How to deal with bullies

“You have to apologize to me.”, I demanded in a calm yet firm voice.

It wasn’t anything big really.

My friend was just accusing me of something I didn’t do for the nth time this week.  Most of the time, I would just let it go.  

There are battles I choose not to fight.  I’m working on changing the world (or so I thought ;) ), I don’t need to meddle with petty things, I often tell myself.  

But this time, I’ve had it.  And so, I pointed out her mistake matter-of-factly.  I wasn’t angry.  I was just standing up for myself.

photo from google images

The celebration

In my head, there’s a celebration.

“OMG!!! Good job, Karen!”

“Did you know that this is probably the first time you asked someone to apologize to you?! Woohoo!!!”

“I think you’re getting the hang of  being the strong one (I’m always Miss Zen or Miss Goody Two Shoes).”

I’m working on power this year, you see.  

I realized, some people (by that I mean bullies) treat me like a doormat or a milking cow if I’m too gentle, accepting and giving.  There’s always a need for balance.  Otherwise, people can abuse kindness. 

photo from google images

The thing with bullies 

I’ve always been strong (I think).  It’s just that I never really like arguing or hurting anyone (or any being for that matter- even insects and ants).  I’ve always been quiet and meek.

The thing with bullies is that they like to prey on the quiet and the meek.  It makes their insecure-self seem bigger than what it is.

And, I maybe quiet and meek but I love creating and making ideas come to life.  I also have so many interests at a given time.  Say for now, I like writing, volunteering, teaching, organizing events, creating workshops and retreats, facilitating workshops and retreats, creating a merchandise, interviewing people, meditating, doing yoga and being with friends and family. 

And it’s not just in my head, I’m actually engaged in many different things.  Over the years, I’ve learned how to prioritize and delegate.  So, I manage to live my life in a slow and somehow organized pace at the moment- even with many things on my plate.

I wasn’t calm or collected in my earlier years though.  I was all over the place.  I was like a clown juggling too many balls and making a fool of myself.  I was different and I would stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd. 

The thing with bullies is they also like to pick on the weird one. 

And so, I became a target of relentless jokes and pestering.  I was also not invited to the cool parties.     

I really don’t mind. 

They were merely joking around.  No harm done (or so  I thought).

Recently though, I met someone from my past.  We were talking about collaborating on a project.  I was explaining to her why I’m doing what I’m doing, when it just occurred to me that I was deeply hurt by the jokes and banters.  I realized that I was so hurt for feeling ostracized that I don’t want anybody to feel left out!  

So, thank you bullies!  If not for you, I wouldn’t have the drive I have.

photo from google images

Thank you, meditation

My other saving grace too, was meditation.

  

I wouldn’t learn to focus my hyperactive mind, without it.

I wouldn’t fully understand my true value.

I wouldn’t learn to stand up for myself.

I wouldn’t have the habit of reflecting and then working on self mastery.

So, thank you meditation!

                   Sister Jayanti shares why she started meditating  

If you want to try out if meditation can help you too,  I would like to invite you to this special event with leading psychiatrist, Dr. Rene Samaniego and European Director for Brahma Kumaris, BK Jayanti Kirplani.  

Please register here to get a ticket.    

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