I'm a knife?!

"I'm tired.", I complain to The One who's making me do things.

You see on top my usual workload, I feel pulled to do attend to other matters.

On my three day weekends, I am either here...

This is a portion of the farm I'm helping develop.  I love going here.  I'm mostly just supervising but I wish I can go there in a wink of an eye and avoid the 10-12 hours travel to and fro the farm and Manila.

or meeting with people to make this happen more regularly...

This is the free mentorship program of Special Achievers, an NGO which puts a spotlight on the strengths and passions of persons with disability.  We're pilot testing this program in a public SPED school in Rodriguez,Rizal and in a foundation for children with cancer.

I love both tasks!  If I have my way though, all I ever want to do on my weekends is this...

"Why do put so many things on my plate", I ask.

"What do you call yourself, again?"

"An instrument", I quickly reply.

"Then, you only have one responsibility- to be sharp."

"What do you mean? ", I query.

"Well, if you really believe that you are an instrument then, you're simply like a knife in the hands of the Master Chef.  The knife doesn't complain if it cuts fruits, vegetables or tofu because it doesn't do the hard work- the Chef does.  It only needs to be sharp.  The Chef does everything else.

video from Release Your Wings

Just do it!

image from timemanagementninja.com

Some things hit you like a cold shower when you're barely awake.

I've been browsing through the book Heal your Mind and Body by Dr. Chandrashekhar and Azeem Dana.  The chapter on  psychosomatic diseases catch my attention.  Since, I have colds right now I quickly check if it's part of the list. In bold letters, it says:

COLDS
Indecisiveness, need to make decision and not doing so, feeling sorry for self and wishing to delay activity.

Pak! I felt like I was given a cold shower.  

I admit it, the words went through me like a sword.

Instead of going through my usual process of looking inward, asking myself, analysis and over analysis, I simply stopped the barrage of questions, got my phone and made the call I've long been stalling.

Today I learned that even if the plans are not perfectly laid out and I'm still doubting yourself, I have to make a move.  

meditation by Anthony Strano

Know thy enemy

“If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.”
                                                                                                          ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I just came from battle- not a physical one or the virtual online games (I find it boring and senseless) but from some internal struggle.

I did say before that it is inevitable on the path of self-development.  Whether I like it or not, I really have to confront my dark side (I know it sounds eerie but it's true.).  What I've found out of late is that the enemy also hides behind beautiful masks.

Taking Sun Tzu's advice, I 've unmasked my enemies:

image from toonpool.com

1.  The Time Thief: The television
     Other forms: on-line streaming, on-line games, videos, youtube
     Lure: "Time to take a break from your busy schedule, come sit with me for a while"
     Effect: Makes me brain-dead
     Steals: My Time

image from www.hknet.org

2.  The Mindnapper - The cellphone and other gadgets
     Other forms: facebook, instagram, twitter, pinterest and other social media apps
     Lure: "Hey, look at the interesting things other people are doing!"
     Effect: It distracts me with entertainment & information I don't really need.
     Steals: My Mind


                                                       image from amazonaws.com

3.  Time Space Warp- The bed
     Other forms: vacations, frequent naps, oversleeping, stalling, excuses
     Lure: "You need to rest."
     Effect: It lulls me in deep slumber so I can escape reality.
     Steals: My Present and ultimately my Future


I'm not saying it's detrimental to sleep, go on vacation or use the phone and other facilities. What I observe in myself though is that I run to these things all too often whenever I'm afraid or escaping my truth. (Thank heavens, I've killed my addiction!)  But, just when I've thought I've slayed my monsters, they keep on challenging me again and again.  They are like the Hydra of Greek mythology whose head multiplies when slashed.


I still believe that the enemy lies within but these illusions trigger my old bad habits and patterns.


How about you, do you know what your triggers are?


P.S. I feel that all of these triggers steal my time, my mind, my present & my future when used indiscriminately.

video from easymeditation

Kids say the best things

image from http://playroom.co

When people ask me what I do I tell them, "I play with children".  I make sure though that they learn skills which they need in school and at home while they're at it.  Often, I learn a lot from them too!  

Last week, I was in a school conducting an evaluation with preschoolers.  I asked a 3 year old, "Where are your eyes?".  She stood up from her seat and went to the nearby table.  Before I could stop her she came back with a bowl and pointed to what's inside, "Ice!", she answered.  "That's correct too.", I laughed.

At that time, I was wringing my brain for ideas for a program I'm working on.  That incident made me think that there's no one way of doing things.  There are a million and one answers.

Thank you kiddo for reminding me!   

video from easymeditation

Haha Moment

image from pingallery.deviantart.com

"You've turned dark.", my little brother told me.

"I beg to disagree.", I countered.  "A little gray maybe but not utterly dark".

"I like reading about your funny stories like when the angry bird followed you to India.", he said.

"I can't help it, I'm in that space of late."

"You see, when one travels the spiritual path, it's not always bright and sunny.  It is inevitable that one's monsters will come out." 

"More often than not, it takes time to deal with one's beasts.", I explained.

After several days,  I thought about my critique's opinion.  I reconsidered it.  I do miss my light side.  So today, I thought of sharing with you an inspiring incident I encountered this week.


The Old Woman and her Old Bike Seat

I have a 60 year old friend who loves to tell me how her day transpired.  Like most senior citizens though, she often forgets that she has told me a particular story for the nth time.  I often remind her when I have heard what she's telling me about and most of the time she says, "Just listen to me.  Why are you young people so disrespectful?!"

One day she excitedly told me, "You couldn't guess what happened to me today."

"I went to have the seat of my bike changed.  A customer of the shop offered to buy my old seat for P20 ($ 0.43) but I don't feel like parting with the seat for such a small amount.  So, I opted to bring it home with me.  When I arrived at the gate, it was also time for the students to go home from school." (She lives near a public elementary school.)  

My attention was caught by an old man fetching his grandchild.  I noticed that his bike seat is made up of old clothes and rags sewn together.  I approached him and offered my old seat.

He was hesitant to receive it saying, "I might have to pay for it."

I told him, "Don't think about it. I just got a new bike seat."

"You know, his face beamed when I handed him the seat.  The happiness in that man's face could not be compared to the P20($ 0.43) I could have gotten if I sold the seat.", she joyfully recalled.

I listened attentively and did not interrupt her at any point of her story.

"I did tell you the story before, didn't I?", she said.

I simply nodded and flashed a knowing smile.  I figured, why not listen to her story again?  So, what if I lost 5 minutes of my time when in turn I gave 5 minutes of happiness to an old friend. 

video from easymeditation

I met Superman

image from static.comicvine.com

He stopped trucks
From hauling loads of stones
Out of the river
Using his super voice


He told the bad guys
"Stop this!
Or else I will tell ENRO (Environment & Natural Resources Office)
That you are quarrying without permit"


The villains blasted him with a barangay permit
"The barangay captain and the council support this"
They haughtily reasoned
"Still, you don't have the ENRO's permit",  he punched back


He then flew to the barangay hall to confirm the news
He saw the council feasting on pansit (fried noodles with vegetables)
Sent by the adversary to keep their mouths shut
"So, it's true! You sold the river for a free snack!", he confronted


Before they mobbed him
He used his super speed to run to the office of the mayor
"We cannot do anything if the barangay agreed to the quarrying"
The city administrator advised


"They did not consult the community"
He retorted back
"Then, file a petition against the quarrying"
The office of the mayor challenged


He readily flew back to the village
For days, he knocked on every door
Talked to every person he meets along the road
Until he got hundreds of villagers on his side


Superman created allies
And together they defended the river
The petition was their weapon
Against the mighty tyrants


With the signed petition
And the majority on his side
ENRO and the Office of the Mayor
Had no choice but to send a force field to protect the river


The quarrying is now put on hold
The barangay officials are currently being audited
The young and old who pass by the river daily are now safe
Because of one man who chose to lead the fight


How do I know all this, you ask?
I was superman's sidekick during this whole ordeal
To be honest, he's a simple farmer without a cape
But he has super strength because of his heart of steel

video from easymeditation

'I eat my feelings'

image from www.eatwithoutguilt.com

"I eat my feelings", said a friend.

I tried that but it didn't work for me.  I would pig out when I'm happy or sad and everything else in between but it only made me bloat.

I also attempted to keep it all in so nobody will see it.  After awhile though, it exploded right in front of my face.  I was so hurt I could not readily stand up.

Then, there was the talking it out cure.  I confided to friends but even though I've sorted things out, some of them were still stuck in the situation.  At times too, they would be angrier or sadder than me.

Now, I just write my feelings just so I can see exactly where I am.  I am learning (albeit slowly) not to dwell on it too much or let it control my choices.  They are as fickle as the weather and as unreliable as an outdated map.

I'm teaching myself not to be swayed by the pendulum of my positive and negative reactions.  Of late, I constantly remind myself, "Stay in the middle- at zero.  That's the point of balance."

video from easymeditation

The enemy within

image from http://pridenews.ca

I will fight!

The moment I utter these words, my enemy appears.

I am surprised to see that I am looking at my mirror image. Though we have the same face, we have opposite demeanor.

My mirror image avoids my gaze as I peer straight into her eyes.  Her head is bowed and her hands are folded back.  Like a puppet, she has numerous strings on her arm, hands, legs and feet which allows others to pull her in any which way they wish.  On her head is a handwritten message which says, NOT GOOD ENOUGH.    

"She is my enemy?!", I shout bewildered.

A voice answers, "She is a part of you. She represents your old sanskar (pattern) of pleasing everybody but yourself that you end up not knowing who you are."

"How will I fight her?", I ask.

"You have to set her free.", the voice replies.  "Every time you say yes to something you don't believe in, you allow people pull her here and there.  When you doubt yourself, you make the NOT GOOD ENOUGH message bolder.  When you don't speak your mind, the lower her head bows."

"I am not her! I refuse to be a puppet!", I scream.

Then, one of the strings snap.

Today, I realize that the enemy is not something or someone lurking outside.  What I really have to fight are my old patterns and beliefs (sanskars).

How about you, what old sanskars imprison you?

video from easymeditation

I will fight!

photo from www.t-nation.com

"When someone sticks on your back like a monkey you may shout at them- at least in your mind," says my spiritual adviser from the West.

"You see, there are some people who cling on too tightly to you.  They take it upon themselves to monitor your every move and tell you how to live your life.  You can tell them, "Go to Hell!", she explains. 

"Seriously? How about harmony?", I ask.

"How about your sanity?", she counters.

"When you say yes to everyone and allow people to control you, you give up your power.  You give up your peace. You're not even in harmony with yourself".

"Ok, you give in to the desires of others so they're ok with you.  But, if it doesn't resonate with who you are and what you truly want, then it causes an internal discord.", she continues.

"What do I have to do?", I asks.

"You have to learn to defend yourself.  I use a mantra as a weapon to sticky people who hang on to me like a leech.  In  my mind, I shout at them, "Go to hell!", she replies.

"You see, I can't find another word strong enough so they can let me be.", she elucidates.

Sensing that I'm still not convinced she adds, "You can't be too calm, you'll be trampled on. You have to be strong, too."

"It is balance that you seek, right?," she asks.

"Then, you should know when to accommodate people and when to say, Go to Hell!", she advises.

I really tried my darnest to utter the words but I really can't.  For now all I could say is, "I will fight!"

Have you heard the scandal?

image from artflakes.com

It was way too early in the morning when that question was asked.  I tried to let it pass though it seems too loaded to ignore.

We were in a big room with little kids playing about yet the issue still persisted.  "She was only 12 years old,", said the informant.

My curiosity (a.k.a. hmm-let's-see-what-others-are-doing) got the better of me and so I inquired, "Who is this you're talking about?".

I was immediately given a short reply.  Realizing that I really don't know the person, I kept quiet but the Pandora's box has been opened.  Almost all the adults in the room gave his own version of the tale and his own comment.

I didn't want to have anything to do with it so I mufffled the noise with my inner ramblings.

"You shouldn't have asked!", I rebuked myself. "Why do you need to know?" 

Before my one minute of allowable guilt-tripping ceases, I reminded myself, "You've been very careful with what you feed your mouth (being a strict vegetarian and all that) but sometimes you are not too keen on what passes your ears.  There are too many information in this world which are as useless as garbage."

My one minute alarm beeped but my inner voice continued its tirade, "On the surface, it seems like a casual conversation but you of all people understand energy!  When you pried in, you open the lid of a stinky dust bin and allow it's stench to permeate the air.  Also, whenever you look at the defects of others, you color yourself with that.  It's like a game of throwing mud, you can never get out of it clean."  

With head bowed, I realized that meddling in other people's affair is a total waste of time.  It's their life, their choices.    

video from EasyMeditation