I haven’t gone to the dark side

image from  teepublic.com

Please don’t get me wrong.  

Although my two previous posts weren’t about shanti (peace) at all, I still believe in the power of om (soul). 

I feel though that it is important to embrace both my light and dark sides if I am to move forward in the spiritual path.  

Then, I can face my inner monsters squarely and banish them into oblivion.

I am reminded of a recent class of Sister Denise Lawrence, the first raja yoga  student outside of India.

“There are demons inside...We do a lot of finger wagging. I think we shouldn’t do that.”

“We also do a lot of waste thoughts like “This is wrong with me.”, “That is wrong with you.”

"Focusing on defects that way, I’m not in favor of....We have to fight our inner demons.”

“How can we be heroes if we don’t play out the work of facing our inner demons?”

meditation from Release Your Wings

How to break the glass ceiling

image from mtv.com

I figured it out!

At dawn, when I sat down for meditation, I felt a big boulder over my chest and I felt very heavy.

My glass ceiling had finally revealed itself.

And, it is ugly.  

In fact, it is the ugliest monster I’ve seen so far.

It is a black sink hole of self-doubt.  

“You are not good enough!”, it screams.

I thought I’ve slayed this monster a long time ago.  Apparently, I only made it sleep.

Now, it hangs like a huge eclipse over my heart.

I took my swords of knowledge and yoga out and began to fight.

As of writing, I am still fighting the beast.

Worry not, looks like I will survive this.

How about you, do you know what stops you?

meditation by Release Your Wings

On hitting the glasss ceiling

image from goodnewsfl.org

I’ve always considered myself to be brave.  I’m stubborn as hell (sorry for the term, I cannot find anything more apt) if I really want to make something happen and  I am willing to die for something I believe in- literally.  

Of late, I find it hard to move forward in my spiritual journey and in life in general.  It’s as though there’s an invisible force field blocking my path.  Even though, I take steps forward, I bump this invisible wall and I feel stuck.  I move forward again and I bounce right back where I started.  

I couldn’t figure out what’s wrong until I attended a retreat in Tagaytay. 

“There was a point in my journey when I hit a glass ceiling and I have to break free from it.”, shared Bro. Neville from London.

“There was this dependency in my subconscious which I couldn’t see... I was suppressing it...For a long while I deluded myself into thinking I’m ok.”, he opened up.

It took him years to identify his glass ceiling because he was sweeping his feelings under the rug.

“I didn’t know I was grieving inside because I lost a certain identity I held too tightly on.“

When he finally faced his monster, he vividly saw it as a black mass with intersecting tendrils over his brain and he had to painstakingly remove it in tapasya (deep yoga).

From his experience, I learned that the key is to identify that thing which stops me and only then can I work on freeing myself from the glass ceiling.

meditation by Release Your Wings

Follow Your Heart

We've seen each other during retreats and meditation classes, but we've never really sat down and talked.  We've only exchanged smiles--- until this day.

We had lunch together at the meditation center in Tagaytay.  As usual, she came in sans make-up and the celebrity status.  "I'm really a quiet person", she opened up.  I wanted to retort back, "I am too. So, bye I'll leave you with your thoughts".

The Interview

But something held me back, instead I asked a question then another and another until I got to know her story.

"I always hear sing from the soul. I don't really know what that means until I learn to meditate.  Before, when I sing it's only the body which sings but now every fabric of my being sings", she shared.

You see, in raja yoga meditation, the first concept taught is that of  "om" (I am a soul).  I am a being of peace, power, purity, love and bliss.  I am here in this world to simply express and experience these qualities. However, as we go through life's journey we forget who we really are.  Meditation teaches us to simply go back to who I really am (a soul).

She then related that pursuing what she loves was a difficult process.  "I was raised and trained to be a business person.  I finished business school.  Afterwards, I worked in the corporate world for five years.  But, it was not a world I want to be in.  In my heart, I am an artist."

The Move

How did you move from corporate to showbiz?, I queried.

"There was a year when I withdrew from everything.  I didn't speak at all and would only use sign language to communicate.  I kept on working on the family business but in my head I was planning my career.  I was dreaming and building everything in my mind."

Anthea Church, author of Inner Space had a similar experience.  She called it digesting time.  She wrote, "It cleared my mind so that when my moment came, I could hear clearly"

The same moment came to Timmy Cruz when she clearly knew that she had to follow her passion.  She had to run away from home though.  Without her family's support,  little savings and fierce determination she carved a name for herself in only a year and a half.

It was not easy though.  To make sure that she survives until the next gig she would only spend P50 a day on herself and save everything else.  She would eat at the event where she is performing so she saves on food.  And, she never revealed her age.  In an industry which worships youth, admitting that she was 26 years old when she started her career is suicide.

The Secret

How did you make it?, I asked.  I really wanted to know her route- step by step (just so i know but trust me I'm not planning on being a celebrity)  

"I simply followed my heart",

 was her short reply.

I guess, it is true what they say that when the why is big enough the how is easy.


P.S. This is a repost from my blog last August 11, 2014. 

P.S.S. If you want to learn from this yogi, you are invited to a one day retreat this Saturday in Quezon City.  For similar events happening in different parts of the globe, please click here.

“What is the essence of being a woman?”

screenshot from Release Your Wings

That question was asked during the Miss Universe pageant circa 1994.  

“Just being a woman is God's gift that all of us must appreciate. The origin of a child is a mother, and is a woman. She shows a man what sharing, caring and loving is all about. That is the essence of a woman.”, answered Sushmita Sen of India, Miss Universe 1994

22 years later, her answer still rings true.  

Indeed,  it is very natural for a woman to nurture and take care of another person- whether that one is her child or not.

It is very easy to put another person first before her needs.

She does not find it demeaning to serve the other person.

This ability to bend to the other (and often to many others) like the bamboo tree flexes no matter how high it is, is the greatness of a mother.

In it lies her strength too.   

To everyone who has mothered another soul... 

whether you are male or female

whether you’ve given birth to a child or not

whether you think that beauty pageants make women conform to a superficial standard of beauty (hear! hear!)

Happy Mother’s Day! 

    

meditation by Release Your Wings

Be brave little one

meditation by Release Your Wings

“If you only do what you can do
You can never be more than what you are now”
Says Shifu to Po


I cannot agree more
But it’s so much easier to stay 
In the comfort of the familiar


You can navigate around
Even with closed eyes
You always have a lifeline to call


And it is hard to go
To the unknown
Brave unchartered territories


What if I fizzle out in the sun
What if dangers lie beyond
What if I fail


But what if you meet your best self
What if the grass is greener on the other side
What if the experience will expand you


They say the next worst thing to failing
Is not even trying
Won’t you at least try


P.S.  I talk to myself- a lot.  This is one of those instances.

 image from thewastedwanderer

3 Things I learned when I travelled solo

Unlike Eponine of Les Miserables, I wasn't singing "On My Own" in utter despair and hopelessness when I embarked on my first solo trip of late.    

The song which played in my head was "I feel good!(tananananananan...)".  

Here are the top things I learned: 

image from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com

1.  It’s not that scary

Well, I went to a place I’m really comfortable with to begin with- India!  I had been there five other times and the local students of the meditation center I go to always pick me up to and fro the airport and arrange the other transfers.  Since I would go there annually, it feels like home and there are always local people I can call if necessary.

Tips:
*  Be alert.  When riding public transportation or while moving about, be on the look out for restless people- those who are pacing back and forth or with eyes darting from left to right.  Often, they are checking the field and are on the look out for policemen to see whether or not they can pursue their evil plan.  Go down the vehicle, move away from them or go near enforcers if ever you come across them. 

* Be simple.  Dress conservatively. Leave your bling blings at home.  Try not to attract attention to yourself.  This is the best prevention against the bad guys.


2.  I can talk to strangers

Contrary to my mother's advice, I learned that it’s ok to talk to strangers.  Some strangers I sat adjacent to in airplanes have very interesting stories.  Strangers I met in Mount Abu during my annual retreats eventually became close friends.

Tips:
* Be discerning.  Use your detective skills to know if it’s safe to talk to a particular person or if they want to converse with you.  Trust your intuition.
*  Never leave your drinks with a stranger, accept food from them, or ride in their car- for precaution.



3.  I love my company

Travelling on my own allowed me to simply be with myself.  There was no need to consider other people’s preference or accommodate their needs.  It simplified a lot of things.  It also gave me a chance to sit down with myself and clear certain things.  I really enjoyed the silence, too.

Tips:
* Give yourself me-times.  Practice being comfortable with your own company  before travelling solo.
* Enjoy the journey.  If you catch yourself thinking, “I wish this loved one is with me”- stop.  Remember, this trip is really for you and relish every bit of it.


I will definitely travel on my own again!  

meditation by Release Your Wings

P.S.  This is my last post on my retreat to India.  Unlike the short but myriad anecdotes I usually share with you before, my reflection on this recent trip is unfolding into one long story.  It looks like it will take a while for me to finish it.    

I love take offs

It reminds me of what it takes to fly.

First, the plane has to run non-stop at a fast speed on the runway. Then, it goes off the ground.  Finally, it flies up up and away to the sky.  

Once you’re rubbing elbows with the clouds, when you look down, everything as in every thing down under is so miniscule- even the tallest of mountains.

image from avionale.com

That is what my journey looks like this time around when I went to Mount Abu, India for my annual retreat.

At first, along with 900 foreigners from 50 countries, I was running to get up at 3:30am daily for the dawn meditation (30 minutes earlier than my usual schedule), running to attend the early meditation class at 6:30am after queueing up for my turn in the bathroom (I was sharing a big room with 6 other people initially) and running to get to the bus station on time so I can attend the morning and afternoon classes with senior yogis in the main campus  (I was billetted in the oldest campus, ~15 minutes away from the main campus).

Then, after a while, everything moves like clockwork.  I wake up even before my alarm rings (often hours before).  Suddenly, there’s no need to queue up in the bathroom.  And, I show up at the bus station 10 minutes prior its scheduled departure. (I was usually the last one running and waving for them to wait up.)

After putting in consistent effort for spiritual study, I felt that the soul is flying- high above my gigantic concerns at work, volunteer work 

and home.  

From that space, even the biggest of obstacles seem like an ant I can pinch (though I don’t kill ants or any living thing for that matter)  

The challenge now is to continue flying as I face the mundane.

meditation from release your wings

  

   

I looked at depression in the eye

It is ugly 
I tell you
It can make an energizer bunny
Into a zombie


It is a thief
It steals the spark 
In the eyes of its victims 
And leaves them in the dark


It is like a quicksand
It draws them deep 
Into the mud of what ifs and what could haves
Of whys and how comes


It is a predator
It kills its prey
Leaves them lifeless
And in coma


I tried to shake her out of it
I shouted as loud as I can so she would wake up
I begged her to see the bright side
I gave her the best advice I can find in my toolbox


But she was in so deep
Nothing could bring her back to life
Not even the man in white suit
Or the potions he recommends


“It cannot happen to her!”
I protested
I never thought I am capable of anger
Until that moment


For a time
I kept my distance
I could not stand being in the same space
I refused to see her deteriorate before my eyes


It hurts
Because she is the best among us
She can rule the world
If she wants to


I cry
Because she’s so close to me
I know her lofty dreams and ambitions
And I believe in her with all my heart


After a long while
I’ve learned 
To be present when I’m needed
And move away when she needs space


I remind myself to keep mum
When she complains
And just listen
Even when I have a long speech prepared


I try
To understand her instead
She looks well
But deep inside she’s broken 


I saw once
How love heals
I will try that again
Along with faith that she will come back to life



P.S.  If you are also going through something or if you simply want to take a retreat, this might help.  You may register online at www.tagaytayretreatcenter.org 

 

  

Are you really free?

image from www.pinterest.com

I hate my life!, she mutttered exasperatedly while she typed.

I was sitting right next to her.  We were talking about her woes earlier.

Can you relax first before you finish that transaction?, I gently reminded her.

But what I really want to say is this.

Sometimes, pounding on something really hard never works.

You get tired.

Then, you lose your enthusiasm.

And, you forget there are other nails worth pounding.

You become the carpenter who works eight days a week and forgets that he is also a dancer who loves to salsa, a friend who enjoys hanging out with his crew or a traveler who enjoys adventure.

Your view becomes limited as you fixate on that one thing.

And the longer you don’t get it, the higher your anxiety rises.

They say, Good things come to those who wait.

I say, Good things come to those who are ready for that good thing.

How can an opportunity swing by if you have closed your door by thinking of all the wrong things which happened, questioning why you haven't gotten what you wanted or by grinding your teeth in anticipation because it’s taking so long.

One has to open the door to allow good things to happen.  That entails acceptance of what is, looking at the brightside and trusting that whatever will happen is for the best.

Set what you are holding too tightly free.

If it's your right, it will come to you.  In the meantime, can you please wait happily? 

meditation by Release Your Wings

P.S.  Please know that when I say you, I'm addressing myself too.  More often than not, I write about the lessons I need to learn, as well.