I Love Me!

I've been trying to understand why I have to change.  It's so difficult!  Sometimes, (like right now) I'd rather revert to my old ways.  It's so much easier that way.


At the moment, I can very well sympathize with how Arjuna of the Bhagavad Gita feels before the great war begins.  His words express my sentiments,  "My limbs sink, my mouth is parched, my body trembles, the hair bristles on my flesh. The Magic bow slips from my hand, my skin burns, I cannot stand still, my mind reels."


I rather not fight this inner battle.  Why can I not just let things be?  Why get out of my comfort zone?  Why struggle?


I really need to understand!


I've been doing some soul searching these past few days.  Deep inside, I know I need to find my why so I can move forward (and it has to be a very strong why).


Before the day ends, I have discovered my why in 3 words,            I LOVE ME!.  "Seek and you shall find" proves to be true after all.


I deserve the best!  I so love me!

I got a note from my  life coach (i'm a self-development junkie, in case you haven't figured it out) at the end of a leadership course, it reads: I DESERVE THE BEST!  I wept buckets when I read it.  It hits my heart like an arrow because I have short changed myself so many times.  I often tell myself, "Ok na yan!" or "This is enough." or "Let's just stay where it's comfortable.".  I have settled for crumbs and the sidelines for so long that's why my heart aches.  The note just echoes what my heart has been screaming for, "I deserve the best!"  So, from now on, no more settling.  I shall not rest until I become the best me.  That means, all the bad stuff must go.


It's time to level up!  "Self, let's get better!"

They say life teaches lessons.  Funny thing is, tests come and  will keep coming until I get the lesson.  So, the challenges are really exams for me so I can get the point.  It can really be tiring and boring to get the same test over and over (even if it's masks in various scenarios).  So, I say, "Self, let's finish this one so we can move up a notch!  We don't want to get stuck, do we?".


It's just a small thing. No biggie!

I've been listening to Bro. Jagdish's classes.  He says even if you are facing a mountain, imagine that it's just made of cotton and you can easily pass through.  "You have the power to make anything smaller", he emphasized.  "Our Teacher tells us to consider obstacles to be a paper tiger so there's really no need to be afraid."  Finally, he stressed out it is written in last stanza of the Gita that  Arjuna will definitely be victorious because God is on his side.  In the same way, if I just keep God's company, everything will be a breeze.

I love me!  I love me!  I love me!  I love myself so much that I will bravely face and conquer my biggest enemies- my fears and my weaknesses.  Game on! 

Who's Your Nemesis?

Mine is carelessness and laziness.

I figured out that I love comfort and so I sometimes I put it first even before the deadliest deadline.  Then, I would cram like crazy when "the hour" comes.

Conquering of the Enemy

I know I should change it.  It's my kryptonite (i'm coming from the perspective that I'm a hero as explained in the previous post).  I understand that I lose my power when I succumb to it.

But it's so deceiving like the Hydra, that monster of Greek mythology whose head multiplies when slashed.  I would conquer the dreaded beast in a week- like wake up as soon as my alarm rings, submit all my papers on time, and come to work before time (not 5 minutes after) and then it would come up again the next day.  It can be frustrating.  

But I guess, the main weakness of any human being operates like that.  It keeps on coming back because the habit has been instilled for years, for several lifetimes even.  And so the roots run deep.  

So I thought,  "Let me check out what Hercules did to kill the opponent."  Legend claimed that he asked for help!  He made Iolaus burn the severed head with a flaming torch then he crushed and tore the main head (which remains unharmed if attacked with a weapon) before burying it deep in the ground.  

So, i'll try to do the same.  First, I will ask help from The Source.  Then,  I will burn my antagonist (carelessness and laziness) in the fire of yoga (meditation) before throwing it into the abyss.   

The 5 Thieves

How about you?  Have you figured out who your adversary is?

We often  externalize things.  We have been brainwashed into thinking that the enemy lurks outside.  Truth is, it in inside of us.

I learned in raja yoga meditation that our enemies are the vices.  It  may be in any of the 5 categories:        

1. Anger says "I am right.  You are wrong!".  So it feels offended, insults, blames, criticizes, and judges.  Relative of anger includes: dislike, irritation, revenge, resentment, bitterness, animosity, and distrust among others.      

 
2. Lust says "You exist to please me!"  And it says this line to things and people alike.  Lust is a slave to the 5 senses and it lives life "drinking, eating, and being merry", often at the expense of others because it thinks only of the satisfaction of the physical self  (which can never ever be satisfied and just keeps on wanting).

3. Greed says "I want more and more and more!"  It is always hungry because it is empty inside.  It thinks that collecting more trophies in the form of gadgets, money, luxurious items, other possessions, and even relationships to fill in the inner vacuum.  

4. Attachment says "You belong to me and to me alone!"  It sticks to its prey like a leech and never lets go.  It's is afraid of being not needed, letting the other be on his own, and of standing on his own two feet.           

5. Ego says "I am better than you or I am not enough".  It swings from superiority to inferiority because at it's core lies a deep insecurity.  Ego holds on to the false self.  It associates itself too much to what can be seen, tasted, heard, and touched so it always looks for comfort, praise, reassurance, even pity, consolation, and help.

My Struggle

I think that careless and laziness is a subtle form of ego because it feeds on comfort.  It is very selfish because it does not consider consequences of its action on the self and others.  It is like a spoiled brat whining, "I want this! I want that" without ever discerning if it's good or bad.   

Knowing who my nemesis is, is the first step to winning the inner battle and letting the hero within shine.  It took me careful scrutiny and reflection to pinpoint it accurately.

I hope that you also find the time to check yourself and then take steps of courage to change.