The Red Monster Came Out of Hiding

cartoon from http://www.clipartbest.com

I have waged war against the television (How to kill addiction) , waste thoughts (Thinking positively works) and even laziness(Who's your nemesis?) and won.  I was happily resting on my laurels, proud of what I have accomplished when the red monster crept in from behind and attacked me.  It was so sudden, so unexpected, and so brilliantly strategized.  I was held captive.

The fearsome enemy sneaked unnoticed for years.  It was slowly and secretly building its arsenal and strength.  Everytime I chose to keep quiet and follow orders I  do not understand, it becomes stronger.   Whenever I choose to evade the issue and hide in my room, it keeps me company.  In the moments I believe that "I cannot do anything right.", it grows bolder.  When I say yes even when in my head I'm screaming "No!", it bellows its evil laugh.  It masks itself as the keeper of peace.  It's best to agree than cause disharmony, it admonishes.  It says simply blow a wish and everything will be ok.  It cares not if one feels hurt or low. It simply shrugs the inner turmoil and pretends everything is ok (even if it's not).

I never thought, I've been feeding the monster of anger for so long.  Not until, I felt so weak I think I'll die.  In one conversation with friends, it suddenly popped up.  I realized that I was so angry I'm driving myself to death.  I am so angry, it's using up all of my energy. I am so angry I got depressed.

It's been there all along but I have ignored it.  Now, the monster's finally out and I stare into its red hot face.

I have been told that this will happen.  I often hear it in meditation class, "As in ayurvedic medicine, all the illnesses will erupt before it gets better".  Sister Denise, a senior sister based in India says that my monsters have  to come out so I can eradicate it.  Then, I will get stronger and tread through life lighter having eliminated the excess baggage.  Contrary to popular belief that the devil lurks outside, in spirituality, I am taught that I have to drive out the monsters inside of me and extinguish it.  So, I can move closer to my true being- one that is filled with power, peace, purity, love and bliss.

 Ok then, let the fight begin.

                                                           video from easymeditation

What I learned from watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’

cartoon from http://lastlemon.com

I am a Marshall

I shouldn’t let people push me around

Sometimes, it’s ok to go nuclear

I need to say NO

More often

Like Ted 

But, I have to stop blurting all the right things

Like Lily

I’m not smarter than everybody else (ok, probably just a little)

I don’t think I’ll ever grow up like Barney (and it's ok)

But, I have to learn to choose which challenge to accept

And complete it

I need to speak my mind more

Like Robin

“Hello world, I am a toughie!”

Not really that strong yet

But, I will be

You’ll see

                                                                 video from easy meditation

I missed my plane to India so I can whine if I want to

image from http://1.bp.blogspot.com

                                         

I actually gave myself full permission to take leave from work, rant or even throw tantrums to let go of any trace of regret or ill feeling about the cancellation but I did nothing of that sort. Surprisingly, I was perfectly cool with it.  

Well, I decided not to board the plane 2 weeks prior to my scheduled departure. I just knew that my body cannot handle the long trip ( just for now. my doctor says I'll live. :) ).  I sat down and meditated to confirm my decision.  My spirit agreed, it is the right thing to do.

It was a big lost for me though.  It felt as though I missed my Christmas since it is the one thing I look forward to every Madhuban season just as a child's giddy about the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year.  And, I have never missed a single season (the university opens its doors to foreign students from October to April) since I became a student of meditation.  I also prepared for it for 6 months prior to the supposed trip.  As in any reputable school, students had to qualify to be admitted.  Not to mention, the thousands of pesos which just flew out the window when I missed my flight (just learned that promo fares cannot be refunded and it costs twice as much when you opt for rebooking).

Inspite of all that, I wasn't sad, mad or disappointed.  There was simply a calm and gentle acceptance of the situation.

It is what it is. No qualms, resistance, or objection.  Oh my gosh!  I think I finally imbue "om shanti" (I am a peaceful soul).