White Lady

Painting by Marina Petro 

I was eating dinner by my lone self in a huge hall (imagine a portion of Hogwarts dining hall, uhmm...more or less a quarter of it).  I only switched on the bulb directly above me and kept the corridor lights dim.

Adjacent the area is the foyer enclosed by a glass window which allowed me to view the garden outside.  I caught a glimpse of someone in white moving in the garden.  "That's weird", I thought.  I knew that everybody's meditating upstairs.  I squirmed on my seat to directly face the window 5 feet away.  The lady in white stared at me.  I quickly shifted my position and turned away.  In my peripheral view, I saw the lady move as well.  I faced the window again.  She did the same.  At this point, I was amazed that I'm not shrieking my lungs out.  (Has meditating made me this calm?)  Slowly, I moved closer and looked intently to gaze at my own face reflected on the glass window.

I realized that in life, the scariest thing of all is facing my own shadow.  Before, I would do all sorts of things to escape it- play, party, work, sleep, watch tv, work some more.  When I'm alone, the thoughts of what happened, what could have been, what if, and what will happen just kept on coming.  I would drown the voice in my head with incessant busyness or sleep to escape.

It's easier to just move away from it.  Or so I thought.

The issues just kept on piling up and and sooner or later it hounded me.  End result, my life got stuck then it spiralled down.  I felt lost and empty.  When I hit rock bottom, I turned to spirituality.

There, I learned how to face my own demons, hold it by its horns, and purl it around before throwing it into oblivion.  End result:  a significant decrease of baggage thus I now tread through life lightly and happily as I focus on what really matters.  

This too shall pass

I can emphatically deliver this line while looking out to nowhere (for more dramatic effect) or I can excitedly exclaim, "What's my present?!".

My meditation teacher says, "After the storm there's a gift".  Experience tells me that it's true.  So, everytime I am facing a challenge, I am more cheerful than gloomy.  "Why do I feel that you are happy that you are going through this?", asked a friend after I shared to her.

Why not?  I often come out stronger and better after an upheaval.  For me, it's always been a gift.

Just like the gloomy sky. The dark clouds will cover the sun and the clear bright sky but it will soon pass, leaving the horizon more radiant than ever before.

I always look forward to the brighter sky and am not just waiting for the dark clouds to disappear.  

I watched the rain today

I was in the garden of the retreat center when the foreboding signal of rain came- cold breeze and gloomy sky.  I was crossed between going back inside or staying on the sofa outside to watch the impending downpour.  I chose the latter.  While waiting, I realized that I haven't watched the rain for the longest time (probably around a decade).  Just as soon as the thought came, as if on cue, the rain  gently fell to the ground for a good 20 seconds.  Nothing spectacular happened.  The raindrops touched the ground in its usual linear pattern.

The garden I watered last week was different though (I volunteer in the center on my weekends).  The dry brownish grass with a splash of green had turned into a green carpet with a sprinkle of brown.  The plants looked happier in their more vibrant colors and the flowers were in bloom. (It's been raining for a week, I've heard.)

After scanning the garden, I couldn't help but look up to see where the rain came from.

I hope that I could be like the rain.  It's short presence (for a week) had made the garden more beautiful and made me remember to look up to the Source.

My wish is that you be the same as the rain too, connected to the One, a blessing for others and a reminder for them to look above.