a zombie


It is a thief
It steals the spark 
In the eyes of its victims 
And leaves them in the dark


It is like a quicksand
It draws them deep 
Into the mud of what ifs and what could haves
Of whys and how comes


It is a predator
It kills its prey
Leaves them lifeless
And in coma


I tried to shake her out of it
I shouted as loud as I can so she would wake up
I begged her to see the bright side
I gave her the best advice I can find in my toolbox


But she was in so deep
Nothing could bring her back to life
Not even the man in white suit
Or the potions he recommends


“It cannot happen to her!”
I protested
I never thought I am capable of anger
Until that moment


For a time
I kept my distance
I could not stand being in the same space
I refused to see her deteriorate before my eyes


It hurts
Because she is the best among us
She can rule the world
If she wants to


I cry
Because she’s so close to me
I know her lofty dreams and ambitions
And I believe in her with all my heart


After a long while
I’ve learned 
To be present when I’m needed
And move away when she needs space


I remind myself to keep mum
When she complains
And just listen
Even when I have a long speech prepared


I try
To understand her instead
She looks well
But deep inside she’s broken 


I saw once
How love heals
I will try that again
Along with faith that she will come back to life



P.S.  If you are also going through something or if you simply want to take a retreat, this might help.  You may register online at www.tagaytayretreatcenter.org 

 

  

Are you really free?

image from www.pinterest.com

I hate my life!, she mutttered exasperatedly while she typed.

I was sitting right next to her.  We were talking about her woes earlier.

Can you relax first before you finish that transaction?, I gently reminded her.

But what I really want to say is this.

Sometimes, pounding on something really hard never works.

You get tired.

Then, you lose your enthusiasm.

And, you forget there are other nails worth pounding.

You become the carpenter who works eight days a week and forgets that he is also a dancer who loves to salsa, a friend who enjoys hanging out with his crew or a traveler who enjoys adventure.

Your view becomes limited as you fixate on that one thing.

And the longer you don’t get it, the higher your anxiety rises.

They say, Good things come to those who wait.

I say, Good things come to those who are ready for that good thing.

How can an opportunity swing by if you have closed your door by thinking of all the wrong things which happened, questioning why you haven't gotten what you wanted or by grinding your teeth in anticipation because it’s taking so long.

One has to open the door to allow good things to happen.  That entails acceptance of what is, looking at the brightside and trusting that whatever will happen is for the best.

Set what you are holding too tightly free.

If it's your right, it will come to you.  In the meantime, can you please wait happily? 

meditation by Release Your Wings

P.S.  Please know that when I say you, I'm addressing myself too.  More often than not, I write about the lessons I need to learn, as well.

The bitter truth about chocolate

I’ve never researched any article (for this blog) so thoroughly as this one.  It strikes so many chords-  chocolate, children, slavery, farming and ethical eating.

“When people eat chocolate, 

they are eating my flesh.”, 

says Drissa a recently freed slave in a cacao plantation. (1)

image from www.patheos.com

It was reported that children 12-16 years old are being trafficked daily in West Africa, producer of 70% of the world’s cocoa. Some journalists saw children as young as 5.  They were forced to work in cacao plantations: wielding machetes to clear the field, climbing trees to pick the fruit, hacking the cacao pods, and carrying 100 pounds of sacks for 80 to 100 hours a week. (2) (3)


Documentaries exposed that children were beaten when they work too slowly or tried to escape.  They were billeted in a room with no windows and restrooms and locked at night.  They would wake up at 6am to work until evening with only bananas and bean paste to sustain them. (4) (5)


In 2001, a protocol was signed by chocolate manufacturers, NGOs and Ivory Coast government to end child labor by 2010.  On the deadline set, Miki Mistrati and U Roberto Romano did a behind-the-scenes investigation to see if changes were made. The filmed revealed prevalence of child slavery even after a decade since the protocol. (6)

video from http://topdocumentaryfilms.com

In 2015, Tulane University’s reported in their research that 2.26 million children worked in cocoa plantation in the Ivory Coast and Ghana during 2013/2014 harvest season, a 21% increase from 2008/2009. (7)


The bitter truth about chocolate is children’s blood sustain this industry (around 70%). (8)

Know that I am not opposing chocolate production.  

I am not asking you to boycott chocolate or choose ethically manufactured ones.  

I just want to let you know that you might be funding slavery inadvertently. (9)

video from Release Your Wings

References

1 http://www.foodispower.org/slavery-chocolate/

2 http://edition.cnn.com/videos/international/2014/03/02/cfp-cocoa-nomics-full.cnn

3 http://www.foodispower.org/slavery-chocolate/

4 http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/dark-side-chocolate/

5 http://www.foodispower.org/slavery-chocolate/

6 http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/dark-side-chocolate/

7 http://www.confectionerynews.com/Commodities/Tulane-publishes-cocoa-child-labor-report-21-rise-in-West-Africa

8 http://www.foodispower.org/slavery-chocolate/

9 http://www.slavefreechocolate.org/children-slavery-cocoa/

I’ve never liked Valentine’s Day

image from playbuzz.com

It was probably because I was brainwashed in college that it was simply a capitalist move to increase sales after a low season post-Christmas.

It could also be because I couldn’t enjoy chocolate as much now after learning that there might be blood in what I’m eating. I watched this documentary which revealed modern day slavery in the cacao farms.  It wrecked my heart so much I haven’t bought a bar since I saw it.

Or I might have been Saint Valentine in my past life, the priest who was executed because he defied Roman Emperor Claudius II and secretly married off the soldiers and their brides at the height of war.

Well to be honest, I think it’s because I find it silly that some people would whine, rant or mope that they don’t have someone to spend Valentine's Day with.  Also, I think the idea that one has to have a partner to be complete is ridiculous.

I enjoy romantic comedies and plots like all the other gals but I don’t believe it.  The knight in shining armor who will whisk you off happily-ever-after is a tall tale. 

Instead, I believe in making myself complete.

I believe in taking responsibility for my actions and helping myself move up.  I do not need someone to save me.

I believe happily-ever-after is a destination one can travel solo as well.

I have nothing against love, relationship 

or marriage. I do have a case on dependency, attachment and 

damsel-in-distress drama though.

I just think that two complete people will have a better chance at sustaining a good relationship versus two people looking for their missing halves. 

I totally respect it if you think otherwise.  Just saying my two cents worth.

meditation from Release Your Wings

‘I saw sorrow but it did not touch me’

meditation by Release Your Wings

In the stillness of dawn, while I was sitting in meditation I saw sorrow.


It looked like a small fist-sized ball just in front of my heart. Then, I saw my heart.  It had a hole which is the same size as the ball of sorrow in front of me.  

I wondered why my heart had a hole.

Suddenly, rays of light from up above started filling the vacuum in my heart. 

Then I realized that I never felt sorrow
because I received God’s loving protection., related  Anand, a senior classmate in meditation.

You see when my mom died, everyone in my family was wailing in the hospital.  When I arrived, I simply came in and  looked at her lovingly and in sweet stillness. 

During the final mass, a ceremonial eulogy was conducted.  While relatives and friends shared their feeling of loss of a very dear person, I felt we should celebrate her accomplishments.  Instead of crying, I asked everyone to clap for my mom’s legacy of a life well lived.

I never shed a single tear during the wake or even days after it.

During that dawn meditation, this 'hollow' feeling emerged.  I recognized that I was able to handle the situation with calmness and stability. 

The moment this realization came, tears of joy welled up.  Yes, it was indeed God's sweet loving protection all along which allowed me to keep a safe distance from sorrow!  It was God who filled in the emptiness with His divine pure love. 

That day, I saw sorrow but it did not touch me.


P.S.  If your heart needs healing or if you simply want to feel loved,  you are warmly invited for a day retreat this Sunday, February 7.  You may register online at  tagaytayretreatcenter.org

Om explained

   

“Set the date for your perfection.”, said my Teacher during a 
meditation class.  

I wanted to retort, “That’s impossible!” but I was in a 2-day silent retreat (the other weekend) so I opted to keep quiet.

During the retreat, we had 5-6 hours of meditation each day.  We would go around specific meditation areas in groups and sit down in silence.  No words were exchanged as we move around or even as we sit together for meals.  

Then it just happened.  While I was immersed in silence I felt that I was a sparkling zero.  I saw myself as a sparkling star with no past    or future.  I had no ties with this old world of matter- no possessions, no relations or positions. 

I had nothing...
but in that nothingness I felt my fullness.      

I felt that I have everything I ever need- love, peace,               power, happiness.  In this state of om (I am), I felt complete.           I felt perfect. 

So, it’s possible. 

meditation by Release Your Wings

The wind huffed and puffed but it did not blow the house away

“Ang galing naman magdasal ni Ate Karen. Di man lang tumikwas kahit isang pawid ng bahay kubo niya nung bagyo.”, commented the Mangyans in the farm.

(“Ate Karen must have prayed really hard.  Not a single straw of her nipa hut was misplaced during the storm.”)

You see, 80 out of the100 roofs of the Mangyans’ concrete houses (donated by Gawad Kalinga) were blown off by the wind. Two rooms in Lolo’s house of stone were destroyed by fallen trees while Papa’s wooden packaging area was crushed to the ground.

Contrary to the story of the “Three Little Pigs”, it was the straw house which weathered the storm.

I don’t have any explanation for this except that nature probably protected the area.


Serving nature

One picnic with my classmates in meditation, I was ready to jump in the water when I was stopped. “You have to serve nature first”, I was told.

Though I was very eager to swim and couldn’t quite understand this serving-the- nature concept yet, I followed.  I sat down and meditated with the group for 30 minutes before jumping in the water.

When I took in farming as a hobby, my mentor in yogic agriculture said that it is important to empower the seed and the land with good vibration before the actual planting.  

So for more than a year, every time I meditate, I put in extra time to send good thoughts to my assigned area in the farm and to the 5 elements in general: earth, water, fire, air and ether.

Again without question, I followed.


The gist

Now, I understand.  If I take care of nature,  it will also take care of me.

meditation by Release Your Wings

I am grateful

The young dragon fruit plants have weathered the storm. 

Because in the midst of the catastrophe, a sprout still grows

This is Papa's newly built packaging area which Typhoon Nona crushed to the ground.

Because no one was hurt despite the chaos (from where I come from- that is)

We've been fighting the quarrying in our barangay for a while.  The townsfolk were divided though because some of them profit from it.  The storm showed everyone its devastating effect.

Because what we’ve been fighting against, has unveiled it’s horns

What used to be a bed of rock now looks like a beach.  Without the rocks, the water from the river flooded into the houses and the streets.

Because a smile can still be found in the middle of the waste land

The Naglaon river is now twice its size because the big boulders which protect its banks have been removed.

Because life goes on even without pants

The donation we've received have been packed and are now on its way to the Mangyans.

And I am grateful for well-meaning people who are willing to lend a hand

For everyone who sent good wishes and who helped us help the Mangyans, maraming maraming maraming salamat po (thank you very much)! 

video from Release Your Wings

He came to work with no pants

  

“Wala na akong mga pantalon, kaya nakabahag ako ngayon”, (“I don’t have pants anymore that’s why I’m wearing a loin cloth”) Rigor said when he reported for work post-typhoon Nona.  

He quickly glanced at his buttoned-down Hawaiian shirt and bahag (loin cloth) and let out a hearty chuckle.

I was expecting him to ask me for pants or money to buy one but he didn’t.  He simply happily worked the whole day in his bahag (loin cloth).

On the other hand, Lino reported that the roof of their house was blown off by the wind.  

“How are you and your family?”, I asked.

“Naglagay po muna ako ng trapal habang wala pang pampagawa ng bubong.”, (“I just put a plastic cover in place of a roof since I don’t have money to have it fixed right now.”, he answered).  Then, he immediately went back to his task as though it’s perfectly ok to have a house with no roof.  Like Rigor, he did not ask me for anything nor did I hear a single complaint from him.

Then, I went to where my father was working.

How many trees were down?, I asked him.

“More than a thousand”, he replied.   

“Looks like, we won’t harvest any rambutan this year”, I commented.

“We’ll plant again.”, he reassured me.

“How long will it take to bear fruit?, I asked.

“In 2 1/2 to 3 years.”, he answered.

“That’s a looong time.”, I gasped.  

“Well, if you think that way then you’ll never farm.  Just plant, dear.  Before you know it, they’re all big trees."

Rigor, Lino & Papa- they’ve just gone through the worst storm to ever hit the farm (and El Nino before that) and they simply stood up, brushed off the dust and moved on.

While I was busy asking questions, they were planting again- pants or no pants. 

meditation by Release Your Wings

P.S.  PAOT  Disaster Risk Reduction and Response is collecting donations for those affected by Typhoon Nona and Onyok in Samar, Mindoro and Sorsogon.

May you be a calamansi tree

This is my New Year’s wish for you! 

You see, I just came from the family’s farm in Oriental Mindoro, which was gravely devastated by Typhoon Nona.

The tall and mighty Durian trees whose top can only be reached by a giant or 10 people stacked on top of each other had fallen ( in this case- on Lolo’s house ). Breathe, no one was harmed.

The flamboyant rambutan trees with numerous branches and thick leaves were uprooted.  In fact, all of our mature rambutan trees had met their bitter end (85% of the lot).  Only the young ones survived (15%).

The ever-abundant lansones trees had been cropped of its foliage.  My father said given time to heal and the right amount of care ( and organic fertilizer ), they might  still bear fruit.

On the other hand, the short and thin calamansi trees stood tall as though nothing happened- with branches and leaves intact.  I was told that the calamansi trees were able to weather the storm because of its roots.

You see, each calamansi tree has a major root which runs straight and deep into the soil making it firmly anchored to the ground. Thus, no amount of rain or wind can shake it.

I wish for your roots to run deep and for your spirit to be firmly anchored to the truth just like the calamansi tree.  So even when the fiercest storms come, you remain steadfast and strong.     

meditation from Release Your Wings

P.S.  For those who want to help, you may get in touch with Fr. Caloy through his facebook page or mobile number 0919-8406493.  His parish Nabuslot in Pinamalayan, Oriental Mindoro is one of the rural areas severely affected by the storm.  In fact, they still don't have electricity though it's nearly a month since typhoon Nona.