“You have to apologize to me.”, I demanded
in a calm yet firm voice.
It wasn’t anything big really.
My friend was just accusing me of something
I didn’t do for the nth time this week.
Most of the time, I would just let it go.
There are battles I choose not to fight. I’m working on changing the world (or so I thought ;) ), I don’t need to meddle with petty things, I often tell myself.
But this time, I’ve had it. And so, I pointed out her mistake matter-of-factly. I wasn’t angry. I was just standing up for myself.
There are battles I choose not to fight. I’m working on changing the world (or so I thought ;) ), I don’t need to meddle with petty things, I often tell myself.
But this time, I’ve had it. And so, I pointed out her mistake matter-of-factly. I wasn’t angry. I was just standing up for myself.
The celebration
In my head, there’s a celebration.
“OMG!!! Good job, Karen!”
“Did you know that this is probably the
first time you asked someone to apologize to you?! Woohoo!!!”
“I think you’re getting the hang of being the strong one (I’m always Miss Zen or
Miss Goody Two Shoes).”
I’m working on power this
year, you see.
I realized, some people (by that I
mean bullies) treat me like a doormat or a milking cow if I’m too gentle,
accepting and giving. There’s always a
need for balance. Otherwise, people can
abuse kindness.
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| photo from google images |
The thing with bullies
I’ve always been strong (I think). It’s just that I never really like arguing or
hurting anyone (or any being for that matter- even insects and ants). I’ve always been quiet and meek.
The thing with bullies is that they like to
prey on the quiet and the meek. It makes
their insecure-self seem bigger than what it is.
And, I maybe quiet and meek but I love
creating and making ideas come to life. I
also have so many interests at a given time.
Say for now, I like writing, volunteering, teaching, organizing events,
creating workshops and retreats, facilitating workshops and retreats, creating
a merchandise, interviewing people, meditating, doing yoga and being with
friends and family.
And it’s not just in my head, I’m actually
engaged in many different things. Over
the years, I’ve learned how to prioritize and delegate. So, I manage to live my life in a slow and somehow
organized pace at the moment- even with many things on my plate.
I wasn’t calm or collected in my earlier
years though. I was all over the
place. I was like a clown juggling too
many balls and making a fool of myself.
I was different and I would stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd.
The thing with bullies is they also like to pick
on the weird one.
And so, I became a target of relentless jokes and pestering. I was also not invited
to the cool parties.
I really don’t mind.
They were merely joking around. No harm done (or so I thought).
Recently though, I met someone from my
past. We were talking about
collaborating on a project. I was
explaining to her why I’m doing what I’m doing, when it just occurred to me
that I was deeply hurt by the jokes and banters. I realized that I was so hurt for feeling ostracized that I
don’t want anybody to feel left out!
So, thank you bullies! If not for you, I wouldn’t have the drive I
have.
Thank you, meditation
My other saving grace too, was meditation.
I wouldn’t learn to focus my hyperactive
mind, without it.
I wouldn’t fully understand my true value.
I wouldn’t learn to stand up for myself.
I wouldn’t have the habit of reflecting and
then working on self mastery.
If you want to try out if meditation can help you too, I would like to invite you to this special event with leading psychiatrist, Dr. Rene Samaniego and European Director for Brahma Kumaris, BK Jayanti Kirplani.
