The Red Monster Came Out of Hiding

The journey to self love and healing did not happen overnight.

First, I had to call out my enemy.  

image from medium.com

I have waged war against the television, waste thoughts and even laziness and won.  


I was happily resting on my laurels, proud of what I have accomplished when the red monster crept in from behind and attacked me.  It was so sudden, so unexpected, and so brilliantly strategized.  I was held captive.


The fearsome enemy sneaked unnoticed for years.  It was slowly and secretly building its arsenal and strength. 

image from wikihow

Everytime I choose to keep quiet and follow orders I  do not understand, it becomes stronger.   Whenever I evade the issue and hide in my room, it keeps me company. In the moments I believe that "I cannot do anything right.", it grows bolder.  When I say yes even when in my head I'm screaming "No!", it bellows its evil laugh.  


It masks itself as the keeper of peace.  It's best to agree than cause disharmony, it admonishes.  It says simply blow a wish and everything will be ok.  It cares not if one feels hurt or low. It simply shrugs the inner turmoil and pretends everything is ok (even if it's not). 

image from pinterest

I never thought, I've been feeding the monster of anger for so long.  Not until, I felt so weak I think I'll die.  


In one conversation with friends, it suddenly popped up.  I realized I was so angry, I feel drained.  I was so angry, I'm driving myself to death.  I was so angry, I succumb to depression.


It's been there all along but I have ignored it.  Now, the monster's finally out and I stare into its red hot face.


I have been told that this will happen.  I often hear it in meditation class, "As in ayurvedic medicine, all the illnesses will erupt before it gets better".  

Sister Denise, a senior yogi based in India says that my monsters have  to come out so I can eradicate it.  Then, I will get stronger and tread through life lighter having eliminated the excess baggage.  


Contrary to popular belief that the devil lurks outside, in spirituality, I am taught that I have to drive out the monsters inside of me and extinguish it.  So, I can move closer to my true being- one that is filled with power, peace, purity, love and bliss.


Ok then, let the fight begin. 

image from buzzfeed

And fight the red monster, I did.  

                                              

                                           Meditation on Releasing Anger

 


Now 4 years later, having won my inner battle, I'd like to reach out and help others fight their own monsters.  (Wait, have you identified what your monster is?)  Let me walk you through it in this forum on coping with depression.

Register here

  

OMG! I think was depressed some few years back

I was looking for a photo and so I reviewed my old posts.  I came across this entry from 2014.  It  reminded me of a point in my life when I got depressed. OMG, I totally forgot that phase.

image from alwayslonliness

"You hurt me!", this was my battle cry the whole week I succumbed to depression.


I was angry


I had been keeping in all of my angst for years and one day it just blew up in front of my face.  I felt so angry, I don't know what to do.  So, for a week I locked myself in my room and wallowed in misery ( but I would come down twice a day to eat and yell at the dog- to let my anger out).

I generally keep everything in check except for my hurts. I look at my thoughts, my behavior and my response to things. But, when someone attacks me (confronts, backstabs or fights me), I automatically shut down and feel numb.  I come from a squishy home where my parents have always been very supportive and  protective.  I work in lala land where office politics is unheard of.  So, when I come across mean people, I freeze.

image from lenonhonor.com

I didn't stand up for myself


I spoke to a senior yogi about this.  She  asked, " What do you do when someone doesn't like you or fights with you?"  


"I meditate", I replied. 


"You're not defending yourself!", she answered back.

I have been defenseless for years.  So all the hurt, anger and pain were kept in the inner recesses of my heart.  One day, it came out and swallowed me whole.


I'm so angry at so many people, I don't want to see them.  

image by culturacolectiva.com

I wallowed in my pain


So, I went back home (I don't live with my family) and locked myself up.  In my room, I cried and  blamed everyone who hurt me. 


"Why are they so mean?", I asked. 


"Why didn't someone point this out to me early on."  


I did this blaming game day in and day out for seven days until I realize that I can't blame people for being who they are. 


They are aggressive, controlling and manipulative, yes.  But, there's no way I can change them.  


Even if I plead, "Can you please change because you're encroaching on my space?"  I doubt if they'll transform in an instant simply to accommodate me.  


People have their own issues and  personalities.  I have no control over that.  And, sadly, I don't live in a perfect world with angels and saints.  

There will always be difficult people. The only thing I can do is to toughen up and learn to master the art of standing up for myself. 

image from cloudarticles

I took responsibility

In the end, I realized that I am to blame.  I hurt myself because I allowed others to hurt me.  

Now, I have to power up! 

Meditation on Power by Release Your Wings

After 4 years, I did power up and now I can talk about how to deal with anxiety and depression.  But, I prefer walking you through it.  Join me and my friends in this forum on depression and the journey to self love and healing.

Register here

Do you have a difficult person in your life?

"Do you have a difficult person in your life?”, asked international speaker BK Yogesh Sharda in his recent talk in Manila.

image from fatihresitcivelekoglu.com

I raised my hand along with everybody else in the auditorium.

Well, I don’t think anyone in this world is exempt from dealing with a difficult person or situation.

As Shakespeare puts it, “All the world’s a stage”.  We all play different parts, go through various scenes and interact with other actors- bit players, heroes, heroines, and adversaries.

Sharda shared tools which can help us play our parts the best way how.

image from huffingtonpost.com

1.  Power of Vision

“Whatever you see is what you will think about.  Whatever you think about will influence how you behave.  However you behave will create your life.” 

BK Yogesh explained that many things come in front of us- failures, successes, praise, or criticisms.  All of these things happen outside of us.  Hence, we have no control over these situations.

“What is absolutely in your control is how you choose to see that.”, Sharda asserted.

You can see a scenario as a problem and feel stuck because your focus is on this thing which is blocking your path or you can look at it as an obstacle and ask yourself, “How can I go over it?”.

Another way is to see it as an opportunity to practice what you’re learning or a test to assess what you know or what else you need to pay attention to.

The best perspective is to see it as a gift and look how much this person or situation is blessing you.

2.  Spiritual Theory of Relativity

"Who’s bigger?" 

BK Yogesh drew 2 illustrations on the board.  The first illustration is an arrow of you being smaller the problem and the second one is an arrow of the self being bigger than the problem.

“This may seem absurdly simple but it’s so important”, Sharda shared.

"Cause when we deal with any problem in life, the mistake we make is we fight with the problem. We engage ourselves with the problem.  We try to solve the problem.  Wrong move."

He advised, "Before solving the problem.  First,  I should solve myself.  Start with the self.   Take time to make yourself stronger.  Make yourself bigger."

image from videohive.net

3.  Switch on the light

"Do not curse the darkness but switch on the light."

“Walk towards the light”, shared BK Yogesh

He said that people tend to fight or question a difficult person or situation.  This only leads to increased fear, anxiety and tension. 

Sharda clarified, "Light in this context means self-respect.  Light means to honor the peace which is at the very center of your consciousness."  

He urged everyone to switch on the light of our being and come from our innate values and goodness to dispel the darkness in our lives.  

video by Brahma Kumaris PH

The bullies love me!!!

I’m so sorry for bringing this up- again. I tend to perseverate on certain things until I get it.

Of late, I realized that my bullies (a.k.a.) my siblings love me.

Oh my gosh!  This is a eureka moment.  

I remembered a conversation with a guy friend, a long time ago.

“Don't you get it? He was always teasing her because she wants to get her attention. He likes her!”, he patiently told naive old me.

Now, that I think of it.  This is not the only time I heard this premise.  

And if this is true, this means that my bullies are really my besties!   

So, when my youngest sister warned me, “Ate, be careful you might wake up with a bacon in your mouth” (I’m vegan, by the way.)

image from knowyourmeme

What she’s really saying is, “You’re the best sister ever but let me annoy you so you get the point.”

When my brother told me to go out and eat grass when I’m having dinner with the family (and not eating because I forgot my food), what he really wanted to say was, “I love you sis but let me pretend that I don’t care about you.”

The only thing that still nags me though (given it’s true that the teasing is really their love language) is that I feel hurt whenever they make fun of me lately. It didn’t bother me before. 

I didn’t really mind that I have 5 (younger) siblings who are trying to outsmart and outwit each other in coming up with a vegan or a monk joke.  And, that all of them would laugh out really really (twice for emphasis) loud and in unison when they clinch the punch line.  

Recently though, I wish that they would just vanish in thin air! (I know, it’s not very om.)

image from istockphoto

After some soul searching, I discovered that my fake bullies remind me of the real bullies in my life.  You know, the ones who put you down simply because you came up with a better idea or the ones who can’t accept that you’re bigger than the box they put you in.

To be honest, it’s not even the bullies fault.

I realized that I was hurt because my ego was hurt.  

Simply put, I think ego is the mask you put when you face the world.  Most of the time, we put on the best mask but then the negative comments and vibe we get from others, scratches that mask.  The labels and names they call us stick on the surface of our masks like smudge.

image from favim.com

For me, it hurts because behind my strong and confident facade, there are still traces of self-doubt and fear (fainter now but there are still some residues).  I hear my own negative self talk in the derogatory remarks and negative vibe of my bullies.

Lately, I’ve been talking to myself more and spending longer time in silence.

What I discovered, when I dived in my sacred space is that I have this huge heart which is so big it can embrace the world.  My strength also comes from the purity of this heart which only wants to give, understand and accept. 

I revisited who I am- without the mask.  

As I do that more and more, the hurt I’ve accepted from others ebbs away until all the blotches on my mask have been erased.

Moreover, I began to identify more with the loving and powerful soul behind the mask. 

Now, that I  know who I am and I love who I am, the bullies cannot touch me.

P.S.  Need help or inspiration?  This FREE event at Greenbelt 1, July 26, Thursday 6:30-8:30pm might help you. Register online here.

   

Who is Sister Nory?

by Rochette Mabansag-Eusebio

Roch is a friend of the blogger of Nurturing My Spirit, who also happens to be the pro bono delivery girl of Nori's Kitchen. Please know that she wrote this article willingly (she wasn't coerced or bribed). Just so we're clear.  


"Veggie sisig?!",  I was shocked and curious at the same time.  

photo by Jenette Vizcocho

I love sisig but the only type I know is made of pig’s ears.  Not thinking twice, I ordered food from Sister Nori.  She delivers vegetarian food so I didn’t even need to go out of my workplace to get it- healthy and convenient!  What more could I ask for?  Week after week, I ate Sister Nori’s delicious and nutritious meals.  She prepared vegetarian siomai, vegan embutido, vegetarian lasagna, etc.  All were really delicious (Did I mention that earlier? Well, it really is.) and prepared with love. 

So who is Sister Nori, you may ask?  How does she make these yummy, affordable, and not to mention HEALTHY, meals?

I learned from her delivery girl (who also happens to me my co-worker) that Sister Nori spends a lot of time preparing her food. She would buy all the ingredients herself for one and in not just one place.  Apparently, vegetarian food supplies were scattered in different stores in the metro.  She also wanted the kitchen to be quiet while she is preparing and cooking because she is a meditation practitioner (hence the term sister) and meditates even as she cooks.  She would infuse positive energy in the food and eventually to the people who will eat it.  Wow!  How many people do I know who cooks that way?  Zero.  So, I decided that I should one day meet Sister Nori. I wanted to know more about her and her vegetarian/vegan food.

So, I met Sister Nori in a coffee shop one day.  She only ordered a drink that suits her diet.  I was amazed at how she chooses to be healthy wherever she goes.  It had really been a lifestyle for her.  As a young working mom and wife, it had been difficult for me to start that healthy lifestyle with my family.  I ended up ordering fast food especially when we are in a hurry or too hungry to cook. 

So I asked Sister Nori what are some food she can recommend for kids. She suggested the following:

1.  Oyster mushroom in olive oil with soy sauce, vinegar and          sugar dip
2.  Veggie Beef Broccoli
3.  Veggie Barbeque
4.  Vegetarian Lasagna 
4.  Vegetarian Spaghetti with sauce made from fresh tomatoes and shredded carrots

image from google images

She also gave some tips to parents when preparing food

1.  Use baking soda in washing vegetables
2.  Choose fresh ingredients
3.  Simmer to let the flavor of the ingredients to come together
4.  Keep you mind calm and peaceful when preparing                      food 
5.  Cook with love

image from pinterest

It may be more difficult to prepare and cook food from scratch especially for working moms like me. Creativity, as mentioned by Sister Nori, is also needed when preparing vegan food. Careful planning and thinking of possible substitute ingredients are done to make a healthier version of a common dish. 

I heard in one of the talks that I regularly attend to that sacrifice is part of preparing a meal—from buying ingredients, to preparing it and up to the actual cooking. It is a sacrifice that parents do for their children. It is our responsibility as parents to provide nutritious food that will nourish not only the body but the soul and mind, so why not give our 100%?  

Vegan food is definitely not for every family but I believe our children deserve the best that we could offer.

Sister Nory is going to open the doors of her kitchen to everyone- after cooking for friends and acquaintances only for 15 years.  

She has two classes this weeked.  On Saturday, she is going to veganize good old Pinoy favorites like adobo, menudo and afritada.  On Sunday, she will make different flavors using her favorite meat alternative- mushroom.  

Nori's Kitchen is giving a rainy day promo.  Pay only P2,500 if you book online here.

BOOK ONLINE HERE

BOOK ONLINE HERE

  

I just survived a trip with my family!

My mom & my siblings will launch a vehement protest on this (my father's always neutral)  but I cannot think of a more apt statement.

It felt as though I was transported back to high school.

We'd wake each other up in the morning and cajole each other to take a bath.  (I go back to sleep after dawn meditation).  Ate Con, Mama and Papa are up and about like roosters while the rest of us need the alarm of a hundred gongs.  Since we're a big family, it will take 2 hours for everyone to be ready. 

Some are patiently waiting. The others will get upset. Then, we'll all reconcile when we get going.

The next commotion happens when we decide on the itinerary for the day after breakfast. We bicker like little kids, each one pushing for his/her agenda before we reach a compromise. (There's this unwritten rule that we always have to be together this family trip.)

Then somewhere in between, someone loses a ticket, a passport or gets lost.  Initially, hell breaks loose.  Then, eventually we'd huddle to get out of the rut.

Of course, there will always be the teasing and the I-want-to-interfere-with-your-choices-drama. 

"Ate Karen, why are you wearing the same top everyday?"

"I have 5 of these white shirts!"

"You haven't eaten the whole day."

"I've been drinking fresh juices the whole day. It's actually healthier than your food.”

"Why is your face like that? Can you please get a facial?"

"Can you please leave my face alone?”

Most of our photos look like this. And we are generally happy to be together.

But sometimes, being with the people I'm most familiar with actually feels like this. (My siblings urged me to meditate by this tree. I didn't know they have a sinister plan.)

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed being with my family.  It's just that, I have to stand my ground firmer when I'm around them. 

I think we have strings and even webs of attachment to the ones closest to us. They can pull these strings more strongly than others. And when we feel the yank, we react without filtering or sugarcoating.

There's very few things which can upset me nowadays. I guess I've matured. But what my parents and siblings say or do still pinches or flatters my heart.

A true yogi remains equal either in praise or defamation.

I guess I'm not yet a yogi.

At least, I now know what I still need to work on. 

Detachment...being loving with clinging, involved yet not dependent.

meditation by Release Your Wings