Surrender

image from http://blog.ewomennetwork.com

I love that word. I first heard of it (as a virtue) in a leadership seminar 7 years ago and I have loved it ever since but I only fully realized what it meant lately.

The Struggle
I've been battling a disease for the last 2 years- it's zapping my energy and the doctors have different opinions about it.  My Chinese doctor says it's Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. Just by the name, it looks like I will die anytime soon.  My medical doctor, on the other hand thinks it's a mere vitamin deficiency.

Initially, I tried the natural way of boiling Chinese herbs and drinking it's bitter juice for 6 months to no avail (but it really works for some people I know).  I shifted to the Western medicine where I get weekly Vitamin B shots and was simply advised to increase my food intake.  I noticed improvements but the weakness still persists (this is a big deal 'cause I used to be like an Energizer bunny).  Though, I felt a lot better knowing that I'm not a terminal case.

Recently, for the last 2 weeks, I wake up every single day with a slight fever but I would dismiss it and go about my usual routine. I will still wake up at 4am though I can only sit for meditation for 30 minutes or less (I can do it for an hour before).  Then, my body pulls me right back to sleep.  I will set my alarm at 5.30am so I can come to meditation class at 6.30am. I cannot urge my body to get up right away though, so, I end up coming in late for 15-20 minutes.  After class,  I  go to work for 8 hours and after that, my body just wants to lie down and rest. But, I'll still push it to attend to the concerns of the non-profit organization we've started.

I'll make-up and simply rest during my 3 day weekends (as in, literally do nothing).  However, when my body refused to stand up one morning (it simply remained glue to the bed for hours and hours on end), I decided to change course and see a naturopathic doctor.  Since my mind-over-matter mantra and current medication's not working, I think it's about time for change.

The Cure
That fateful morning, I still attended meditation class though I'm an hour late. Before the class ended, our elder sister told us to write down our current obstacle in a sheet of paper and offer it to the Father. I immediately wrote down, sickness of the body. After the class and our Sunday morning breakfast, I just had the feeling that I ought to ask the sister sitting beside me in class about the colonics therapy she went through (though I'm set on seeing another doctor).  She animated told me about alternative medicine and offered to bring me to the clinic where she goes.  I trusted my guts and took her offer.

I came in first for assessment where the naturopathic doctor told me that my cells aren't healthy. In fact, my red blood cells were clustered when it should be far apart, it's moving rather slowly and appears pale.  I was immediately given a program and supplementation.  I opted to start that same day.  I had a Vitamin C drip where they give me 500ml of Vitamin C intravenously and a colonics procedure where they flush a huge amount of water in my intestine to take out the debris which have been deposited there throughout the years.  I was also asked to take in 8 glasses of  juice daily.   I was not expecting much. So, I was surprised that I woke up at 3am the following day- an hour earlier than my set alarm. I wasn't getting sleepy or drowsy so I was able to meditate for 1 1/2 hours (i'm nuts about yoga, so this is huge! think of it as getting 2 extra scoops of ice cream when you're only expecting a tablespoon). And I'm still not sleepy after that!!! (3 exclamation points 'cause I was really surprised at my body's immediate recovery).  So, I prepared for meditation class and work after. And for the first time in weeks (or is it months?), I came on time.

The Magic
All it took was one day, and just like that I felt that my energy's renewed.  After more than 2 years, I think I found the right road back to wellness.  On second thought, it was not my doing.  I surrendered it first and then the right answer came.

Now, I realize that all along I've been trying to take care of the situation all by myself. It's when I let go and then let God that everything's immediately resolved like magic! Aaaaaah, the beauty of surrender. I should do this more often.