I will fight!

photo from www.t-nation.com

"When someone sticks on your back like a monkey you may shout at them- at least in your mind," says my spiritual adviser from the West.

"You see, there are some people who cling on too tightly to you.  They take it upon themselves to monitor your every move and tell you how to live your life.  You can tell them, "Go to Hell!", she explains. 

"Seriously? How about harmony?", I ask.

"How about your sanity?", she counters.

"When you say yes to everyone and allow people to control you, you give up your power.  You give up your peace. You're not even in harmony with yourself".

"Ok, you give in to the desires of others so they're ok with you.  But, if it doesn't resonate with who you are and what you truly want, then it causes an internal discord.", she continues.

"What do I have to do?", I asks.

"You have to learn to defend yourself.  I use a mantra as a weapon to sticky people who hang on to me like a leech.  In  my mind, I shout at them, "Go to hell!", she replies.

"You see, I can't find another word strong enough so they can let me be.", she elucidates.

Sensing that I'm still not convinced she adds, "You can't be too calm, you'll be trampled on. You have to be strong, too."

"It is balance that you seek, right?," she asks.

"Then, you should know when to accommodate people and when to say, Go to Hell!", she advises.

I really tried my darnest to utter the words but I really can't.  For now all I could say is, "I will fight!"

Have you heard the scandal?

image from artflakes.com

It was way too early in the morning when that question was asked.  I tried to let it pass though it seems too loaded to ignore.

We were in a big room with little kids playing about yet the issue still persisted.  "She was only 12 years old,", said the informant.

My curiosity (a.k.a. hmm-let's-see-what-others-are-doing) got the better of me and so I inquired, "Who is this you're talking about?".

I was immediately given a short reply.  Realizing that I really don't know the person, I kept quiet but the Pandora's box has been opened.  Almost all the adults in the room gave his own version of the tale and his own comment.

I didn't want to have anything to do with it so I mufffled the noise with my inner ramblings.

"You shouldn't have asked!", I rebuked myself. "Why do you need to know?" 

Before my one minute of allowable guilt-tripping ceases, I reminded myself, "You've been very careful with what you feed your mouth (being a strict vegetarian and all that) but sometimes you are not too keen on what passes your ears.  There are too many information in this world which are as useless as garbage."

My one minute alarm beeped but my inner voice continued its tirade, "On the surface, it seems like a casual conversation but you of all people understand energy!  When you pried in, you open the lid of a stinky dust bin and allow it's stench to permeate the air.  Also, whenever you look at the defects of others, you color yourself with that.  It's like a game of throwing mud, you can never get out of it clean."  

With head bowed, I realized that meddling in other people's affair is a total waste of time.  It's their life, their choices.    

video from EasyMeditation

Of rainbows and green pixie dusts

I've seen a lot of rainbow colored profile pictures on facebook lately, alongside different opinions and varied emotions on the topic.

As always, I am Switzerland (neutral).  For me, rainbows will always represent the beautiful colors of the soul.  I play this game with people, tell me your favorite color of the rainbow and I will tell you your strongest virtue.

No peeking! Answer the question first and then read on.

image from EasyMeditation



Red is for Power.
Orange for Purity.
Yellow for Happiness.
Green for Love.
Blue for Peace.
Indigo for Truth.
Violet for Balance.

What did you get?   

By the way, here's my two cent's worth on celebrate pride.  You see, I've been taught that all souls are brothers which means we are family.  I don't know about you but from where I come from, we don't throw family out in the streets- even if we have all the right reasons to.  Even if we don't agree with their beliefs or their decisions, we love them anyway.  I know it's hard to do.  It's easier to just push our position down their throats.  It's easier to say "I am right and you are wrong".  It's easier to rant.

I wish that everyone will simply accept.  Often, it's hard because I have to go down from my "I am right" pedestal or wave the white flag.  Sometimes, it means I have to swallow my pride or keep mum even if I have a long speech prepared.  

Green pixie dusts of acceptance (a.k.a. rays of love)- this is my wish for both celebrators and naysayers. Afterall, we're family.

                                                                  video from EasyMeditation

When I change, the village changes

"You should try farming.", advised my 80 year old friend.

I was reluctant but try I did.

I thought of starting with a vegetable garden because I cannot understand why the farmers have to buy from the market when they can just grow food.  You see, they only plant fruit-bearing trees in our village.   

I visited our place recently and I noticed that most of our neighbors are now planting vegetables for their own consumption and are selling the extra produce.  Even the Mangyans in the farm have their own vegetable garden! 

Since I am a newbie, I asked lots of questions such as, "So, what do you do when the fruit season is over?".  Most of them told me that they simply tighten their belts.  "What do the wealthy farmers do?", I prodded.  "They invest in livestock", they answered. 

Of late, I observed that most villagers have their own piggery and flock of chicken.

I spotted items for merchandise in the boondocks.  The Mangyans would laugh at me though whenever I use the handwoven basket I bought from them.  They didn't know that their products are of great value and environmentally-friendly to boot.

Recently, we sold some of their works and they were so happy that "Tagalogs" (that's how they call the non-Mangyans") appreciate their craftmanship.  

I've met children without dreams.  Before when I asked them, "What do you want to be when you grow up?".  They answered with, "Wala po" (No one).  After 7 months of intermittent coaching, they are now saving up for their dreams.  The boy with a stick wants to have his own farm while the other boy wants to be a seaman.  

I am not saying that I (and Sister Nory, my 60 year old friend who usually comes with me to the farm) brought about the changes in our small village.  I feel that we simply shook things up when we started questioning their usual ways and showed them that the village has a lot of potential.  

Whenever I go down the boondocks, our neighbors often ask, "What do you do up there?" (the farm is a 30 minute trek from the village center) 

I want to retort, "I'm planting seeds of hope." 

   

*photos by Nory San Juan

Goodbye Sister Poyee

photo by Ojie Vergara

"Do you want to have a chopsuey life?", she sternly asked me.

Sister Poyee, my 68 year old mentor can be brutally frank to a hilt.  Sugar coating is not in her vocabulary.  She doesn't swerve here and there when she needs to make a correction.  She goes straight to the point and serves it cold.

"I cannot tolerate mediocrity that's why I don't work with ordinary people.", she explained. 

"I can spot the ore and bring out the gold in people but they have to be willing to be trained."

Her training though is one which will make even the toughest ones cry.

One time, she made me go around the stretch of Tomas Morato Avenue selling some kind of contraption.

"The heart of any organization is sales.  If you cannot sell, you will have to close shop.", she told me after two long days of knocking on doors.

Knowing that I don't have the courage to sell the idea of a non-profit organization for persons with disability yet, she went with me to every single meeting and spoke to key people we need to bring to our side.  She met with parents, teachers, marketing executives, website developers and volunteers.  She was building a team while I merely looked on.

"Why are you so scared of knocking on doors?", she would ask.

"If your intention is pure and if you believe in your cause then you will definitely get a yes- even from a stranger.  And so what if you get a no, just knock on another door.", she would constantly remind me.

For a year, while we were doing the groundwork for the organization, we had a ritual.  Every Monday morning after meditation class, we would have coffee and she'll share her stories of old.  Then, she would ask me the questions I deem too huge for me like, "Don't you want to help humanity?" or questions I try to evade such as "Ask your heart, what is it that you truly want?". 

Then, when my distractibility gets in the way of that one thing I want, she would nudge me back albeit quite sternly.

Recently, I understood why she had to use tough love on me.  She only had few Mondays to spare.  Last week, she departed suddenly that I didn't get to say goodbye.

Our last conversation though was the ending I have always envisioned.  "Congratulations, you and the Special Achievers team made it happen.", she happily greeted me. (She was on leave from the organization for a year so she can take care of her health.) 

"You jumpstarted the whole thing!  The credit goes to you.", I quickly replied.

This is the part I failed to tell her though, "Thank you Sister Poyee for spotting the ore in me and helping me bring out the gold.  The process was not easy but it was well worth it.  I will forever be grateful." 

  

Are you ready for The Big One?

Kobe, Japan- January 17, 1995, Amidst the rubble, the Indian community huddled together in an evacuation center.  They were thirsty, hungry and afraid.

At 5.46 in the morning,  a 7.2 magnitude earthquake hit the city.  Kobe was in shambles- 150,000 buildings were ruined, 1 km of the Hanshin Expressway collapsed, 120 of the 150 quays in the port were destroyed, and fires raged.  It was difficult for help to come in immediately because of the massive destruction.  (In fact, the 45 minute car ride to Kobe from Osaka became a 12 hour journey.)

Moreover, there were no electricity and drinking water.  Every hour, aftershocks could be felt.  Every aftershock, there were loud screaming, dogs barking and people running out from their makeshift shelter to the devasted streets covered in their quilts and blankets.  The whole day, the people of Kobe froze in the middle of winter- uncertain of their fate.

Inside the center, there was an Indian lady in white sari who kept her calm in the midst of the turbulence.  Rajni Daulatram, Brahma Kumaris coordinator for Philippines and Japan was simply observing the situation and meditating.

"Why are you so calm?", asked some people in the community.

"My consciousness is I am an eternal soul.  The soul doesn't die.  If anything happens- only this body dies.", she answered.

"How can you be so stable?", they prodded.

"I have been practicing meditation everyday for 20 years.  I have trained my mind to be calm."

"What is meditation?", they continued to query.

"Meditation is the practice of being the king of the mind.  It also allows one to declutter all the wastes so the mind can think clearly.  Like right now, it is not necessary to worry or question why this is happening.  Of what use is that?"

"Can you teach us how to meditate?", they asked.

"I've been inviting you to come to our center for years and it's only now that you want to learn?  Meditation is not a pill that you can take which will instantly make you feel good.  It requires practice.", she gently explained.

"Please teach us", they pleaded.

So, she did.

"First, stop complaining in your mind.  Put a halt to all your questions."

"Then, remember who you are. I am a peaceful soul and experience that peace."

"Finally, send good wishes to nature because nature helped us survive this calamity."

So, on that fateday day of January 17,1995 the Indian lady in white sari taught meditation to the community in the middle of the rubble and the aftershocks.

Manila, Philippines- June 2015, 20 years after the Kobe earthquake, amidst news of an impending earthquake in Manila, Daulatram invites the public to learn and experience meditation on June 4 at 6pm in Onstage, Greenbelt 1.

She advises,  "It is good that the Philippine government released earthquake safety tips and reminded the citizens to be prepared.  However, preparation for such a calamity must be two-fold: spiritual and physical."

She explains, "Earthquakes happen unexpectedly, you only have some few seconds to respond.  If you are not spritually prepared, you will be scared and confused.  However, if you can keep your mind calm and alert, you will be able to do what is necessary at the right time."

"A daily meditation practice allows one to accumulate peaceful energy which is very useful in times of crisis", she stressed. 

Do you want to learn how to be spiritually prepared?

    

Are you stressed?

"Are you stressed?", this is the question my colonics therapists asked me every single time I go to their clinic. I've had 11 sessions with different therapists doing the procedure and each one of them asked me the same question.

Apparently, by looking at the fluid being excreted, they can detect the acidity in the body.  Yellow color indicates high acidity and therefore stress.

I refused to believe them.  I always answered with a gentle, "No, I'm not stressed.  I meditate daily.  How can I be stressed?"

Then, I would go on and explain, "In physics, stress is equal to pressure over resilience.  Meditation allows me to increase my resilience so I can handle the pressure."

"I cannot be stressed.", I reassured them.

But, I was so stressed that I wasn't able to fly to India for my annual retreat last year.  I was not acknowledging the pressure that was building up inside me (the resilience I stored was not enough to handle it).  Plus, I was sweeping all my pent up emotions under the rug.

It happens to most of us.  So many things are happening that we don't put in the time to sort out our issues, feelings, and capacity to handle the demands of life and work.  We keep on hustling and bustling around- completing tasks, meeting deadlines and taking care of other people that we forget to take care of ourselves.

Then, we can't be as effficient or as creative or as nurturing.

I saw a note which reads:

All too often, we just need to be reminded. :)

What do you think?

They're all dead

All 100 of their kind.  I thought I would see them during this visit but they did not make it.  They weren't able to stand the heat, so they bid adieu to the earth.

I was looking forward to naming each one of the 100 coffee trees we planted 2 months ago.  You see, a friend recently gave me 2 mulberry trees for planting.  Before we parted, she told me to please call the 2 trees, "Anak ng Diyos" (Child of God).  I'm not kidding, I swear.

So, on my way to the farm, I'm thinking that if I'm going to call the 2 trees Anak ng Diyos, Sr. and Anak ng Diyos, Jr, I have to give names to the 100 coffee trees we planted, as well.  

"How will I remember all their names?, I asked myself.  "Will I etch it on their trunk? But that might hurt them.  Using white paint might be the better solution.  But, what names will I give?  Will they each have a different name or just a generic name like Karen and i'll just add in a number.  So, I have Karen1, Karen2 until Karen100." These thoughts ran on my mind as I travel.

I arrived at the farm to see that I have no coffee tree to name.  I asked my father, "How come?".  

"It's too hot lately", he answered.  

I sought a second opinion from my godmother who has a farm in the same village.  She gave the same advice and added, "It's best that you plant when it's raining."

I remembered what my 80 year old friend said when she was convincing me to try farming,  "You will learn to respect the seasons and understand nature.".  

Back in Manila, I hear people complain that it's too hot.  In the boondocks, however, the weather's not merely inconvenient.  It also affects their livelihood but the farmers are simply telling me, "Just plant again when it rains".

Hence, from this day forward, I resolved not to complain or be pulled down by the heat.  

The world is old and so the weather's going haywire- too hot, too cold, too rainy.  I guess, I just have to respect that it's the reality now.

Goodbyes Karens 1-100.  It's ok.  I'll just plant again.

Dearest Mother

"Why do you worry?", I asked my mom.

"Let me worry.  I'm your mother.  It's my job to worry!", she snapped.

I tortured my youngest sister once by making her sit and wait in a corner until she finishes counting to 100.  I knew that my mom is in the other room so I am free to bully her.

She must have bionic ears and super speed because she rescued my little sister from my evil plan before she even counts to 10.

She did punish me once for a grave mistake I can no longer remember.

I was made to kneel down on a winnowing basket (bilao) of mung beans with my two arms outstretched and a glass full of water on each hand (talk about corporal punishment). My siblings would tease me that I've become Miss goody two-shoes after that incident.

But, she's very supportive of  any project which will allow me to grow.

She flew with me out of the country once and took care of all the expenses to simply accompany me to take a test.  I was already working at that time and I can pretty much take care of myself but she insisted (so why not?).

Even if I turn 60, I think I will always be your little girl and you'll always worry about me (and my other siblings) so you should try meditation, mom.

Kidding, I don't want to give you another unsolicited advice.  What I really want to say is,  I now understand that you do what you do because you love me.

Even when we don't see eye to eye at times, please know that I love you too!


P.S.  This is my post Mother's Day greeting.  Sorry, I am 2 days late.  We've just finished the exhibit.  I know you would understand, as always.  I love you, mama!



    

On the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight

image from http://www.telegraph.co.uk

She's the most unlikely Pacquiao fan.  She is way past her 60's, with hair always kept in a tight bun. Think of the quintessential principal stereotype, then you have a picture of her.  Wait, she is a principal!

"I love his determination!", she quips while she watches a Pacquiao-Mayweather promotional video.

De La Hoya, in the clip says, "He is a fighter who never stops throwing punches".

A Filipino-American relates, "Manny Pacquiao is our national hero this time around."

"What makes him a hero?", I ask.

Manny Pacquiao answers my question during his conference prior to this Mayweather-Pacquiao fight, "I came from nothing...".  However, at present, he is hailed as a boxing superstar and an icon recognized the world over.

His story is that of a poor boy from a small province who pushed himself to the top by winning one boxing match after another.  His tale is an inspiration to many, especially to most of his countrymen who live in dire poverty.

I watched his fight today and marvelled how he can take so many punches and yet remain standing.  I saw too how quickly he throws powerful punches and combinations with his hands and how he danced with his feet in the ring.  His why was definitely bigger than his opponent.  "I'm fighting for my country.", says his song.

Today, I learn about the heart of a hero.  A hero is one who fights the good fight.  One who can inspire others by simply being true to who he really is.  A hero gives his all for something bigger than himself.

"Pacquiao is my winner.", says the unlikely Pacquiao fan.  Ask anyone from the Philippines and I think you'll get the same response despite his lost today.

My question now is, how many people can call you their hero?

Ok, let's simplify it a bit, can you call yourself a hero?


P.S.  Please know that when I say 'you', I'm addressing myself, too.